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Being a single parent and grandparent

(4 Posts)
CK4260 Thu 25-Aug-16 21:02:07

I am wondering if anybody else has experienced the difficulties I am currently going through. I have one adult child, DS, who is married with a two year old and another on the way. I brought him up on my own, with an enormous amount of help from my parents. Both may parents passed away approx 8 years ago, only 7 months apart. About a year after that my son went to live/work abroad with my encouragement. 5 years later her returns to the UK married with a baby on the way. Shortly before my parents passed I met my partner (who has no children). Since my son and family returned and live locally I have really struggled to settle. My GD looks so much like my son when he was tiny, she brings back floods of memories, and often this makes me quite melancholy because I realise I've no-one to share those memories with. Family life with DiL has been tricky. My partner tries to be as empathetic as possible. I thought the hard part of single parenting was way behind me, but I am shocked at how hard I am finding this new family structure with me as Nanna. Does anyone else have any experience or understanding of similar circumstances? Thanks for listening. PS I erroneously posted this earlier today in "Other" category, so if you think you have seen this post before you're probably not wrong!!!

rubylady Fri 26-Aug-16 03:48:40

Hi CK I will be on my own when my son leaves in 4 weeks. I do not see the rest of my family or any former friends and so no-one will know anything about me, my past, my upbringing, my family, nothing. No memories to share, it's as though I will have only existed from when he leaves. I will have to make new memories with the people I have become friends with, I suppose the beauty is, that I don't have to tell them all the nitty gritty about my former life.

I do feel for you, it takes some adjusting to being a grandma, take your time and enjoy your DGD. X

jenpax Sat 24-Sep-16 09:11:46

I too raised my 3 daughters on my own although ex was also around to see them. I am now the grandmother to 4 tiny grandchildren (2 from the eldest and one each the younger two) my grandson the eldest GS looks like his mother the others more like their fathers.
I have just mentally extended my role as a parent to the grandchildren and to be honest it just feels like helping to bring up the next generation in much the same way as I raised my own children. I suspect part of your melancholy is around the loss of your parents. I lost my father a month after my youngest daughter was born, so a good 20 years ago, but my mother died in 2007 which feels very recent still despite being 9 years ago this month! I had no siblings and no aunts or uncles as both parents were also only children! I have really struggled with this and still do a bit but the little ones are a real joy and every now and again I see something in one of them that reminds me of my parents or even my beloved grandparents!
My advice is a bit of a cliche but it's seize the day! Enjoy the new little life and remember that she carrys with her a part of you and your own parents too. In my opinion a grandparent is a pivotal figure in the family we are not called "Grand" parents for nothing!

trisher Sat 24-Sep-16 13:16:09

Firstly CK4260 you should be enormously proud of what you have done. I raised my 3 DSs alone although they did have contact with their father. My eldest DS now has 3 children and he is a wonderful dad. Your DS is married and has children because you passed family values on to him without a dad. Having no-one to share moments and memories with is something you never really come to terms with,especially now your parents are no longer there. You will get through this and you have the perfect person who as she grows older will probably be delighted to hear what happened when her dad was little, it's your DGD of course. Store up your memories and stories and when she is ready pass them on to her, only you can do that. My GD now 3+ loves daddy stories and the fact that when he was little he was sometimes a naughty boy.