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Grandparenting

Grandparenting time vs childminding time

(34 Posts)
NannaM Mon 19-Sep-16 16:02:07

I am wondering if anyone has any comments on this? is there a difference?

silverlining48 Mon 19-Sep-16 16:08:29

I think there is a difference because grandparenting is when you see the grandchildren with your children, their parents, but are not responsible for them but childminding is when you are on your own fully responsible for the grandchildren. Certainly while childminding can be very satisfactory it's also tiring. I wonder whether some children think that when their parents care for the little ones that is all that is necessary and the grand parenting part is reduced to the occasional visit.

Granarchist Mon 19-Sep-16 17:49:14

Two totally different things - I am lucky in that I do grandparenting and occasional evening/night time babysitting - no child minding. The babysitting takes places in our house and usually the parents creep in, scoop up children and carry them back down the lane to their house. If we are feeling extra kind we keep them overnight and then we all have breakfast in bed with the dogs as well!! Great fun. I made it clear before the DC had children that I would not be a child minder :- a - because I was still working full time and b - because I wanted to be a granny.The DDs do not take advantage and of course I am always there for emergencies.

tanith Mon 19-Sep-16 18:11:18

I do lots of grandparenting without any parent present. Its time when yes I have sole charge but it's because I either want to spend time with them or have an activity planned not for childminding purposes.
I also do a small amount of childminding if they are sick or have a day off school that coincides with Mum working. Very different things to me.

silverlining48 Mon 19-Sep-16 18:13:44

Sounds like you have the ideal situation granarchist. Sometimes regret offering one regular day a week ( plus as and when) childminding because there have been times when I feel we are rather taken for granted.
We spend little family time together solely as grandparents because daughter and husband always too stressed/ busy to see us unless we are on duty as it were. Then it's ships in the night as they leave when we get there, (us having got up at 5.30 am in order to arrive on time). Sorry about the moan, if I had my time again would probably do what you do.

Grannyknot Mon 19-Sep-16 18:16:47

I don't think of it as childminding when my little grandson visits (with his parents here) and I take him off on my own to go and visit my friend, do window shopping on the high street, take him to the nearby playground. That is grandparenting.

Childminding (to my mind) is a totally different kettle of fish.

Pollengran Mon 19-Sep-16 18:20:10

For the first three years we did a lot of childminding, but due to nursery and other things, we are not required quite as much, although we are still "on duty" at least once a week.

Now, we offer things like a Saturday sleepover to give the parents a break. We see that as grandparenting rather than childminding because it is our choice and our pleasure.

silverlining48 Mon 19-Sep-16 18:35:52

In conclusion, it appears that yes, there is a big difference between grandparenting and childminding. If only I had realised that 5 years ago.

NannaM Tue 20-Sep-16 15:06:09

Thankyou all. ๐Ÿ‘

Granmary18 Sun 02-Oct-16 20:39:54

There is a very clear difference between the two but if childminding is a regular occurrence then it is very easy for the two to get blurred, usually at the expense of grandparenting time. This is because a) the children respond differently to you because they have developed particular routines with you and have particular expectations from the regular times when you are looking after them b) because it is easy for tired parents to begin to see the grandparents as useful for getting a break from the relentlessness of parenting and to slip out of family time into half assuming that a grandparent will deal with the kids. They don't really mean to, it just can easily happen!

exhaustedgranny Sun 29-Jan-17 13:13:57

Amen,amen,amen. Not enjoying being a 'granny' as much as I should. Feeling quite worn out, actually. They are my world; my heart. I feel like I must have given birth to them! Lol

exhaustedgranny Sun 29-Jan-17 13:15:44

Me too!

trisher Sun 29-Jan-17 13:29:37

I don't understand the difference, please can someone enlighten me? I childmind one day a week, but when I do it I am most definitely Granny, no one else. Grandparenting is sitting on the floor doing a puzzle, or playing snap and losing, or running up and down the hall playing a chasing game that reduces my GS to fits of giggles or sitting quietly in a chair whilst GD brushes and 'tidies' my hair. I do all these things when I'm childminding and when their parents are there. When I am childminding I also cook meals and change nappies but I am still Granny and I behave in exactly the same way in each situation. (Slightly loony according to my DS) Yes it is tiring but it's fun as well.

Luckygirl Sun 29-Jan-17 14:12:42

I make no distinction between the two - I am granny all the time, whether my own DC are present or not. I can't say it is something that bothers me.

I count myself lucky to have this wonderful time with the little ones - I love it!

Maggiemaybe Sun 29-Jan-17 14:34:15

I'm very confused by this thread. DH and I look after our DGS2 two full days a week while his parents work, and the other two DGS for a few hours every couple of weeks or so (their mum is at home at the moment). Like trisher and Luckygirl, we have fun with them and are certainly Nanna and Grandad, not childminders. We spend our time being daft and having cuddles and taking them out for little trips and treats. We never minded changing a nappy or two, and are looking forward to having a day a week next year with the new DGS4, due in April. Our DD2 always leaves lovely home-cooked dinners and teas for the three of us just to heat up, and she's a better cook than me! DH and I have said many a time that we are so lucky to have the family close by and to have had the chance to enjoy them. Yes, it's tiring, but it's a good tiredness! We never feel taken for granted and the whole family descends on us just as often as they ever did (Sunday dinners for 11 - now that's tiring! grin)

trisher Sun 29-Jan-17 14:40:11

Oh the cuddles Maggiemaybe I missed out the cuddles!! However tired you feel the cuddle makes you forget all about it.

nightowl Sun 29-Jan-17 14:59:18

No difference at all. It's a privilege to share their lives, and I love every minute whether parents are there or not. I sometimes think I would like to see a bit more of their parents, but that's another story.... (Busy busy lives sad)

TerriBull Sun 29-Jan-17 15:09:17

It depends if the grandparent is in a situation whereby they are child minding on say a daily basis and are therefore in loco parentis having to establish rules and routines. Lately we have been doing it a couple of times a week but for brief fill in periods, so yes it's very much grandparenting time.

rosesarered Sun 29-Jan-17 17:35:18

Just done 6 hours of it today ( child minding DGC) they had wonderful time, we are exhausted.The problem is, today's grandparents are a lot older than they used to be, my own Grandmother was only fifty when I was born ( and many were younger than that.)Now, a Grandma may be 60, 65 or 70 when they are born.It does make a difference.Grandparenting is easier, when parents are there too and is a pleasant family visit.

grannypiper Sun 29-Jan-17 18:03:10

Love my DGC to bits but i am their Granny who has a life. When my DD was a teenager she was told that i would never give up my business to be a childminder and to remember that when the time came. She did her but Husband(now ex) went out 6 weeks after the pregnancy was confirmed and bought a annual cinema passes for the pair of them, i asked who would be babysitting he replied "you of course" "my arse" was my reply.

Anya Sun 29-Jan-17 18:38:36

Not childminding just because parents aren't here confused IMO anyway. Prefer having them to ourselves as they behave perfectly when no parents around. Got both GSs here now, staying overnight. They've eaten all their dinner and no problems at all. Just about to bath 6-year old then bed at 7.15 sharp.

MamaCaz Sun 29-Jan-17 21:13:49

I have to look after my two young GC (4 and 5.5 yrs) two days a week. I see myself a a stand-in parent while doing this childminding, keeping to established routines and making sure that I follow their parents' wishes regarding food, TV time, discipline (DGS can be quite challenging!) and so on. It's not easy, and to be honest I really don't enjoy it. On the other hand, when they come for a sleepover, I can go into proper Grandma mode, and the rules are quite different - DS and DIL are happy for me to spoil them on these occasions, with a film, crisps, their favourite foods, playing with them all the rest of the time, in other words doing all the things that wouldn't be good for them on a daily basis. We all enjoy ourselves and the DG go home happy. Give me grandparenting over childminding any day!

Penstemmon Sun 29-Jan-17 21:52:30

For me there is not a difference. Time spent with my DGCs, either in sole charge or together with their parents is time I value and usually enjoy! They are children so have their moments, as do I as an adult!

DD's know I respect their dietry / behaviour regimes/approaches but also know hard and fast rules are made to be broken! There is give and take and a lot of love on both sides so no major problems!

I could not do, due to work, f/t childcare but offered what I wanted and was able to do. Both DDs are grateful for the help and support I am able to offer and it makes a difference to them as a family.

DH & I have a busy social life/ holidays and still both work p/t but our time with the DGC is precious. They, and we, will be older sooner that we know. They will be more independent and have lives of their own and we may become infirm/ill, less sprightly at least!

I appreciate I am very lucky to live close to my family. I have several friends who live 1000s of miles apart and cannot be 'hands on' regularly. It is not a measure of love, simply circumstance.

We all have to find an arrangement that suits us and our families. It is not a competition and love is shown in many different ways.

Araabra Mon 30-Jan-17 01:30:26

Horses for courses. No distinction if I must childmind.

absent Mon 30-Jan-17 04:37:06

I look after various โ€“ sometimes all six โ€“ grandchildren for about 25โ€“29 hours a week. School holidays โ€“ and we are just coming to the end of an eight-week summer holiday โ€“ they spend far more time here. (I am exhausted and so looking forward to February 7, although I love them very much.) The two little ones routinely have their full days with me and the older ones routinely come to my house after school. In fact, they all regard my house as a kind of extension of their own home.

My eldest grandchild, now 15, goes home from school on the school bus, apart from occasional days when his mother collects him after work and they come to collect the others and sometimes stay for a bit of a chat. I am slightly shaken that my eldest granddaughter (13) who is starting college [high school] tomorrow, will be coming and going by bus so she won't be stopping here after school โ€“ unless she really wants to. My four-year-old grandson will be starting school next April, when he is five, and we shall no longer have our "Granna and Finn" days.

Of course, we spend time together as a family when we can: birthdays, Christmas, Easter, summer barbecues, when we feel like it and all have time, and so on. I am their grandmother, not their "official carer", and that is all there is to it. I love them and they love me. It rocks; why make it difficult?