Dressing toddlers

Firmness is fine but I once had GS2 screaming for an entire shopping trip because I made him wear his coat. I got the shopping done and he wore his coat but it was awfully wearing on the nerves. Fortunately the really cold weather has convinced him that a coat can be a good thing.

I wonder if they feel uncomfortable in a bulky coat on their small bodies and limbs.
Maybe they would wear an extra jumper instead?

I was a nursery teacher. If it was cold every child had to wear a coat, there was no option. I used to say to any new child that objected "It's not a choice. It's cold and you wear a coat

Perfect. That's exactly how to do it imo.

I really don't understand this 'refuses to wear' thing about a child or toddler.
You have to set your intention that it's going to happen and not fret about how to handle it when a child refuses.
You wouldn't let a child put their fingers in an electric socket or do something dangerous. You would be firm.
Apply the same attitude to anything else that is necessary.

Three if my grandchildren used to do this refusing a coat thing with their parents. They never did it with me or their granddad once we established the coat went on when we told them it would.
It really isn't the child...It's the attitude of the adult that counts and I am not talking about being harsh or nasty or scaring a child. It's just firmness, being calm with no hesitancy or fear they may not like it.

I was a nursery teacher. If it was cold every child had to wear a coat, there was no option. I used to say to any new child that objected "It's not a choice. It's cold and you wear a coat." They never argued again! If it's something where there can be a choice give them 2 options - You can choose A or B, no other choice. It tends to work. Sadly to get children to behave everyone needs to be singing from the same hymn sheet.

Teacher11 another tip I got from Penelope Leach was "Be sure that it has to be No before you say No" If you get into a long and wearing argument about something that you now realise didn't really matter, whether it's about clothes or something else, you are going to end up giving in and that's another dent in your authority.

I very much agree with maxgran. We need to remember who is the adult in the relationship.

This might sound a bit poncy, but being a paediatric nurse, I considered myself fairly good at getting children to do whatever needed to be done. Of course this flew out the window with my down DD. Eventually, I started using the magic word - 'appropriate' and, who knows why - maybe because it sounded grown up - she started responding - as in 'It's not appropriate to wear shorts in the winter time' and we would have discussions about which clothes were appropriate for certain occasions (i.e. pajamas are not ok for going to the synagogue!!). By the time she was 6 or 7 she was telling her friends that they were not dressed 'appropriately' which got to be embarressing (for me ) This probably won't work for very many people but thought I'd throw in my two cents.

Lindajane the clue is in your last sentence-if the parents aren't enforcing things you are going to have a real struggle. Especially if they are 4. My DGD is 3 and tries all sorts of things, often with a look in her eye that says "I wonder if I can get away with this?". But she knows her daddy (and the rest of us adults) will stick with what he says. One of the tactics her parents use is the removal of a favourite toy until she has behaved well. She still protests sometimes about putting on her coat but she does it when warned her behaviour isn't acceptable. I wonder how your DGDs behave at nursery? Most nurseries have outdoor time and expect children to wear a coat. If it is an issue with the coats they will be protesting there as well. If it is just testing behaviour they won't. One of the tactics you could use is the "I don't suppose you can do that" one. Leave the pile of clean clothes close to them and go off murmuring something about wishing they were big enough to get dressed/put their coats/shoes on by themselves. Returning a little later (hopefully) to find them ready or almost ready- cheers hugs,expressions of surprise. You can begin by doing this one item at a time. Sometime it works, sometimes it doesn't. Good luck!

Pick your fights but when it is important say it and mean it. I think I was a little too lenient about insisting on food being eaten up and, consequently, both of my children are picky eaters. However, I wouldn't let them go outdoors without suitable coats and shoes if it was cold. They knew not to argue as I would put my grim teacher's face on and never let the mask crack until they'd 'coated up'. Penelope Leach's child rearing guide suggested that you say, 'What do you want to put on first, your shoes or your coat?' It gives the illusion of choice but brooks no real opposition.

With most minor behaviour issues, I always look at the amount of attention the behaviour gets. Children love to " flex their muscles", and have the adults dance to their tune!
I would suggest telling them the rules ( we wear our coat when we go out, or, we wear the clothes we chose last night ), then dealing calmly with any subsequent refusal, with minimum interaction.

A few practice runs are a good idea, so the child gets the message that you're in charge, and these should be at a time when you can afford to say something like, " You haven't put your coat on, so we can't go to nursery/ park/ shops", and stick to it. And, of course, lots of praise & cuddles when they follow the rules first time.

Dirty clothes in the smelly basket and set a timer remember who's boss?

Whoops! Meant 'weather', not 'whether'!

Totally agree with Tresco! When I was working (Speech and Language Therapist) I used to see a 40 under 5s a week. So many of the mums would say, "Oh, he won't wear his coat", or similar. Courage Linda Jane - there may be two of them but you are bigger than they are (at the moment) so calmly and firmly insist. You might have to whether some tantrums, but it will be worth it. After all, you do know what's best for them and what is reasonable. Have faith in your own judgement! Good luck!

My DGD aged 3 refuses to wear anything but leggings and t shirts, often with a lovely cardigan. She's ok with coats, but refuses to wear dresses. A wardrobe with several lovely dresses, bought by grannies, never gets a look in. She won't even dress up for parties, when her little friends are all Frozen princesses etc. Any ideas.

Some great advice already. Is it something at nursery? Have you asked if everything is ok there? Children internalise things very differently to us. What may be trivial to us can be a big deal to them. Always best to get to the root of a situation.
If you suspect it is just them trying to have a level of control of their life then allow them to have some say that is appropriate to their age (putting out 2 choices of outfit that you have already worked out is appropriate for the weather/season is a good start.
Good Luck

But I'm wondering, is it really wearing a coat they object to or the type of coat? Oh, I'm sure, they have totally "normal" coats. But that's just my point - maybe they wish they had the kind of coats that look like their fave characters or have pictures of their fave characters on them.

Did DD have them help choose the coats they now have? If not, coat shopping may be in order. But again, that's the parents' call. You can only be firm and let them feel the consequences of not wearing those coats.

It's hard to judge from the outside, but it seems to me as if too much attention is being paid to what the twins want to wear. It's good, IMO, to give them choices as others have described, w/in reason. But it should be understood that certain items are a necessity, such as wearing a coat in the cold weather or wearing pjs (clean, of course) to bed.

Putting the dirty clothes in the laundry when they take their bath/shower is a good idea. Another is, of course, giving them a choice of fave pjs - possibly ones w/ fave characters on them (Disney princesses or whoever). Failing that, it may be best to tell them they have a choice between getting in their pjs or sleeping in their underwear. And fine, if they pick the latter, but they still don't get to wear the dirty clothes.

Of course, unless you watch them at night, that part is all up to the parents. And really, so is establishing the idea that coars are a necessity. But one thing you can do, I'm sure, if you try, is not show that it upsets you if they don't wear their coats. (I know it's hard, but I'm certain you can manage it.) If they complain about the cold, offer them their coats, once again, but if they still refuse, let it be. If they whine, let them know that they can wear the coats or "freeze" - their call. If they want a choice, that's it. Chances are, they'll realize, after a while, that they need the coats.

My friend's son, when he was 5, regularly would not get out of pjs and get dressed for school. One morning when he refused she didn't argue, Df put his school uniform into a plastic carrier bag for him to give teacher for whenever he eventually wanted to change from his pjs. He still wouldn't get into school uniform.
When df put his coat on over his pjs and they went out the door he soon realised she meant what she said. He wanted to get into his uniform. Mum says, can't do it now we would be late for school. At school she took him into the adult toilets and he got into his uniform. And never refused again.

As they are twins, maybe the behaviour is part of their relationship with each other? Something like A says she will/won't do something, then B says the same, then A has to stick to what she said etc.

Have you tried explaining to your DGDs that if they wear dirty clothes, other children may notice that they are smelly and may be nasty to them. Make it clear that you are telling them this to help them avoid that happening.

Having said that, are the clothes really dirty? When I was young it was normal to wear the same clothes all week. I thought it would be the height of luxury to have clean clothes every day.

GS2 is fairly good about dressing, although he prefers to wear his choice of clothes if he can. He will wear a coat if it's raining because he hates getting wet but otherwise it has to be absolutely arctic before he will put one on. On the whole I don't bother about it too much, he's never out in the cold for too long.

If both DGDs are here they compete to get their coats and shoes on, but we usually only have DGD2 to look after so sometimes she has to try to beat Grandad!

I agree with your suggestion of turning it into a competition Jalima. My 3 DGC (9,7 and 6) are so competitive (they each play a lot of sport) that getting ready for school is just another competition to see who can win. I lay out each set of clothes (2 girls, 1 boy) and they "race" ready with the prize being who sits in the best seat in the car going to school. They sometimes cheat like mad though with the middle DGD putting her jumper over the top of her unbuttoned school blouse !

A bit of psychology can work well I think, but I do agree with you maxgran although, of course, the result of putting on your coat is that you can go to the playground, the nursery, wherever .

Try firmness in a nice way (and ignore a possible consequent tantrum) instead of giving in to four year olds who know perfectly well how to wind mummy and daddy (and GPs by the sound of it) round their little fingers by the sounds of it! The trouble is, they can be so enchanting at that age too, it is easy to give in. And for some reason they do like to strip off (I notice all the dollies are stripped again after DGD came yesterday!).

'When we're at granny's we all put our coats on before we go out in the cold.'

Why are they going to bed in dirty clothes? - why not put the clothes into the wash as soon as the twins are showered or bathed in the evening before they have a chance to put them back on again?

My Grandchildren used to refuse to wear a coat or some item of clothing for my Son & wife or my daughter and her husband but when I looked after them I never had a problem.

I think children know whether you mean what you say and will play up if they know you hare hesitant or unsure of what to do. Kids are clever.
If I tell them that they have to put a coat on they know the only outcome is they are going to have to put the coat on so they do it.
I may be old fashioned but I don't believe in bribing or offering rewards for doing something that has to be done.