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Faux pas at toddler group

(32 Posts)
TinyTwo Thu 28-Apr-16 17:07:56

I've recently started looking after my youngest grandchild and decided to see what activities were on nearby that he might like. I've taken him to a few toddler groups and things in the local area and although everyone smiles and is polite there's definitely a distance between me and the 'mums'. Anyway, I finally went to a library singsong thing today and got chatting to a lovely other grandmother and her charming little grandson. We were getting on really well. Until I asked how many days a week she looked after her grandson and she looked at me with horror and spat out 'I'm his MOTHER'. I quickly left. blush shock Whoops...

rosesarered Thu 28-Apr-16 17:09:58

Haha! Never mind, you were not to know, and there are quite a few older Mums out there these days.grin

Badenkate Thu 28-Apr-16 17:14:29

Oh dear! DSIL had a late baby (6 months unemployment for DH at the time) and she was always worried that she would be taken for his grandmother at the school gates.

ninathenana Thu 28-Apr-16 17:20:36

It's sad you didn't think you fitted in at the toddler group. My mum used to take my two and the three of them had a great time.
Easy mistake TinyTwo mum did that with a dad at the primary school gates but to be honest I'd spent all term thinking he was the boy's GF

Jalima Thu 28-Apr-16 17:33:42

When DD was in reception I used to chat to another mum whose child was in DD's class. She then told me that the other child she picked up was her DGC in the same class!

Maggiemaybe Thu 28-Apr-16 17:52:13

Oh, but I was just thinking how nice it would be if one of the mums at the toddler group I go to with my DGS2 mistook me for his mum drifts off into highly unlikely daydream

Synonymous Thu 28-Apr-16 17:59:49

When I was helping at a church toddler group there was great concern about a particular 'young mum' and the support we should be giving her which caused me great confusion/amusement since she was in the year above me at school and had her children about 10 years or so after I did. We all make assumptions all the time and it happens in many different ways. In this instance we all had a good laugh about it especially when I said that I had to admit to having been a child bride! Just brush it lightly off and carry on Tinytwo smile

petra Thu 28-Apr-16 18:36:49

I've done it. But to be fair, he was 70 and he was taking his 4yr twins to nursery.

granjura Thu 28-Apr-16 20:26:59

Ooops. I felt really bad when we met one of my really nice ex 6th Former from my tutor group in an Indian restaurant. We had a really nice natter then I asked how many months she was to term- and she wasn't pregnant. Just didn't know what do to or say that would make things better - ouch!

Deedaa Thu 28-Apr-16 21:32:36

I've found the Music With Mummy sessions that I've taken GS 1&2 to have been good. Ithink it's because we do so much singing together that it seems easier to chat afterwards.

Once or twice I've had someone ask me if I was Mummy or Granny, but I fear they were just being nice!

Newquay Thu 28-Apr-16 23:39:39

Oops, so easily done these days isn't it? Think you just have to plod on (and apologise if it seems necessary); you won't have been the first time to have out your foot in it.

Maggiemaybe Fri 29-Apr-16 00:03:02

Oh, I've done that, granjura. Held the door open for a woman with a lot of shopping bags and said that she really shouldn't be carrying such a lot in her condition. There was really no way back when she snapped that she wasn't pregnant.

Purpledaffodil Fri 29-Apr-16 06:32:45

My Dad used to chat to another older man collecting a child when DD was in Reception. Wretched man even used to refer to "Us grandads". Then I met the child's mother at a party and referred to our dads chatting to be told very snottily that the man was her husband. Have tried never to make assumptions like that since, but failed miserably on several occasions.blush

Kittycat Fri 29-Apr-16 11:37:00

I went through infants and junior school with everyone thinking my mum was. My grandma. She was 37 when I was born and she did look older. Luckily she paled up with another older mum so I had a friend in the same position. And we're still friends, but are aging much better than our mums did!

LullyDully Fri 29-Apr-16 11:59:10

I did that once years ago. I emphasise ONCE. Not a mistake you make twice!!!! I feel for you tiny two.

The other one I try to avoid is " when is the baby due?"

pollyperkins Fri 29-Apr-16 12:14:15

That happened to me years ago. I had 3 small children at the time and an acquintance sid to me 'how lovely that you are having another' ! I was horrified and said did I look pregnant? She immediately backtracked and saidNo no I just wondered if you were thinking of having another now the youngest is getting bigger! But I wasnt fooled and threw out the smock dress I d been wearing. (It was in the 80s )

inishowen Fri 29-Apr-16 12:16:21

When I was in my forties I worked at a nursery. One of the children asked if I was a mummy or a granny! I wasn't offended. I was in that age group where I could have been either.

Anya Fri 29-Apr-16 12:41:23

TinyTwo I know what you mean about the distance between mum's and grannies at some of these groups. Trouble is they seem to have closed friendship groups and newcomers, especially older ones, are not really wanted.

Hope you find some genial company for you and your young charge amongst some more opened-minded mums, or genuine grandparents, as it can be a lonely 'occupation'.

Dee Fri 29-Apr-16 12:53:46

Years ago my son, then aged 6, informed me that no-one else in his class had a mum anywhere near as old as I was! (I was 35 when he was born, considered old then)
Of course to him that was a compliment as when you are 6 you do want to be older don't you so he thought I would too.

peaceatlast Fri 29-Apr-16 17:17:01

I get annoyed when people think I'm my husband's mother, lol. Must do something about my grey hair.

Spangles1963 Fri 29-Apr-16 17:32:37

I would always err on the safe side if I was unsure whether someone was a child's parent or grandparent by assuming (to their face at least,even if I privately thought otherwise) that they were the parent. Far better for them to be flattered for thinking them younger than they are!

Maggiemaybe Fri 29-Apr-16 18:25:54

Well, someone did once ask me at our Toddler Group whether I was DGS's grandma. I felt flattered for about five minutes till I realised that two regulars there are older childminders. Back to reality grin

MamaCaz Fri 29-Apr-16 18:51:05

I've done it once (that I know of), and try to be a bit more careful now, but it's so easy to get it wrong with so many people starting families in their late thirties and forties these days!. Recently, I nearly made the same mistake again when doing the school run with the DGC, but bit my tongue and decided to ask 3-year-old DGD, who is at pre-school with one of the children concerned, if the (grey-haired) adult was X's mummy or grandma. DGD's answer saved me from embarrassing myself yet again blush

Roxburghrose Fri 29-Apr-16 21:29:10

When I was in my early 40's and my DCs were about 7 and 9 a man standing next to us in a shop remarked how nice it was to see children out with their grandmother. When I laughed and said that I was their mother he shook his head and said:"I find that very hard to believe". There are no words!!

Deedaa Fri 29-Apr-16 21:58:16

GS1 takes great pleasure in reminding me that I'm the oldest person in our family now - which sadly I am!