Do you tell all?

Me and my mum have had many arguments because she's not interested in following some ground rules I have at home. She said drunk the the other night to me that if we gave my eldest the choice she would move in with her.. yep of course mum, you don't make her eat healthy meals, don't make her brush her teeth, don't make her do homework, you don't parent her you grandparent her.. which is totally different!! If my daughter lived with my mum with the complete lack of boundaries set by her then my dd would be so far out of control my mum couldn't cope.

I'm very annoyed with her over this ATM!! I don't mind a bit of fun at nans of course but making out she likes her more is a joke- she's lucky I let it go as she was drunk ha ha

This was 30 years ago and I have 'matured' since then. And despite my appalling lack of parenting skills DS is a lovely man who I'm very proud of Yes my MIL did help out again because this wasn't exactly crime of the century. I obviously remember it so well because I'm aware that I made a mistake but hey, life goes on. Nobody's perfect eh? But I'll think twice before I comment again!

What happens in Nannies house, stays in Nannies house

And did your MIL ever help you out again?

So you thoroughly undermined mother-in-law and rewarded your son for locking her in the kitchen! A great lesson for him to learn.

When DS was about 5 he was being looked after by my MIL while we were at the school parents evening. There was a slight 'disagreement' when he asked for a chocolate bar from the kitchen cupboard and MIL said no. We got back to find her locked in the kitchen banging on the door to the lounge while he was sitting happily watching tv. Well, when things calmed down, I slipped him the chocolate bar but told him not to tell nana. Of course he gleefully marched into the lounge grinning as he waved the offending chocolate in her face!!

Regarding the original question, I would respect the GC's confidentiality in the hope that some day they may wish to confide in me and discuss something they feel they could not with their parents and would trust me.

Sounds very similar to my situation Siezetheday!

DD is quite anxious and dgd is under 1. I give her updates throughout the day about length of naps, whether dgd had a decent amount of breakfast/lunch etc and what she's been up to along with pics of her playing and out and about. I don't do regular childcare as I'm in Yorkshire and they're in London.

When I was minding toddler DGS1 we were at soft play and he had his face pinched hard by an older child. I was watching him and thought DGS was just talking to this boy. When I moved near the boys mother had grabbed him and taken him away. By the mums reaction I got the impression he had done this before. I reported the incident to the owner.

It was awful telling his mum when she rang in her lunch break. He had big bruises on his cheeks. I felt dreadful but there was not much I could do. DD was ok about it. I still feel bad. He probably has no memory of it.

Oh dear .... I think I've been doing it all wrong. So I'm going to follow the general consensus on here and in future will try to only mention positive stuff.

I'm so pleased I read this thread ..... As now realise I've definitely been guilty of 'too much information' so a big thank you to all

Well yes, I suppose I exaggerated! She doesnt really demand, just asks from time to time and it works both ways as I can ask for help and advice from her too like where are the wipes! Yes its a first baby, still Very young and mum only recently gone back to work. Things are calming down now as she settles into work and baby gets used to me. I think texting is really good - i wish it had been around when I had small children!

hi i have looked after my granddaughter 2 days every week since her mum went back to work 6 months ago and she goes 2 nursery 2 days a week . my DD used to text me asking what she had for meals and how much sleep she has had as SIL usually picks her up and forgets to tell her so i got a small book and write in what she had for lunch and tea and what naps she had so they know what she has eaten. i find this the best way and don't get texts all the time. when she at nursery they get a slip every day saying what she has eaten. what i do with her the rest of the time is up to me.

I report less and less as my granddaughter gets older (5 now). When she was a tiny baby I told my DIL every gurgle, feed, nappy etc. as I often had her for a full 24 hrs or more. Now I only report the fun we've had and any accidents or illness. My son & dil are happy with that as they trust me to always do the right thing by her.

Gosh you daughter should be having a break from the children not wanting constant updates and photos doesn't she trust you? Or is it maybe a brand new first baby ? When my parents used to have my three I never asked hour by hour what they did nor do my children with me now, they trust that if there's anything serious I ll tell them

Pollyperkins.

I think it's a bit extreme of your daughter to want photos and constant texting all day long.

It's exhausting enough looking after a toddler without having to do all that.

It drives me up the wall when my daughter wants to know exactly what time he fell asleep, woke up, had his lunch. Wheee we went for walk, for how long etc etc.

My patience is really stretched, especially when I am tired out.

Also, if he hasn't slept for long enough, I get scolded. Try to explain you can't make them go to sleep. If only, Aye.? Don't you sometimes feel a bit used.?

I tell the good and don't tell about the bad unless of course it's really necessary but I know from experience that they'll tell Mom if I don't ?? I used to treat our DGS to a mini chocolate ice cream bar after dinner...... apparently they popped round once while I was out and he asked Mom to open the freezer for his treat? He used to ask for the green pop that Nanna has in the 'other' fridge..... it was Sprite which I mix with my whisky ??

Nothing is left untold if GS1 is around So no choc bars or treats given unless I am told too. What I have never told DDIL was that GS2 took his first steps with me she has to go to work so it would have been mean for her to miss out.

TBH they are usually very good here.Nothing a firm word acn't control.
I don't normally tell parents if they have been naughty but there was one exception when DGD - who is a handful & used to have terrible tantrums when she should have long grown out of that phase was a nightmare one whole day, I did tell her I would tell Daddy when he got there & I did. He gave her a proper ticking off & we had tears & hysteria. She has never done it again here though so it must have made an impression.

i have my rules and grand daughter respects my decisions..its taken time and consistency but we have a good relationship.The melt downs stay private unless its something that needs to be aired.
We have all been parents but our standards are not those of our children. In the early days SIL and daughter thought I was to strict..now I think they see Im not, merely consistent.

Balanced view I think, as others have stated never negative comments, always positive. It works wonders! Only time to comment is if they've been unwell or had a bump, which thank goodness hardly ever happens. Also as they get older, keep their confidences, unless it is a serious matter that their parents should be aware of. It makes for a comfortable relationship where they can air their feelings without being judged and you can sometimes give some common sense answers to some of their worldly woes!

As far as I'm concerned, what happens at granny's stays at granny's, unless it's a major milestone. I will always correct bad behavior but don't complain to parents about it.

I tell everything almost word for word and I send pics. During the day. I discuss problems so I can deal with it better next time. A lot depends on tiredness, so I always find out if my grandchildren have had plenty of sleep. I also take them places. Soft play, swimming, walk the dog by the caves. Their imagination goes wild. So my children want to know what we have been doing.

We also have older grandchildren aged double figures. Our attitude is still to praise good behaviour but we've also told them if they need to talk what is said in nan and grandad house stays in nan and grandad house ,the only exception being if it is something serious that mum and dad should know. Its worked very well over the years and we've had interesting conversations about all sorts that they've been too embarrassed to talk to parents about or didn't want t to hurt parents feelings.we have a good balanced relationship with them

The Need to Know rule applies here too. DD didn't need to know about the toy that suddenly whizzed towards Grandad's chest yesterday. "But I was just playing catch with Grandad" was the impressively quick excuse. He's promised to give a bit of warning next time.