Feeling inadequate

Congratulations on your new arrival .

I think maybe you are being a bit silly to be honest . You are obviously valued and close to your family , you got to do all the anti natal stuff that the other grandma didn't. And the baby is her grandchild too .

She obviously can get to see the baby more often at the moment but it's early days . Why not offer to babysit or visit based on your bus schedule ?

Or could your daughter come to you ? Enjoy the time you do get , it's very early days .

Your grandson's 3 weeks old and the other grandma has him for whole days?

What an interesting name, fruitbat, alongside this ridiculous whine you have posted.

Yes, you are being silly.

Twice a week sounds a lot to me ... He's only 3 weeks old ! He'll be asleep most of the time. What are you expecting? Why would anyone other than a parent want to look after a new baby for whole days beats me. Enjoy what you have. It's not a competition.

Don't worry about this it sounds,as though you have a really good relationship I have found so far that my DD has been very fair ,independent .I too felt anxious about the other grandparents and still do to some extent I try to bee there at the end of the phone,do things my DD,s way And play with my grandson as much as I can so far he feels safe with me and although tearful when she goes out initially for the most part he seems confident with me.Just realised this seems a bit long winded hope it's of some use.

I would think your daughter is totally taken up with her new baby and not really had much time to get used to being a first time mum to consider you might be missing the time you spent together while she was pregnant. I'm sure her MIL doesn't see much more of him than you do in reality but from a relative distance away it might seem like that. It's only been 3 weeks so I'm sure once she gets into a routine of constant feeding and changing she'll want to visit more often and have you babysit - after all she's your daughter - her MIL might have thought the same about you before baby arrived. Enjoy him whenever you do get the chance - they grow so quickly he'll be at uni before you know it!

Congrats to all on the new baby, Fruitbat!

I agree with PPs that you're doing fine. You've already seen baby about 6 times and he's only 3 weeks old! At this rate, by the time he's a year, you'll have seen him approx. 104 times! Not bad, IMO, not bad!

I know you may feel a little jealous that the PGM (paternal grandmother) gets to see baby every day. But twice a week - even once a week - is enough to make you an important part of his life. Besides, he doesn't even know the difference now. And as he gets older, the schedule and patterns are bound to change.

Are you sure that PGM has GS "whole days," at this early date? Where are the parents?

Whatever, please just enjoy the lovely visits you do get and don't worry about anything else. Again, you're doing fine.

P.S. Sorry about your illness.

Fruitbat, I feel for you. We have a similar situation as our Son lives 200 miles away, the other grandparents live 200 yards away and see both GC daily. We only get to see them a few times each year (but eve then that is better than some). We have to rely on Skype, usually once a week.
Are you being silly ? Of course not, it is only natural to want to see them as often as possible, but we all have to accept the way things are, and both of us see our GC more than very many.
So just enjoy them (and spoil them, that's our job) whenever you are able. Don't beat yourself up when you can't see them. Have you tried Skype, it is great.
xx

thatbags I think that was an unnecessarily unkind post.

Completely agree with NonnaW no need for nastiness thatbags to fruitbat63

Fruit could it be that the other grandma, being aware of your illness and the limited bus service, is simply trying to support your DD and her son as much as she possibly can during these early days, knowing that it's difficult for you to be with your DD as much as you'd like?

Sorry if my comment seemed unkind but I actually really do think it's silly to worry about such things, especially as the OP said she sees her grandchild twice a week. It's not as if she isn't seeing the babyand her daughter. It didn't seem to me from the OP that there was anything to feel inadequate about; OP had clearly been very helpful during the pregnancy.

There also seems to be a hint of jealousy of the other gran in the OP. I think that's silly too. Even if I had such feelings I'd be ashamed of them a wouldn't mention them to anyone else.

Plus, on the personal side, I wouldn't have wanted my mum or my mother-in-law visiting so often when I was a new mum so the whole scenario seems a bit weird to me.

I'm a bit with Thatbags on this one, I was in Hospital until 10days before DGS was born stayed at their place at the time of his birth, went home the day before DD came home with him.
Ithen did not see them for about 3 weeks, did not expect to, they were getting used to having a new little person in their lives.I was there if needed and they knew that. I do not have a right to see him or them, and they needed their space to get used to the 'newness'.

We have 7 GC - 4 live nearby, 3 further away. We are closely involved with the lives of 4 of them, but not so closely with the others. Inevitable really.

Just enjoy what you do have - don't waste this lovely time with worrying about stuff that does not need worrying about. Just enjoy!

If you have an illness (especially if it tires you) Fruitbat then spending whole days with a new baby is likely not a good idea.If you can see the baby once a week as he/she grows up then that is ok and more than some GP's manage.
I never worry about what the other Gran is doing/not doing, it really doesn't matter.
Give things time to settle down.

Yes you're being silly.
If her MIL seeing him almost daily I bet she isn't 'just' seeing him. She might be helping your DD out with things like washing, food shopping, cleaning and sorting meals just genuinely helping out.
Does she have that kind of relationship?

In 3 weeks you've seen him 6 times! That is a lot. You also see him twice a week and if her MIL is there every day, that's smothering for a new mom!
She might want abit of alone time at some point.

It's early days. If it was me with a new baby, I would not want mil and mother visiting so often and would back off.

You are not being silly. I would be totally It's really bad luck.

It isn't a competition and the baby will never remember anyway.
You were there for your DD when she really needed you and now the other granny is having a chance to show her love and care for the new member of the family and her DIL. This is a very precious time for SIL's mum which she might not have been given by anyone less thoughtful than your DD. You obviously taught her well and she is clearly a lovely person. Be glad for all concerned including yourself. There will be numerous occasions over the years where you will be able to do your bit so enjoy all the golden moments as and when they come.
Jealousy is self destructive so it is best to cultivate a generous spirit

I think what most people on this thread are saying is, you need to rise above all normal feelings. Be superhuman.

again.

Probably you feel a bit let down, after being closely involved during the pregnancy. Losing the use of the car may also have focused your attention on the difficulties of getting out and caused you to feel you are missing out.
You are not being silly but you do see your DD and DGS quite often. I think you should accept the situation as it is and allow them time to get used to being a family, without worrying about what the other gran might be doing.

Thatbags said:

"There also seems to be a hint of jealousy of the other gran in the OP. I think that's silly too. Even if I had such feelings I'd be ashamed of them a wouldn't mention them to anyone else."

Maybe it is "jealousy," but I don't think anyone should be too "ashamed" of their feelings to be afraid to spill them out here. That's exactly the opposite of what such forums are about.

Fruit, I agree with Synonymous that it's wisest to "cultivate a generous spirit" in this situation. (Beautiful post, IMO, Synonymous!) But wise, also, to vent any jealousy or frustration you're feeling here, rather than risk blurting it out to DD or PGM, at some point.