Dressing toddlers

I posted just the other day about our little 6 yr old DGS who is still wearing shorts for school 'I'm not cold' !! So I totally feel for you.

We have solved the clothes issue for the 4 yr old by laying out 2 outfits every morning. He can choose ( he can even swap them round ) but that's all there is . We also put dirty things straight into the laundry at night because that's where Grampy keeps his 'stinky' socks and who wants their clothes back out of there !

Initially we put things straight into the washing machine so there was no hope of getting them back. Small as they are they recognise wet stuff cant be worn.

The other thing we have found that helps is finding a book about the challenge. Potty training was one that springs to mind - Pirate Pete's Potty - and we would read it often together. Perhaps there's one about dirty clothes?

Sounds like you have lovely spirited DGC - I love a child with spirit -- good luck !!

Well, dirty clothes could go straight away out of sight into the laundry bin (out of sight out of mind is a motto that can sometimes work at that age)

As for coats, if there are two adults it sometimes seems to work if you say 'let Grandad put your coat' on if a meltdown is threatened when you try to do it.
As there are two of them you could turn it into a competition - 'who's going to get their coat on and be ready first?'

What works for our DGS is setting the timer, he always beats it!

If they like the clothes dirty, it may be because they like the smell or because they don't like the smell of the washing powder. Maybe involve them in choosing whatever the clothes are washed in. And put the day's clothes straight in the washing machine so they can't be worn again, without too much comment. Not wearing coats may also be because they don't like the feel of something inside the coat. Or it may be that they don't feel the cold. Or it may be that they are getting a huge amount of attention for this behaviour. Children are very good at spotting which (grand)parental buttons to press. You could try just not asking them to wear their coats but take them with you in case they change their minds. If you can't do that, then just say "We wear coats when it's cold. When you have put them on we can go out" and then refuse to be drawn into an argument about it, just repeating what you have said. It's called the broken record technique!

My three yr old DGS went round to his Grandma's in his pjs as he refused to get dressed. When DD was ready to bring him home he did not want to put his jeans back on so after he had rolled about the floor screaming DD and I walked him back via the park with no trousers on at all. A bit mean in a cold and windy January but what else can you do.

Excellent Nelliemoser!

Thanks for your suggestions so far, some great tips. Putting them in the washing machine or basket would be great but they want to wear the clothes to bed as well! Thankfully I'm not there then. I have used the I'm counting to 10 or I'll choose method. It has mixed results I must say. I've got them to agree to wear a vest and long sleeves in cold weather now (last year they often would only agree to t-shirts) and everywhere we go, their coats go too! It's just such hard work and you can't take them anywhere nice out of doors this time of year when they refuse to wear their coats. They start moaning they're cold but still refuse!
Ah well, at least they wear their shoes, that's something I guess!

Can they say why they don't want to wear their coats when they are moaning it is cold? If it's some kind of sensory issue then maybe that can be sorted. If it is a power struggle, then giving as little attention as possible to the behaviour, but calmly enforcing the rules you want is the way to go. If when they moan it is cold, do you go home/back inside? Unless it's particularly freezing, do you let them experience being cold? There's clearly some kind of pay-off for them in this behaviour. A shrug of the shoulders and "Oh well that's your choice but it's a shame we can't do X because your clothes are not suitable" then walking away can often work, if it's not a sensory issue. It rather sounds as though there are different expectations from you and their parents. Intermittent reward (i.e giving them what they want sometimes) is one of the best ways of prolonging an unwanted behaviour. That's why children pester - they think if it's worked before. it might well work again. Positive reinforcement, such as a sticker chart on which positive actions can be recorded can sometimes help, but I don't advocate big rewards. Maybe something like - If you wear you coat when we go out , three times in a row, you can choose an extra story/game.

My Grandchildren used to refuse to wear a coat or some item of clothing for my Son & wife or my daughter and her husband but when I looked after them I never had a problem.

I think children know whether you mean what you say and will play up if they know you hare hesitant or unsure of what to do. Kids are clever.
If I tell them that they have to put a coat on they know the only outcome is they are going to have to put the coat on so they do it.
I may be old fashioned but I don't believe in bribing or offering rewards for doing something that has to be done.

A bit of psychology can work well I think, but I do agree with you maxgran although, of course, the result of putting on your coat is that you can go to the playground, the nursery, wherever .

Try firmness in a nice way (and ignore a possible consequent tantrum) instead of giving in to four year olds who know perfectly well how to wind mummy and daddy (and GPs by the sound of it) round their little fingers by the sounds of it! The trouble is, they can be so enchanting at that age too, it is easy to give in. And for some reason they do like to strip off (I notice all the dollies are stripped again after DGD came yesterday!).

'When we're at granny's we all put our coats on before we go out in the cold.'

Why are they going to bed in dirty clothes? - why not put the clothes into the wash as soon as the twins are showered or bathed in the evening before they have a chance to put them back on again?

I agree with your suggestion of turning it into a competition Jalima. My 3 DGC (9,7 and 6) are so competitive (they each play a lot of sport) that getting ready for school is just another competition to see who can win. I lay out each set of clothes (2 girls, 1 boy) and they "race" ready with the prize being who sits in the best seat in the car going to school. They sometimes cheat like mad though with the middle DGD putting her jumper over the top of her unbuttoned school blouse !

If both DGDs are here they compete to get their coats and shoes on, but we usually only have DGD2 to look after so sometimes she has to try to beat Grandad!

GS2 is fairly good about dressing, although he prefers to wear his choice of clothes if he can. He will wear a coat if it's raining because he hates getting wet but otherwise it has to be absolutely arctic before he will put one on. On the whole I don't bother about it too much, he's never out in the cold for too long.

As they are twins, maybe the behaviour is part of their relationship with each other? Something like A says she will/won't do something, then B says the same, then A has to stick to what she said etc.

Have you tried explaining to your DGDs that if they wear dirty clothes, other children may notice that they are smelly and may be nasty to them. Make it clear that you are telling them this to help them avoid that happening.

Having said that, are the clothes really dirty? When I was young it was normal to wear the same clothes all week. I thought it would be the height of luxury to have clean clothes every day.

My friend's son, when he was 5, regularly would not get out of pjs and get dressed for school. One morning when he refused she didn't argue, Df put his school uniform into a plastic carrier bag for him to give teacher for whenever he eventually wanted to change from his pjs. He still wouldn't get into school uniform.
When df put his coat on over his pjs and they went out the door he soon realised she meant what she said. He wanted to get into his uniform. Mum says, can't do it now we would be late for school. At school she took him into the adult toilets and he got into his uniform. And never refused again.

It's hard to judge from the outside, but it seems to me as if too much attention is being paid to what the twins want to wear. It's good, IMO, to give them choices as others have described, w/in reason. But it should be understood that certain items are a necessity, such as wearing a coat in the cold weather or wearing pjs (clean, of course) to bed.

Putting the dirty clothes in the laundry when they take their bath/shower is a good idea. Another is, of course, giving them a choice of fave pjs - possibly ones w/ fave characters on them (Disney princesses or whoever). Failing that, it may be best to tell them they have a choice between getting in their pjs or sleeping in their underwear. And fine, if they pick the latter, but they still don't get to wear the dirty clothes.

Of course, unless you watch them at night, that part is all up to the parents. And really, so is establishing the idea that coars are a necessity. But one thing you can do, I'm sure, if you try, is not show that it upsets you if they don't wear their coats. (I know it's hard, but I'm certain you can manage it.) If they complain about the cold, offer them their coats, once again, but if they still refuse, let it be. If they whine, let them know that they can wear the coats or "freeze" - their call. If they want a choice, that's it. Chances are, they'll realize, after a while, that they need the coats.

But I'm wondering, is it really wearing a coat they object to or the type of coat? Oh, I'm sure, they have totally "normal" coats. But that's just my point - maybe they wish they had the kind of coats that look like their fave characters or have pictures of their fave characters on them.

Did DD have them help choose the coats they now have? If not, coat shopping may be in order. But again, that's the parents' call. You can only be firm and let them feel the consequences of not wearing those coats.

Some great advice already. Is it something at nursery? Have you asked if everything is ok there? Children internalise things very differently to us. What may be trivial to us can be a big deal to them. Always best to get to the root of a situation.
If you suspect it is just them trying to have a level of control of their life then allow them to have some say that is appropriate to their age (putting out 2 choices of outfit that you have already worked out is appropriate for the weather/season is a good start.
Good Luck

My DGD aged 3 refuses to wear anything but leggings and t shirts, often with a lovely cardigan. She's ok with coats, but refuses to wear dresses. A wardrobe with several lovely dresses, bought by grannies, never gets a look in. She won't even dress up for parties, when her little friends are all Frozen princesses etc. Any ideas.

Totally agree with Tresco! When I was working (Speech and Language Therapist) I used to see a 40 under 5s a week. So many of the mums would say, "Oh, he won't wear his coat", or similar. Courage Linda Jane - there may be two of them but you are bigger than they are (at the moment) so calmly and firmly insist. You might have to whether some tantrums, but it will be worth it. After all, you do know what's best for them and what is reasonable. Have faith in your own judgement! Good luck!

Whoops! Meant 'weather', not 'whether'!

Dirty clothes in the smelly basket and set a timer remember who's boss?

With most minor behaviour issues, I always look at the amount of attention the behaviour gets. Children love to " flex their muscles", and have the adults dance to their tune!
I would suggest telling them the rules ( we wear our coat when we go out, or, we wear the clothes we chose last night ), then dealing calmly with any subsequent refusal, with minimum interaction.

A few practice runs are a good idea, so the child gets the message that you're in charge, and these should be at a time when you can afford to say something like, " You haven't put your coat on, so we can't go to nursery/ park/ shops", and stick to it. And, of course, lots of praise & cuddles when they follow the rules first time.

Pick your fights but when it is important say it and mean it. I think I was a little too lenient about insisting on food being eaten up and, consequently, both of my children are picky eaters. However, I wouldn't let them go outdoors without suitable coats and shoes if it was cold. They knew not to argue as I would put my grim teacher's face on and never let the mask crack until they'd 'coated up'. Penelope Leach's child rearing guide suggested that you say, 'What do you want to put on first, your shoes or your coat?' It gives the illusion of choice but brooks no real opposition.