Grandparenting time vs childminding time

Uurrgh prob not the right thread but need to unload as to what a HORRIBLE day I had with the GDs today. They are usually lovely, but degenerating bc of GD1 becoming more "sensitive" bc of her condition (i.e. peers are noticing) and her sister being the most massive bolshy aggressive emotionally-free-range 18m old that ever existed.
I love them both for their own lovelinesses but today they decided to hide all that and just show me psychotic, neurotic, self-demanding and plain old mental.

BUT what narks me off the most is that after a day's back-ache martyred attempts at - not appeasing - but trying to deal with the utter orriblnss, I drop them home and they tell their parents they had lovely day at Grandma's.

Most days I would just say "Hah well think GD2 might be teething, GD1 seemed a bit tired" but today said "Don't think either had the happiest day of their joint lives (am obvs missing a lot of negative moments out here - but to be fair, a few comedy gold moments too"

And I get back "Yeh had terrible day at work myself (am strating to wonder if there's any other kind) but thought well yeh but at least you got paid for yours.

I should have prefaced with in my opinion and in my family.

*Norah" tbat does seem a bit simplistic! Love can be there ofcourse but that doesnt change the potential differences and impact depending on how different families organise things and interact!

No difference, if there is love it's always there.

The only stipulation we made when we began caring for little ones for parental work purposes was that we would only have one child at a time. When it is just "babysitting" we are happy to have more than one, as it is not a regular commitment.

My DC know what our limitations are - OH has PD and I am a bit limited in my mobility - and they work around that. Each day that we have a little one is a joy - and they have rituals and routines that they associate with being here and that they enjoy. They do behave very well for us, as they have our full attention for a day; and they join in with the things that need doing - cooking etc.

The DC do appreciate it and do things for us in return - clearing gutters, stacking logs - things we struggle with. As my SIL said the other day when I thanked him for his help..."You help us all the time - it is only fair."

Horses for courses. GPs do what they have to do.

We're like the majority here, always grandparents. We "do" a day of looking after our two small grandchildren whilst their 4 parents are at work. Our day of looking after the little ones is much appreciated by their parents who know it's a real commitment.
I don't know any grandparents who aren't committed to some 'childcare' to support their adult children's efforts to work. Yes, we all agree it's more tiring than when we were young parents but it's family isn't it.

We have older grandchildren who we help in various ways, including one day a week long lift to work for one of them, when his regular lift is at college. Its a 16 mile round trip and would be impossible for him on public transport. Why not help?

DH and I have looked after GS two days a week since he was six months old. We are pleased to have played a part in his development, and I would never regard that as childminding - it is grandparenting. However, the dynamic has changed as he has got older. We still pick him up from school on two days a week, and he is happy to see us, but his priority, now, as soon as he gets home is either for one of his friends to come to his house, or for him, if he has prior permission, to take himself off to a friend's house. These arrangements are usually cooked up on the way to school. Either way, we don't have a lot of meaningful interaction with him during these times. There is a sort of detachment to it. It has become a safeguarding role. I'm not sure whether this can be regarded as grandparenting or childminding. When he is with us at our house during holidays, or when they all come for a meal, it is definitely grandparenting. Whichever it is, I wouldn't change our time with him.

I'm childminding, at the moment.
10 days with grandsons, dog, cat
I wouldn't volunteer to do it; I was asked to.

I look after various – sometimes all six – grandchildren for about 25–29 hours a week. School holidays – and we are just coming to the end of an eight-week summer holiday – they spend far more time here. (I am exhausted and so looking forward to February 7, although I love them very much.) The two little ones routinely have their full days with me and the older ones routinely come to my house after school. In fact, they all regard my house as a kind of extension of their own home.

My eldest grandchild, now 15, goes home from school on the school bus, apart from occasional days when his mother collects him after work and they come to collect the others and sometimes stay for a bit of a chat. I am slightly shaken that my eldest granddaughter (13) who is starting college [high school] tomorrow, will be coming and going by bus so she won't be stopping here after school – unless she really wants to. My four-year-old grandson will be starting school next April, when he is five, and we shall no longer have our "Granna and Finn" days.

Of course, we spend time together as a family when we can: birthdays, Christmas, Easter, summer barbecues, when we feel like it and all have time, and so on. I am their grandmother, not their "official carer", and that is all there is to it. I love them and they love me. It rocks; why make it difficult?

Horses for courses. No distinction if I must childmind.

For me there is not a difference. Time spent with my DGCs, either in sole charge or together with their parents is time I value and usually enjoy! They are children so have their moments, as do I as an adult!

DD's know I respect their dietry / behaviour regimes/approaches but also know hard and fast rules are made to be broken! There is give and take and a lot of love on both sides so no major problems!

I could not do, due to work, f/t childcare but offered what I wanted and was able to do. Both DDs are grateful for the help and support I am able to offer and it makes a difference to them as a family.

DH & I have a busy social life/ holidays and still both work p/t but our time with the DGC is precious. They, and we, will be older sooner that we know. They will be more independent and have lives of their own and we may become infirm/ill, less sprightly at least!

I appreciate I am very lucky to live close to my family. I have several friends who live 1000s of miles apart and cannot be 'hands on' regularly. It is not a measure of love, simply circumstance.

We all have to find an arrangement that suits us and our families. It is not a competition and love is shown in many different ways.

I have to look after my two young GC (4 and 5.5 yrs) two days a week. I see myself a a stand-in parent while doing this childminding, keeping to established routines and making sure that I follow their parents' wishes regarding food, TV time, discipline (DGS can be quite challenging!) and so on. It's not easy, and to be honest I really don't enjoy it. On the other hand, when they come for a sleepover, I can go into proper Grandma mode, and the rules are quite different - DS and DIL are happy for me to spoil them on these occasions, with a film, crisps, their favourite foods, playing with them all the rest of the time, in other words doing all the things that wouldn't be good for them on a daily basis. We all enjoy ourselves and the DG go home happy. Give me grandparenting over childminding any day!

Not childminding just because parents aren't here IMO anyway. Prefer having them to ourselves as they behave perfectly when no parents around. Got both GSs here now, staying overnight. They've eaten all their dinner and no problems at all. Just about to bath 6-year old then bed at 7.15 sharp.

Love my DGC to bits but i am their Granny who has a life. When my DD was a teenager she was told that i would never give up my business to be a childminder and to remember that when the time came. She did her but Husband(now ex) went out 6 weeks after the pregnancy was confirmed and bought a annual cinema passes for the pair of them, i asked who would be babysitting he replied "you of course" "my arse" was my reply.

Just done 6 hours of it today ( child minding DGC) they had wonderful time, we are exhausted.The problem is, today's grandparents are a lot older than they used to be, my own Grandmother was only fifty when I was born ( and many were younger than that.)Now, a Grandma may be 60, 65 or 70 when they are born.It does make a difference.Grandparenting is easier, when parents are there too and is a pleasant family visit.

It depends if the grandparent is in a situation whereby they are child minding on say a daily basis and are therefore in loco parentis having to establish rules and routines. Lately we have been doing it a couple of times a week but for brief fill in periods, so yes it's very much grandparenting time.

No difference at all. It's a privilege to share their lives, and I love every minute whether parents are there or not. I sometimes think I would like to see a bit more of their parents, but that's another story.... (Busy busy lives )

Oh the cuddles Maggiemaybe I missed out the cuddles!! However tired you feel the cuddle makes you forget all about it.

I'm very by this thread. DH and I look after our DGS2 two full days a week while his parents work, and the other two DGS for a few hours every couple of weeks or so (their mum is at home at the moment). Like trisher and Luckygirl, we have fun with them and are certainly Nanna and Grandad, not childminders. We spend our time being daft and having cuddles and taking them out for little trips and treats. We never minded changing a nappy or two, and are looking forward to having a day a week next year with the new DGS4, due in April. Our DD2 always leaves lovely home-cooked dinners and teas for the three of us just to heat up, and she's a better cook than me! DH and I have said many a time that we are so lucky to have the family close by and to have had the chance to enjoy them. Yes, it's tiring, but it's a good tiredness! We never feel taken for granted and the whole family descends on us just as often as they ever did (Sunday dinners for 11 - now that's tiring! )

I make no distinction between the two - I am granny all the time, whether my own DC are present or not. I can't say it is something that bothers me.

I count myself lucky to have this wonderful time with the little ones - I love it!

I don't understand the difference, please can someone enlighten me? I childmind one day a week, but when I do it I am most definitely Granny, no one else. Grandparenting is sitting on the floor doing a puzzle, or playing snap and losing, or running up and down the hall playing a chasing game that reduces my GS to fits of giggles or sitting quietly in a chair whilst GD brushes and 'tidies' my hair. I do all these things when I'm childminding and when their parents are there. When I am childminding I also cook meals and change nappies but I am still Granny and I behave in exactly the same way in each situation. (Slightly loony according to my DS) Yes it is tiring but it's fun as well.

Me too!

Amen,amen,amen. Not enjoying being a 'granny' as much as I should. Feeling quite worn out, actually. They are my world; my heart. I feel like I must have given birth to them! Lol

There is a very clear difference between the two but if childminding is a regular occurrence then it is very easy for the two to get blurred, usually at the expense of grandparenting time. This is because a) the children respond differently to you because they have developed particular routines with you and have particular expectations from the regular times when you are looking after them b) because it is easy for tired parents to begin to see the grandparents as useful for getting a break from the relentlessness of parenting and to slip out of family time into half assuming that a grandparent will deal with the kids. They don't really mean to, it just can easily happen!