Feeling Helpless

It's a sad fact that relationships can easily break down between the alpha male, whether it's grandfather or father and the younger male members of a family.

Their stubborness often means that mothers and grandmothers are caught in the middle trying to find a peaceable way out because their hearts invariably rule their heads.

If a young family are struggling, whether financially or emotionally it's natural to want to do something to ease the pain and how many among us haven't 'helped out' in a way that our OHs might not approve?

Threatening violence towards a grandparent however changes the dynamic. A family may be in crisis but that's the time to step back and let the dust settle. Now matter how much you love and want to help them you have to keep their respect.

Well said Daphne

"To roll over and accept" etc etc

No point in being hard bitten and unforgiving. They are a young family

*NOBODY(shouty capitals) is advocating being hard bitten ot unforgiving, do STOP putting your own slant on this yet again.
Are you seriously saying it is acceptable for a 24-.year old young man to physically threaten his grandparents?
We are clearly singing from different hymn sheets if you are. They need money for their annual holiday, so it is OK to bully elderly grandparents? Why not just mug little old ladies in the Post Office as they collect their pensions?
Yet again, I
I fail to see where you are coming from. Read some of the replies to OP, including my own and you will see forgiveness but NOT acceptance of physical bullying. God help us if we are to too over and accept physical threats as the norm or to be afraid of our own grandchildren.

JIng I agree with you . I don`t agree with the violence on either side but it seems peevish to withhold money they obviously need to make a point .

"putting the boot" is a phrase used fairly often nowadays to mean making something worse for someone. HTH.

If my grandson was ever in a mess like that, and the OP's GS obviuously is in one) I would do whatever it took to make things easier for him. And get him and his family on the right track.

There's a difference between helping a young family in real trouble and colluding with unacceptable and threatening behaviour. Best to think about what would really help. I agree with you, over that slapping him wasn't helpful but his behaviour towards his grandparents was even more inappropriate. I do think there is a problem for this family but it isn't of your making. Do you know what the issue is between your grandson and his father? Is this typical behaviour? I think in your shoes I might hold my anxiety for a while and then send a note rather than a text telling him that his grandparents love him and are worried about him and then suggest a coffee or lunch somewhere public to better understand what is upsetting him. That way you will be safe for aggression and have done your best. He will, I hope, be both ashamed and embarrassed by his behaviour and may need some time to settle down. Good luck, you clearly care about him and I hope he will be able to see that and let you support him.

No one has suggested 'putting the boot in' - whatever that might mean - have they?
Suggestions have been to make it clear that violence, whether verbal or physical, is not acceptable.
What exactly would you do jingl if one if your grandsons did that to you?

He's twentyfour. He must have had that child when he was twentyone. He obviously can't handle the situation he's in. Putting the boot in now won't help anyone or anything.

I wish over60plus the very best, and I hope she can mend her family.

Sending money would send the message that behaving in a threatening manner is acceptable. It isn't, especially when the person behaving like that is 24 and is threatening his grandparents who are in their seventies. The op felt frightened, not on.

Forgot to say, I do feel for you over60 and I hope your GS comes to his senses and apologises to you.

I think you're wrong too jingl.
Yes, of course the young family is in trouble, but rewarding a young man's violent behaviour towards his grandmother by just giving him what he wants is hardly going to help, is it? I too fear for his partner and child.

I think you are wrong Jingle This young family may well be in trouble but over60plus sounds at real risk of violence. Are there any other family members or friends who might be able to have a word? It doesn't sound a very good atmosphere for the 3 year old either.

Well said, Daphne!

What do you suggest they do next jbf ? I think you need to let things settle for a while over60, you have had a shock and need time to recover before trying to help again. Your grandson is an adult and needs to take some responsibility for his actions.

Don't feel guilty but later you may be able to see things more objectively.

And another family hits the rocks!

You are all so wrong.

"DaphneBroon" comments are spot on in my view...hard but necessary for yours and his longer term wellbeing!

He does sound like he needs help just not the financial kind !

There is no excuse for him taking his bad temper out on you Over , and slapping him didn't help but I understand you responded out of fear.

He shouldn't be feeling good right now Jingl and sending him money sends the wrong message . He threatened 2 elderly people .

He needs to think about what he did and then apologise .... And then you can think about whether he deserves the money.

I am so sorry this happened to you and your dh. Was your dgs's partner present when it happened. Just wondering if this sort of thing occurs more than you would be aware and perhaps there was an incident that caused the estrangement between dgs and his father.
You sent dgs a text and his response was rude so he hadn't calmed any.

Either way, you can't accept behaviour like this, how frightening for you. And how sad you must feel. My heart goes out to you.
He does sound troubled to behave like this.
My own thoughts are that you should step back and see what happens. So hard to do but perhaps your dgs will realise how shocking his behaviour must have been for you and your dh to have reacted as you did.

No wonder they get the threads they do on the Other Place, about the older generation.

Can't you lot (sorry soop) recognise a family in trouble? Do you think this young man is feeling good right now? And you would begrudge him and his wife and three year old, a bob or two for their annual holiday?

Unbelievable!!!

As Grandparents we should try and love and support our grandchildren, but this young man is an adult with a partner and child. Assuming that he has a job, it's not up to us to fund holidays.That is hardly hard bitten.I agree with daphneBroon on this.

If they need money - as a family - and the poster can manage to help out, that is the sensible thing to do. Being short of money never helped anyone. And this young man needs help. And so does his family.

No point in being hard bitten and unforgiving. They are a young family.