Glad I'm NOT a grandparent

If you are glad you are not a grandparent then that's good as it is your children's choice whether they should become parents, not your choice that you don't want to be a grandmother. . I never thought about being a grandparent, I was too young. When he was born it was the best feeling ever, I have felt like that for the other three, they bring the love with them, so yes we do talk about them to other grandparents but just a small part of the conversation, but a big part of our lives.

When my DD announced she was pregnant, my first thought was 'oh no I'm going to be a granny, I'm only 50'. When that baby was born, it was the (second) most wonderful feeling ever. It has been a joy. She is a teenager now and it still feels fantastic. I remember telling a friend at the time, and she said 'oh poor you, I would hate to be a grandmother'. She is now a grandmother of four and totally besotted.

Bionicwoman was it just a flying visit to put the cat amongst the pigeons to explain how you feel about grandparents attitudes to Non grandparents.
Or will you be joining us for other discussions?
You will be very welcome
why did you choose your GN name.
I still associate The Bionic Woman with Lindsey Wagner.
You could tell us about your interest in trains.
I'm sure many will be interested
A few of the 'grandads' will also be quite happy I'm sure.

BTW your post does read a bit like an article that you would find in one of the Sunday paper supplements
I know you said you were retired.
But just wondered if may be you are a freelance writer.

I don't think it is weird or odd that OP does not want grandchildren although obviously that is not within her control anyway. As a fifty something though I was delighted when my DD announced she was pregnant last year and we have just celebrated my DGD first birthday. My closest friend is looking forward to her first DC being born next year but on our trip to lunch and cinema this week we did not mention our GC at all. Maybe you have been unlucky and have friends who do drone on about their kids and grandkids relentlessly but acquaintances of ours who drone on about all sorts of things don't have grandkids so that is not unique to grandparents. I think it is rude to assume people want kids and no ones business but their own.

We are lucky and live near my daughter who has a child so get to see lots of our DGD and look after her one day a week when my daughter works part time. Her other granny has her one day and she goes to nursery to give her lots of variety. I still work and we travel, have hobbies and are interested in all sorts of things including trains so hope we don't drone on. I usually don't volunteer information about family unless asked.

Each to their own

That's hard, Day6
I understand about not wanting to cause a rift. I guess you just have to enjoy your time with your DGCs

Princesspamma

Wow ! Your's really is the most interesting post I've ever seen on Gransnet !!

Well here's one Nan whose happy to be asked to help My grandaughter isn't very well today, nothing serious a sore throat bit of a temperature and feeling tired and weepy so I ve just done her paper round for her about 140 houses, takes over an hour and I m now going to have a little nap in front of the Tv zzzzzz

Jane, I understand what you are saying but my children work and trying to get them all together at the same time is so difficult.

Just recently OH and I said we ought to escape the winter and go abroad next February. We'd love a family holiday with our children and GC. We would rent a villa and asked our children if they'd like to come with the GC. Both said no as they didn't have enough holiday available. I wouldn't mind but the reason one doesn't have any holiday is because two have been planned with her in-laws next year!

I have invited them over to lunch and even when my daughter (the more distant one) does come to collect GC when I have had him for a few days. she spurns the lunch I've made, eats a bread stick, checks her phone for most of the time she is here and then says she has to go. I have half an hour of her company and feel she cannot wait to get away.

I know all too well that time is precious when you are a working parent - I was one too - but I do feel I don't have much of a relationship with one of my children in particular. No animosity, just no warmth from her, or love, no matter how hard I try. We were close as she was growing up.

I've said nothing but I feel very hurt. I cannot cause a rift because I hate bad feeling and I also enjoy having the GC but I feel I might as well be called Baby Sitter, not Granny.

I don't think you're weird at all. I have two friends who decided, with their husbands, that they did not want children. Both were devoted teachers who dedicated their working lives to education, just didn't want their own children. I've got seven grandchildren, and another on the way, but if my son or daughter had decided not to have children, or hadn't been able to have them, it wouldn't have bothered me at all, much as I love the ones I have. I do know people who talk of little else but their grandchildren.I know others who, like me, talk about them where and when appropriate ( and this is sometimes to talk about a concern, such as one has currently encountered very unpleasant bullying in her first weeks at secondary school. Sometimes to talk about something that has gone well) but I also talk about books I've read, exhibitions I've been to, restaurants, things in the news, etc. However, being a grandparent is not within our choice and it may or may not be that your children decide they do want children. However things work out, as long as people are happy with the decisions they have made and are not judged or do not judge others whose decisions are different, then no problem.

Nice !!
£100 but that is £10 a year if the boots last for 10 years
Just the right heel and half sizes too

princesspamma are they flattish (not completely flat) or heeled?
Actually, I long for some new knee-length boots, the last pair (Clark's) have just given up, the leather is still good but the soles have disintegrated after about 10 years.
I will look online, thank you.

Actually, apart from a thread about dietary requirements, this is the only thread I have been on discussing DGC!

Well, this OP has certainly sparked some interest! I still think it's a bit odd. To my mind, one of bionicwoman's enthusiasms is about the most boring interest known to man (or woman). I do know train enthusiasts, my eyes have glazed over frequently when they've told me all about them, and they are members of forums for like-minded people with an interest in trains. And good for them.

But why would I ever choose to go onto one of these sites just to announce "I don't want to talk about trains, me", and then explain at great length why not?

But if it's just a way of introducing yourself to the rest of us, then welcome to Gransnet, bionicwoman, and I look forward to hearing more from you (not if it's about trains though ).

Hi Bionic. I totally understand your views even though I have 2 grandchildren!

Though my kids were 32 and 38 before they decided to become parents. I was 32 when I had twins and remember (still with some irritation) the comments so called friends would make about the fact that I seemed to be thoroughly enjoying life without kids. I swear I think it was jealousy because we were financially stable, holidays every 3 months, eating out and loads of luxuries.

Nowadays it seems the majority of mothers elect to return to work often because they take on huge mortgage etc. So for 5 out of 7 days a week their little darlings are sent to nursery with obligatory help from grandparents because it keeps the astronomical childcare costs down

I love my grandson every bit as much as any other grandparent on here .... But now wonder how I was persuaded to have him 3 afternoons a week! Doesn't sound too much does it ... But I find it exhausting frustrating and a thankless task.

Probably far more frustrating than bringing up ones own children.

I never discussed with either of my kids their plans for starting a family. Yet again my friends who already had several grandchildren, would be constantly asking "no babies yet" with a sigh!!!! My own scenario. How rude they were.

So good luck to you in enjoying your life whether or not grand kids come along. Just be warned .... Childcare is a nightmare. Never again and I've made this fact known to both my adult kids.

And to the poster who said something about "being the favourite nanny" ...... Well words fail me ????????

Which is I think is exactly what I said if you don't want to hear about grandchildren then join something else.

If the original poster WANTS to join Gransnet, then she will be very welcome, and whatever opinions she cares to share will be listened to and discussed.

If (as it appears) she prefers a grandchild-free site where she will never hear such a thing mentioned, that is her choice.

Gangan If you look at www.gransnet.com/info/about you will see that "Gransnet is the busiest social networking site for the over 50s."
and
"What if I'm not a grandmother?"

"We have a shed for grandads (though we don't insist they stay in there) and lots of topics that are of interest to a wide range of people. So, while the overwhelming majority of our members are grandmothers, we pride ourselves on our inclusiveness."

Nelliemoser..........Gransnet is the Social networking site for Britains 14 million GRANDPARENTS. There are a lot of other social networking sites to join if you do not have any interest in grandchildren. Older Is Wiser for example plus a lot more.

Victoria have you said something?

I'm the parent generation and from our perspective I think a lot of us feel pressure to "allow" the grandparents over night sleepovers and time without us even well before we're really comfortable with it. It doesn't always benefit us exactly so much as it's what we think the grandparents want and what we should be doing.. sometimes.. other people shamelessly use grandparents as free babysitters

but either way, I think the generations need to talk a bit more clearly (both ways) about what we hope for and what we can offer/expect from the grandparenting-grandchild relationship.

I work with a lot of grandparents who on the one hand now complain about being exhausted (I'm not surprised) from working full time and doing grandchild childcare on their days off…. however the same women pushed for overnight "turns" with the grandchildren when they were babies and it's just continuted and I don't think anyone is really sitting down and speaking clearly and frankly about whether it is still working for everyone IYKWIM

The same for daytime childcare. Some parents prefer the idea of babies being with grandparents when they're babies - of course it's more personal and homely than nursery.. but as time goes on sometimes parent's aren't 100% happy with the arrangement but feel they can't pull out of it and switch to nursery without offending the grandparents… while on the other side of the coin the grandparents might feel it's a bigger commitment than they anticipate and THEY feel they can't "let the parents down"

IMO for it to work there needs to be contintued frank re-assessments to see if it's working for everyone

I am now 71 years old and have a GS, one year old.
I look after him on a regular basis for around eight to ten hours during the day.

But while he is a lovely little felllow, it leaves me completely exhausted and takes me a day or two to recover.
I had forgotten just how much hard work babies are, and to be honest, I could have done without it.
I was looking forward to a peaceful retirement -fat chance of that now.
I also find it very stressful, i.e.: choking, accidents. I don't have the confidence I once had when I was younger.
So, Bionicwoman, I understand where you are coming from. I just wish my daughter had the same sentiments.

bionicwoman I don't in the least think you're weird for not wanting grandchildren. I do, however, think it's a bit weird to come on here so that you can tell us

Gangan1 Why not join Gransnet? There is a heck of a lot more on here than grand children. you do not have to be a gran to join.

I would like to ask the same question why join Gransnet.

BIONICWOMAN,each to their own but may i ask why you joined Gransnet ?

"talking about their grandchildren" is rather vague

If someone's grandchild was an olympian or paralympian for example I would want and EXPECT them to be banging on about them round about now and would be very interested.

If someone's precious snowflake is VERY very clever and gifted and better than all other children because they're doing something very average like using a potty, well… not so much :-D

Grandchildren are people, of all ages, some will be dull people, some will be fascinating. If you aren't interested in people then…. good luck with that, there's nothing wrong with being a loner but loners don't generally seek out verification from others like the OP has done

I do agree it is a free country which is why I am entitled to make my comments. I just don't understand why someone with no grandchildren and has no interest in grandchildren would want to read the comments on here.