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Grandparenting

Struggling to bond with my grandchild

(12 Posts)
Debido Fri 05-Aug-16 15:42:36

I have four beautiful grandchildren, two granddaughters whom I see regularly and two grandsons whom I see usually every 8 weeks or so. I have a good relationship with all of them (they range in age from 3 to 11) except for my 6 year old grandson. I don't know why but it's a real struggle to get him to talk/play/interact with us - despite many attempts. Even when he's been to stay with us, it's tricky. He'll talk to his brother and he's polite enough but there's just no...I don't know...love...connectedness - nothing like what I have with my other grandkids. He interacts fine with his peers and his brother and cousins and his parents say he's loving with them. What should I do?

Elrel Fri 05-Aug-16 15:58:03

Just give it time, 3 out of 4 ain't bad, to misquote Meatloaf! 😉

Mumsy Fri 05-Aug-16 16:14:22

perhaps you are expecting too much from him, all kids are different in their behaviour so it may come across that he is being difficult towards you, when in fact he isnt, he may have even noticed you behave differently towards him compared with the other grandchildren and reacting to it. Id be more concerned if he was a very badly behaved child!

Debido Fri 05-Aug-16 16:23:26

Ha, thanks Elrel. Think I should probably loosen up about it. Maybe they'll all go through their funny patches and his is just early on. I hope I don't react differently towards him - I certainly try not to but yes children are very sensitive.

Badenkate Fri 05-Aug-16 17:18:57

Some children are just more self-contained and private than others. I was as a small child, and I can see exactly the same in my DGD. He may never be as openly affectionate and responsive as your other DGC, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you just as much. Appreciate him for his individuality.

Deedaa Fri 05-Aug-16 21:59:05

It sounds as if he just interacts better with other children rather than grown ups. It's probably just the way he is. I wouldn't take it personally, just accept that he's not as demonstrative as the others.

Luckygirl Fri 05-Aug-16 22:12:47

One of my DGSs doesn't do all the hugging bit, whereas the others do. It's just his way. I do not know whether he loves me or not, and have never given it any thought - I love him and he knows that - that is all that matters.

Indinana Fri 05-Aug-16 22:28:10

My eldest GC is reserved, was very shy as a young child and used to hold back from us and hide his face, even though they only lived round the corner and we saw him very frequently. He's always been... how can I put this? ... less than animated around adults, speaking in a monotone, mumbling, being very economical with his words. Asking him if he's excited about going on holiday used to elicit little more than a flat 'yes' spoken very quietly, or even just a "mmm", without making eye contact. I used to feel just like you Debido, that I couldn't break through this barrier and make a connection with him. And yet now he's older he's gained in confidence and he and I can sit and have long conversations about all sorts of things. I love being with him and really enjoy his company.
I just had to wait several years for that lovely close relationship which our other GC found so easy from a much younger age. So don't be too despondent - in time he may well change and become closer to you.

trisher Fri 05-Aug-16 22:28:28

Some children just take longer to bond. I always think that they build deeper and better relationships than those who are more demonstrative. Just stick with it, be available and loving. He may just be a more reserved child but that doesn't mean he isn't caring

thatbags Sat 06-Aug-16 09:57:34

What badenkate said, especially the appreciating him for his individuality bit.

Plus, more bluntly, he doesn't have to love you or have a good relationship with you. Maybe think more about his wants (and unwants) than yours.

gettingonabit Sat 06-Aug-16 13:28:48

Why does it bother you so much?

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 06-Aug-16 13:42:23

So long as there is plenty of love going from you to him, don't worry about whether there seems to be any coming back your way. Six is very young to have much in the way of loving feelings. Wait till he's older. It may surprise you. I think it most likely will.