Feeling inadequate

Bags I'm sure you don't need (((hugs))) from me, but have one anyway.
Old timers on GN know full well there is a history of non-genuine posting on GN.
There is a spectrum ranging from the blindingly obvious 'my DGS won't wear his plimsolls' type to the less immediately apparent 'how can I get my DH to put his slippers away?' sort of thing.
In the latter case, the OP is usually given the benefit of the doubt, at least initially. But the combination of the OP making what many people might consider an odd statement (like the other grandma looking after a 3 week old baby for whole days) combined with the OP's failure to return to the thread to either clarify issues, or thank posters who are supportive, or even to announce that they are flouncing off in a huff, never to return, does tend to tip the balance in favour of a non-genuine post.
Finally, I feel that GNHQ should grow some.
Suggesting that a post may be a wind-up is not in the same league as suggesting someone is a tr**l. 'Erring on the side of caution' and deleting every post that questions an OP's assumptions is going to stifle robust debate.

It is a frequent frustration when an OP " gets us going" and then disappears either because he/she was just seeking back up and has felt aggrieved at less than a 100% "there, there, YANBU" response or perhaps because he/she IS in fact merely trying to trigger an argument a discussion.
I can understand the "going off in a huff" as it is hard to hear a less than entirely sympathetic opinion, but we do need that in our lives, someone to tell us not to to over react, not to be unreasonable and well if you ask"Am I being silly?" , you risk hearing both answers, don't you?
There was a thread ages ago entitled "Does my bum look big in this?"
While DH may give the "right" answer, I would hope a real friend would be HONEST

I think that the other grandparent is pushing it a bit. 7 days a week! Your poor daughter. Maybe she is feeling too vulnerable to tell the woman. Enjoy what you have. He will be there for all of your life.

No way is it a wind up. Sounds far too genuine.

Suspicious lot!

Of course I understood perfectly and realised I should have thought of all that myself.

So no, tigger, except for a sore knee and a sore back, which have nothing to do with GN. Kind of you to care.

According to HQ what such posts 'gain' is attention. This is what they said:

"We're just emailing because we've had to delete one of your comments on the 'Feeling inadequate' thread. It mentioned that you thought the post might be a wind-up and we really don't allow members to tr011-hunt on the threads, as per our guidelines:

"If you suspect someone of being a tr011, please don't accuse them publicly on the discussion thread (if you're wrong, you could cause untold hurt; if you're right, you'll merely be giving them just the kind of attention they're after).

"Instead, please report your suspicions to us (either by reporting a post of theirs or by mailing us at [email protected]) and we'll check them out.
Please bear in mind that we'd rather err on the side of being taken in than of accusing a genuine poster who's in need of support of being a tr011."

Hope you understand,"

This may be deleted too, though I've changed the word that can be problematic.

Why would anyone bother to write a fake post? It's not as if they could gain anything by so doing!
I think Fruitbat might simply have gone to ground for a while (or to her batcave) - either thinking hard or simply getting on with the business of learning her new role, which takes some doing. Until proven otherwise, that's my personal take on it. No need to invoke whiskers of any kind

I don't know what anyone would get out of posting a fake post but...i dunno....to me the post didn't ring true somehow.

But maybe that's me being cynical what, moi?

How sad if someone had posted a fake post. What do they gain from it?

Well, rowantree, the OP has had many thoughtful replies (3 pages' worth according to my phone) and has yet to respond.....

I'm beginning to smell a long-tailed whiskery rodent...

Thatbags, are you feeling sore because you have been told off? I think you protest too much.

I saw my Italian grandmother 6 times in 36 years. Admittedly I spent at least 3 weeks with her each time. No Facebook, Skype etc. but I still had a great relationship with her and loved her dearly.

Hello Fruitbat. 4 of my grandchildren live in England and I live in N.Ireland so I don't see them nearly as often as you see your little DGD. However, I get lots of photos, updates on what they are doing and they come across about 3 times a year.

I'm lucky enough to be healthy and able to travel so I go across several times a year to see them too. As they get older and begin to remember us, we have developed a special loving relationship with them. Don't despair. Concentrate on giving her love and attention when you do see her and you will have an important place in her life.

And try not to compare yourself to the other Gran. Grandparent competition is very destructive. You both have a place in her life.

I would suggest when you are feeling deprived, read the thread dedicated to grandparents cut out of their DGSs' lives. Sobering stuff ?

Hi fruitbat, congratulations on the new arrival to your family. None of us can help how we feel and if it's something that upsets you then it isn't silly. How lucky you were to go to all your daughter's appointments. That is something the paternal grandma missed out on and I'm sure there were occasions when she also felt a bit envious. Keep in touch with your daughter, maybe ring her every morning when you know that her husband has left for work. Perhaps ask if there is anything she would like you to bring when you visit or could you bake them something. I bet she would appreciate her mum's kindness much more than her mother in law's constant presence. I wouldn't mention how you feel to your daughter and I bet the other grandma will soon ease off a bit when she knows that she hasn't been pushed out either.

What's wrong with wind-up <stirs>. .

Eh? Why would it be a w-u? By whom?

Oops. We aren't supposed to mention the w-u word. I got a polite email about that very thing this morning from HQ and they deleted my mention of it and someone else's.

Am I the only one thinking this thread is a wind-up? Where's fruitbat gone??

Hope it's not one of those sneaky Daily Fail things...

I really want to see dd so I create circumstances where I see her by having the children.

I'm on holiday with 2 DGC at the moment . I hadn't seen them since September . I love them dearly but it's enough for me. I'm not an unkind weirdo nor is Thatbags. We make the best of what we're given. I think I now dislike responsibility .

nonnie

I totally understand Fruitbat. I have been in the same situation, but because I can't drive and can't get to my DS and DIL's house easily. I see a lot less of my DGDs consequently. However my elder GD is 3 now and tells me how much she loves me and how she loves being at our house. She loves my other DS too although she only sees on FaceTime. The little one (5mths) cries when I hold her, but is OK with the other grandma, uncle and uncles girlfriend (!)because she has had a 3 week holiday with them. I do feel a bit jealous, but it's pointless, at least they're not in Australia.

Still I'll just have to bide my time. Love them, and they'll love you, and it'll be ok in the end. You're are obviously a close family so I don't think it will be a long-term problem.

I feel that the OP was needed by her DD throughout the pregnancy but now the baby has arrived the other granny is having most of the contact with him, which is confusing for her (and she probably feels it's due to her disability which makes it more unfair). Having said that I still only see my much longed for granddaughter every so often and even then it's 'by appointment only'. I will be spending more time with her over the next few weeks, and I do get sent lots of photos (usually of her with DIL's family). I've just got used to it, now.

Ditto

I see my grandchildren every few weeks when they stay overnight or for a few days. They are four and two. Their maternal grandmother looks after them about three times a week. Of course I would love to do that but it's not possible so I put it out of my mind as I know she loves them just as much as me. I just make sure they enjoy themselves with me. My daughter is pregnant and I live near her so does her MIL but I will give her space and I have told her she only has to pick up the phone and I will be there. At three weeks old the baby is still bonding with the parents and doesn't need too many people around. I don't think any question is silly especially as this forum should be about support. Of course we should say in a nice way if we do think differently from the poster.