Gransnet forums


Glad I'm NOT a grandparent

(242 Posts)
bionicwoman Thu 29-Sep-16 13:31:00

Both my children (32 and 35) have announced that they do not want children - and I am quite relieved!
So why when I tell people this (usually when they have been droning on about their grandchildren for the last hour) do they feel they have to say, 'Don't worry, they may change their minds', or say something that clearly implies that I am unnatural or weird in some way.
I am 60 and retired. I have a couple of dogs to walk and that is enough of a tie for me. I do not want to babysit, or take children to the park, or have them to sleep over. I've been there and done that with my own two when I was young enough to get on my hands and knees to play.
I think what I'm trying to say to all you grandparents out there is that there are people like me who are not worried in the slightest that they do not have grandchildren, have plenty of other things to do in retirement and are not selfish/ miserable/ peculiar.
Why am I on this site? Well, firstly to get the message above out to those of you who think I am strange/ will change that I am not and will not. And secondly because I came across this site when Googling the positives of not having grandchildren. Apparently there are none! I would beg to differ and would be happy to list them, but some of you might consider me 'negative'.
So all you grandparents out there, enjoy the next generation if that gives you pleasure, but please don't pity me or think I'm weird. And no, I don'to want hear about your grandchildren. Could we talk about you instead?

Grannyknot Thu 29-Sep-16 13:48:30

Interesting viewpoint bionicwoman. I guess it's the same as when someone chooses to not have children and somehow that implies that that choice makes their lives less rewarding/interesting. But I'm not surprised that there are people like you in the world - why wouldn't there be?

I'm not sure that anyone will find it weird that you don't particularly want grandchildren. It's not really a choice that we get to make once we've had children, though, is it? So in some way it is just luck that your preference not to be a grandmother has coincided with your children's decisions.

Not sure what else there is to say about this!

aggie Thu 29-Sep-16 13:52:26

methinks the lady doth protest too much !

Jane10 Thu 29-Sep-16 13:56:23

We were on a canal holiday last year. Only 6 passengers. At the 'getting to know you' session on the first night one lady announced that she wasn't interested in children and didn't want to hear anything about them or grandchildren. It certainly brought things to a halt conversation wise. As it turned out none of the rest of us found this couple to be congenial company anyway. We most likely wouldn't have talked about children at all. The age group including this woman and her husband was 60+.
Most odd conversational opener.

tanith Thu 29-Sep-16 14:14:25

I do hope your children don't change their minds as you'll be very disappointed or will you? You aren't strange at all my children's grandmother has always let it known to them that she isn't the least interested in them or their lives and that's her choice however she is a very lonely 90 yr old that they have no interest in at all.

nanaK54 Thu 29-Sep-16 14:17:32

Not really sure why you needed to share that.
Each to their own and all that.
I am delighted to be a nana to four

nanaK54 Thu 29-Sep-16 14:20:26

Oh and I don't 'drone on' about them, I do however like talking about them with likeminded friends.....

hildajenniJ Thu 29-Sep-16 14:25:09

I love my four grandchildren dearly, but I can find plenty of other things to talk about.

NanaandGrampy Thu 29-Sep-16 14:27:27

Interesting point Tanith .

People do change their minds, or accidents happen. How would you cope with that bionic?

I don't think you're weird , it's just like not everyone wants to be a mother. My youngest DD MiL has limited interest in her grandchildren and I say Hurrah !!!! More time for me to spend with them .... I'm the favourite Nana smile .

My grandchildren are part of me , so I do talk about them, and my kids and my dog, and my crafting and my DH. You can't slice out one thing because then you wouldn't get me !

felice Thu 29-Sep-16 14:27:37

I try not to 'wax lyrical' about DGS to all and sundry.
The people I do not understand are the ones who complain about Not being a Grandparent, the people who feel they have the right to interfere in their adult childrens lives to the extent of sometimes becoming estranged from them.
I know of one marriage which broke up because the MIL just could not stop going on about it. The young woman had all the tests going and was fine. The son refused to be tested as his Mother had told him 'there is nothing wrong with my boy'.
Surely you do not look at your new baby and think 'one day you will make me a Grandma'.
Just be blessed with what you have and be happy your children are safe and happy.

Lillie Thu 29-Sep-16 14:29:15

I'm happy for you if that's how you feel, but I'm not happy that you suggest grandparents should shut up about their grandchildren. Most people are sensitive to others' feelings either side of the discussion and don't talk incessantly about their grandchildren. However, surely by talking about the future generation keeps you aware of what is going on in the world (in terms of education, housing, childcare, fashions, technology etc). Grandparents talk about a lot more things than just nappy changes and baby weaning.

rosesarered Thu 29-Sep-16 14:30:05

I always try and keep DGC stories to a minimum, especially if with friends who don't have them ( for whatever reasons,) as it would be very boring for them.
If all our DC had decided not to have children , that would have been ok with us, don't think we would have been too disappointed, although I know some people would be.
Welcome to the forum bionic there are quite a few non grans on here, and not that many threads about grandchildren.We talk about all sorts of

gillybob Thu 29-Sep-16 14:31:13

Oh you sound so very bitter bionicwoman sad

Children can be such a joy and being around young people does you so much good and helps to keep you in touch with "today".

Things have changed so much since your own children were small and (for me) there is nothing nicer than having a really in depth conversation with my grandchildren (something you can't do with a dog). You would be surprised how much we can learn from them as well as the other way around. Also for me there is no nicer feeling than hearing my little grandson saying "I love you Grandma" when he goes to sleep, it gives me a lovely warm and tingly feeling, like all is well in this (often) horrible world.

I know it sounds corny but families are like Carousels of love. It goes round and round and round. smile

Lillie Thu 29-Sep-16 14:32:16

Oh yes, NanaandGrampy I can talk for hours about the dog!

rockgran Thu 29-Sep-16 14:35:17

I was quite prepared to be grandchildless and was not worried about it. There is certainly more to life. However, now that I have two I love them to bits. It was not my choice either way so it is best just to go with the flow.

Luckygirl Thu 29-Sep-16 14:36:23

Well I am happy to state that my 7 GC are the greatest joy of my life! I would not have missed this treat for anything.

I respond to questions about them and when asked my answers reflect that joy.

And I am bored with heartless people droning on about how they do not want GC and how unacceptable it is that people talk about them grin

I think Aggie has hit the nail on the head. I find the OP quite irrelevant. If he/she is not interested in GC then find a site that does not ever ever mention them. Or start one.

gillybob Thu 29-Sep-16 14:36:35

Don't forget of course that my grandchildren will be working to look after your children bionicwoman .

Any chance of seeing that list?

millymouge Thu 29-Sep-16 14:36:43

I love all 6 of mine dearly, but do have plenty of,other topics of conversation. Neither do I carry photos of all of them to,show to all.and sundry. If others mention theirs I would say that I had mine but I appreciate that others may not be interested. I certainly don't pity people or think they are weird because they feel differently about grandchildren. To each his own I say. I also have two dogs and do like to talk about them.

Synonymous Thu 29-Sep-16 14:37:05

aggie you beat me to it! "The lady doth protest too much" was my first reaction.
That was a very confrontational post and I doubt very much that those opinions will encourage much in the way of any conversation at all. hmm
As DH said, it is a real blessing that there are no grandchildren in that family! sad

thatbags Thu 29-Sep-16 14:42:11

Hi bionic, did you know that one can be a gran without wanting to babysit, without wanting grandkid sleepovers (ones without at least one of their parents too, that is), and without wanting to take them to the park?

One can.

No pity from me therefore, nor do I think you weird. Enjoy your life smile

hulahoop Thu 29-Sep-16 15:03:42

Each to their own good job some grandchildren arrive or world as we know it would end .
I didn't expect any but now have 4and I enjoy them but also enjoy other things .

ninathenana Thu 29-Sep-16 15:05:26

I don't think the op is weird or heartless.
I do love my two GC very much now they are here but it wouldn't have bothered me if D had decided she didn't want children. In fact I confess here and now H wanted our children more than me. There was no instant love, now I would lay down my life for them.
I make a point of not mentioning the GC to my close friend unless she asks about them (which she usually does, bless her) as she doesn't have GC.
I certainly don't think GN's are obsessed with GC we discuss all sorts as others have said.

Elegran Thu 29-Sep-16 15:16:03

Bionicwoman If you want to know about us go to any of the threads that don't have grans or grandchildren in the title. There are plenty.

Never mind telling us all about your non-existent grandchildren, let's hear about you, and hear your opinions on some of the threads - try the political ones if you like a good argument debate.

Everyone of us is different. I remember one poster on here who never saw her grandchildren and was very bitter about a relation who happened to mention his own, because she felt it was insensitive of him to bring up the subject in front of her. I hope you won't be too upset or bored if occasionally a mention creeps in to a discussion. We can't disown them.

Jalima Thu 29-Sep-16 15:18:35

You don't have to be a grandparent to join Gransnet - it's not a prerequisite - and there are lots of topics that are not about grandchildren (in fact most of them!).

We didn't think we would have any (or in fact any children for many years) but along they came and we adore them - each baby brings its own love with it.
However, some of the DC wanted them and some didn't, that is their choice.

But, as gillybob says, our DGC will be paying taxes for the pensions etc of your DC!!

mumofmadboys Thu 29-Sep-16 15:43:20

I agree'The lady doth protest too much!' I am not a GP yet but very much hope I will be one day and I love talking to children.They are fascinating.