Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Glad I'm NOT a grandparent

(243 Posts)
bionicwoman Thu 29-Sept-16 13:31:00

Both my children (32 and 35) have announced that they do not want children - and I am quite relieved!
So why when I tell people this (usually when they have been droning on about their grandchildren for the last hour) do they feel they have to say, 'Don't worry, they may change their minds', or say something that clearly implies that I am unnatural or weird in some way.
I am 60 and retired. I have a couple of dogs to walk and that is enough of a tie for me. I do not want to babysit, or take children to the park, or have them to sleep over. I've been there and done that with my own two when I was young enough to get on my hands and knees to play.
I think what I'm trying to say to all you grandparents out there is that there are people like me who are not worried in the slightest that they do not have grandchildren, have plenty of other things to do in retirement and are not selfish/ miserable/ peculiar.
Why am I on this site? Well, firstly to get the message above out to those of you who think I am strange/ will change that I am not and will not. And secondly because I came across this site when Googling the positives of not having grandchildren. Apparently there are none! I would beg to differ and would be happy to list them, but some of you might consider me 'negative'.
So all you grandparents out there, enjoy the next generation if that gives you pleasure, but please don't pity me or think I'm weird. And no, I don'to want hear about your grandchildren. Could we talk about you instead?

NanaandGrampy Thu 29-Sept-16 17:30:39

I think Charley has made the rank of honorary Grandparent two my 2 smallest ones and she treats my rambling on with kindness . Maybe its through that rambling that she now knows who I am ...and that gives us a wonderful connection especially for people who have never met ...wait till she tells you about Tara...now that's a cat with attitude smile

Jalima Thu 29-Sept-16 17:23:10

I think it may be, Charleygirl, I may watch it again

Sheerhell1 Thu 29-Sept-16 17:21:47

I dont like dogs or cats so I will have to put up with my 8 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild poor me

Cherrytree59 Thu 29-Sept-16 17:19:35

Well thing we all have in common is that we (including you bonicwoman) are all grandchildren!

Welcome.
Do you want to tell us about your dogs ?
I don't have a dog but I am more then happy to read about yours smile

Charleygirl Thu 29-Sept-16 17:19:03

Jalima is that the same programme on tonight at 8pm on BBC4?

Sheerhell1 Thu 29-Sept-16 17:18:54

why are you on Gransnet then

Jalima Thu 29-Sept-16 17:17:04

Btw I like trains too, not the modern get you from A to B trains but steam engines, old railways etc
Did you see that programme last night on BBC1 - 'Railways - the Making of a Nation'

It's not all Thomas the Tank Engine in this house!

Charleygirl Thu 29-Sept-16 17:16:42

Riverwalk that is me and I love hearing about the exploits of some of the children. I have read a lot of NanaandGrampy's posts and I feel that I almost know her gc.

I also love hearing about animals but only on an "animal" thread or soop's kitchen. It would not be appropriate on eg a politics thread.

Jalima Thu 29-Sept-16 17:09:21

ffin* I'm not in the least concerned that you don't want grandchildren
Me neither!

In fact, I have heard people drone on endlessly about their dogs; now, I like dogs, have owned dogs and am interested in my grand-dogs but wouldn't talk about them all the time and would become very bored if someone else did.

granjura Thu 29-Sept-16 17:00:48

How did your own parents react to you deciding to have children - eg their grand-children???

Greyduster Thu 29-Sept-16 16:33:12

My best friend came to lunch yesterday. She has two GC, I have one. She was here for four and a half hours and we spent around twenty minutes talking about our GC and the rest of the time talking about all sorts of other things. I have another friend who is not a gran, but rings me and talks incessantly about her two adult sons and what they have been up to. I am not in the least miffed if, as is quite often the case, we don't bring GS into the conversation. DD was thirty seven when she had our grandson - you really never know, bionicwoman. As for being glad - I am extremely glad to be a grandparent and I love it, but it doesn't define me. And by the way, I'm interested in trains too! smile

granjura Thu 29-Sept-16 16:24:49

Your prerogative Bionic - but please not that being a grandparent doesn't automatically be a slave to duties which stops you from enjoying your retirement.

At the end of the day- it won't be your prerogative- grandchildren may appear one day- somehow. People can change. What will you do then - run away? Cheers.

Riverwalk Thu 29-Sept-16 16:06:19

I think you're starting a fight in an empty room. If you look at all the current active threads there's hardly any about grandchildren!

There are some members who are happily on GN and don't even have children, never mind grandchildren.

Members are in the main women over 50 who talk about many things and occasionally grandchildren are mentioned.

janeainsworth Thu 29-Sept-16 15:56:24

Bionic I don't find it weird that you don't want grandchildren.
But I do think it's weird to suddenly appear on a forum with an in-your-face post which goes against the assumptions of the majority.
Do you go on cycling forums and announce that you can't understand why anyone would want to wear Lycra and you don't want to hear about their latest bike rides?

bionicwoman Thu 29-Sept-16 15:50:15

Sorry Lillie - that's not what I meant and I realise, having re read my post, that it comes across that way.
Perhaps I've had a few bad experiences recently with people who have chatted about GCs, then turned to me and asked if I have any. When I say no, the conversation goes on and I express my view, whereupon I have received some unwanted opinions regarding how I feel.
I always ask after my friends' children and GCs, and am genuinely interested as I know they are important to them, but could we then move on to something of mutual interest? After all, I don't talk too much about singing, embroidery and trains (yes, trains) which are all very important to me, as I appreciate that you do not share my fascination/ interest in these topics.
I'm beginning to understand how couples might feel when people ask them when they're going to start a family, and they say they have chosen to be childless.

ffinnochio Thu 29-Sept-16 15:46:08

Quite a lot of assumptions you're making there bionic, about how I might feel regarding your post, what with being a granny and all.
I didn't get to my age without realising that there are many different takes on how individuals live their lives, which includes of course, whether one wants children and grandchildren or not.

Quite frankly, I'm not in the least bit concerned that you don't want grandchildren. Why you thought I might be is somewhat surprising.

Alima Thu 29-Sept-16 15:44:03

I am truly happy for you bionic woman. You have things the way you want. Tell you what though, you don't need grandchildren to drone on about something. Holidays, illness, awful state of the world. The possibilities for droning on are endless.

mumofmadboys Thu 29-Sept-16 15:43:20

I agree'The lady doth protest too much!' I am not a GP yet but very much hope I will be one day and I love talking to children.They are fascinating.

Jalima Thu 29-Sept-16 15:18:35

You don't have to be a grandparent to join Gransnet - it's not a prerequisite - and there are lots of topics that are not about grandchildren (in fact most of them!).

We didn't think we would have any (or in fact any children for many years) but along they came and we adore them - each baby brings its own love with it.
However, some of the DC wanted them and some didn't, that is their choice.

But, as gillybob says, our DGC will be paying taxes for the pensions etc of your DC!!

Elegran Thu 29-Sept-16 15:16:03

Bionicwoman If you want to know about us go to any of the threads that don't have grans or grandchildren in the title. There are plenty.

Never mind telling us all about your non-existent grandchildren, let's hear about you, and hear your opinions on some of the threads - try the political ones if you like a good argument debate.

Everyone of us is different. I remember one poster on here who never saw her grandchildren and was very bitter about a relation who happened to mention his own, because she felt it was insensitive of him to bring up the subject in front of her. I hope you won't be too upset or bored if occasionally a mention creeps in to a discussion. We can't disown them.

ninathenana Thu 29-Sept-16 15:05:26

I don't think the op is weird or heartless.
I do love my two GC very much now they are here but it wouldn't have bothered me if D had decided she didn't want children. In fact I confess here and now H wanted our children more than me. There was no instant love, now I would lay down my life for them.
I make a point of not mentioning the GC to my close friend unless she asks about them (which she usually does, bless her) as she doesn't have GC.
I certainly don't think GN's are obsessed with GC we discuss all sorts as others have said.

hulahoop Thu 29-Sept-16 15:03:42

Each to their own good job some grandchildren arrive or world as we know it would end .
I didn't expect any but now have 4and I enjoy them but also enjoy other things .

thatbags Thu 29-Sept-16 14:42:11

Hi bionic, did you know that one can be a gran without wanting to babysit, without wanting grandkid sleepovers (ones without at least one of their parents too, that is), and without wanting to take them to the park?

One can.

No pity from me therefore, nor do I think you weird. Enjoy your life smile

Synonymous Thu 29-Sept-16 14:37:05

aggie you beat me to it! "The lady doth protest too much" was my first reaction.
That was a very confrontational post and I doubt very much that those opinions will encourage much in the way of any conversation at all. hmm
As DH said, it is a real blessing that there are no grandchildren in that family! sad

millymouge Thu 29-Sept-16 14:36:43

I love all 6 of mine dearly, but do have plenty of,other topics of conversation. Neither do I carry photos of all of them to,show to all.and sundry. If others mention theirs I would say that I had mine but I appreciate that others may not be interested. I certainly don't pity people or think they are weird because they feel differently about grandchildren. To each his own I say. I also have two dogs and do like to talk about them.