Advice needed about grandson and daughter in law re discipline - or lack of

and is permanently playing TV games or on an iPad or iPhone
If you try to stop him he screams blue murder.

I would say that that is what is the cause of his bad behaviour - he is having withdrawal symptoms when told to stop using the iPad etc.

However, I don't know what you can do about it, apart from perhaps gently nudging your son in the direction of articles re computer/tv use causing addiction and bad behaviour when told to stop.

eg this one:
www.webroot.com/gb/en/home/resources/tips/ethics-and-legal/family-internet-addiction-what-can-parents-do
or
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mental-wealth/201508/screentime-is-making-kids-moody-crazy-and-lazy

Good luck.

I agree with you about the rules when at grandparent's house NannaandGrampy. It doesn't take them long to realise what non negotiable means!

At other times though I think you have to keep out of it unless you're asked. Often if the parents see the children behaving well when they are at your house they will ask why that is. Then, and only then is the time to tell them.

ooooh difficult one pip .

I dont think theres much if anything you can do when the child is in its own home or its parents are there if they cannot be bothered to discipline the boy. Sadly it seems to happen more and more often.

I see parents sat playing with their phones paying no attention to their children all the time with no regard to the child's behaviour.

We tend not to comment to our daughters ( although sometimes I just cant help myself but as they are our daughters I think that's a different situation than to DiL.

What I can say is we have 'Nana's rules' at our house. Some of those rules are very different to the ones at their house. The rules never change and apply to all 4 of them ( 9,6,4,2).

The main rules are :

We eat at the table together. We all sit and we all stay there until everyone is finished. We talk. No iPads at the table.

Bedtime is non negotiable and always follows the same plan : Dinner 45 mins to play, bath, teeth, story bed . We give them a countdown so bedtime never comes as a surprise.

When we go out we are respectful of others around us so we use our indoor voices, we use our nice manners and there is no running around - totally non negotiable.

We use gentle hands to others and pets.

If you are sent to the naughty step you stay there until Nana fetches you , we talk about the behaviour that sent you there . Then we say sorry and have hugs and kisses.

That kind of covers everything. Oh yes and we dont respond to tantrums, screaming , door slamming etc etc. We leave the room , we dont talk , no eye contact until they are calm enough to say sorry and discuss what happened and what we could do in future.

Could you have house rules at your house? At one stage our 6 yr old was not a nice lad to be around and Grampy didn't enjoy his company. We've turned a corner now and he is a lovely little chap. It might be rocky going for a little while but our daughters accepted that as the children were with us there had to be rules and as long as they were fair and equitable it was ok. Could your family feel the same?

An 8yr old wouldn't normally "scream blue murder" when told no, though he may well get "stroppy" If his sister is well adjusted then they can't be such bad parents. Is it possible your GS has a problem, do you think ?

He will be better at school because he knows he can't get away with as much but unfortunately I don't think there us much you can do. How difficult though. I feel fir you bur it's so difficult being a grandparent

What a worry for you. To be honest I do not think there is much you can do. It is not good for this lad to get away with such behaviour, but we interfere with how parents do their job at the risk of being alienated.

Is he ever at your house without his parents? - how does he behave then?