Grandson living with me

It seems as if it will never end but it does. Does anyone at college know how you feel? They often change at 17/18 when they realise that they are no longer children and must take on adult life.
Does he have any ambitions for his future, are they realistic?
Some pastoral care or counselling at college may help him realise that he has talents and capabilities and can shape his own future.
Does he know how you feel about your freedom? He probably sees you as someone. Perhaps the only person, who will always be there whatever he does. If so he would be shocked that you've had enough of him.

marieI know only too well how exhausting it is to be responsible for an angry with life teenager and to be the whipping post for all that anger, the feeling of responsibility can be overpowering,particularly if you have your own health issues,66 may not be old I am coming up 64.Living with teenage noise mess and disruption is not for the faint hearted and understand the feeling of creeping away to avoid confrontation and to gird your loins for the next round.I cannot offer any solutions and won't pat you on the head and say "oh but you are doing a good job" I know how bloody draining it is....my GD is 17 I have had custody since she was 4...we still have many challenges to come

I am bumping this thread up, as hope more posters will have an insight, maybe even had a similar situation themselves.

You sound at the end of your rope, I'm so sorry for the position you are in- I have no idea what it's like but being blamed by him (and possibly your DD for her choices is not right).
I feel like the other posters have it right when they advised you to see a GP for your own health issues and I would like to suggest some counselling. You are not a prisoner in your own home, nor is your DGS a child (he's not yet an adult but he's not helpless or choiceless either). You need practical ways to set guidelines and also to learn that he can also make choices (with consequences). If he chooses not to obey the house rules and have some respect for you- it cannot go on this way for years- he also has to learn to adult.
It sucks he's had he life he has had but he has to learn responsibility too!
Best of luck and gentle hugs for you!

I really think you are in a difficult situation. Whether he likes it or not the boy needs boundaries, and sanctions s if he breaks them. Have you a son or other family member who would talk to him with you. He needs to understands his options, either he tries to be more helpful to you or that you feel unable to carry on. I can only tell you about a very difficult grandson of a friend whose Mother has had several unsatisfactory relationships, so lived with his grandparents and was a constant worry, but at 22 he has changed and is being really helpful and supportive to his grandfather who is ill.

Try to be honest and have a open discussion.

Marie what a situation for you.? In your situation I would continue doing your best to give him a home, you are all he has in the world. Poor boy must feel unwanted by his own Mother and will surely have anger issues.Could you sit him down and have a talk with him, start by saying that you love him very much ( maybe nobody ever has) and that you want him to have a home with you, but that you are an older person now and need a little help and understanding from him.See where this takes you?

mariemaille Caught between a rock and a hard place aren't you? Tell your grandson you love him and he will probably reply along the lines of 'Well so you should' or 'It's your fault I was born' or 'Give me money to go out' or 'Stop having a go at me then'.

Are you officially his carer or is it a family arrangement? I feel you should talk to your doctor about the effect it is having on you and your health. Sixteen is a difficult age for social services' intervention and he may well be housed in a hostel and left to get on with it. I believe there are foster carers who take in teenagers with these difficulties in their lives - unfortunately his situation is not unique. Quite possibly he is desperate for someone to show they care about him. Trying to put on a brave face to cover his distress can come across the wrong way when you're only sixteen.

I wish I could say to you 'Do this and everything will be OK' but I can't. Please start with your doctor, tell him everything. Then find your nearest Carers Centre and tell them everything too, either in person or on the phone. You need help in order to help your grandson. I wish you well and the strength to fight for his future (((hugs)))

mariemaille I think you are in a dreadful position having to look after someone you don't feel capable of looking after. The child's mother can't manage him and you want to put child rearing behind you and he is not an easy teen to have. I think you should look into social services to see if they can help. I don't know if he is too old to have foster care. I know nothing about it but can only sympathise.

I can't help wondering if Rox2323 has had much experience of teenage boys. Telling them you love them cuts very little ice at the best of times.
It's a pity you can't get more helpful support from your other children, even to just give you a break for a weekend, I think you need to see if Social Services have anything to offer because there doesn't seem to be much else out there,

mariemaille I am so sorry you are in this situation, there really isn't a quick solution, but you know that of course. You sound exhausted, I wonder if what you need more than anything is a break, a rest from the emotional turmoil of your grandson. Is there any way that could happen? One worry I have for you is that you will make a decision while exhausted that you may regret in the future. Your grandson is a family member and not your sole responsibility, whatever he says you did not cause his birth, again you know that but being confronted constantly by an angry sixteen year old, who I suspect is physically strong is exhausting. I hope he doesn't threaten you physically. For what they are worth my thoughts about a way forward are to speak with your GP about your own health, ask if there is NHS mental health support available for your grandson and if the GP has any thoughts on getting an angry 16 year old to accept intervention, try to get a break and clear your head, speak with Social Services to see if they can suggest anything that is acceptable to you. If there is a Carers Centre locally they may be able to advise if there is support available for people in your sitation. Take care, I hope it all works out for you and whatever the outcome please don't blame yourself, you have done your best, all any of us can do.

Does this amazing overwhelming love we have for our grandchildren, where we feel we would do anything for them, really go out the window once they hit a rocky patch, and become a burden to us? Surely not!

Can't you talk to him? Tell him you love him and you want him to go on living with you, but there has to be some rules. Like not staying out too late because it is unsafe for him, and you worry. And you need your sleep?

Sixtysix isn't old btw.

I have done the decent thing for the last three years but if you are not living with it you cannot possibly imagine what it's like. I do not think that social services would be helpful anyway. I have bought up my four children which was quite an arduous task and now I am having to start again. I am tired and I want some peace– That's all!

No Rox2323 they won't will they? At 16 he is likely to end up in bed and breakfast from where he will drift to the streets and end up God knows where. Only the OP knows whether she can cope with him, but no one else is going to do it. He is a child with attachment issues and, unsurprisingly, mental health issues. There's no easy answer but it's certain that this might be his last chance. How sad.

By all means ask for help from children's services but I wouldn't honestly expect very much from them. What he needs is someone to show some commitment to him, but by the sound of it he's been looking for that for his whole life. I'm not blaming you mariemaille because he's not really your responsibility, but you may be his only hope.

If his college has a pastoral/counselling service, it might be worthwhile contacting them. Find out who is his course tutor and ask to have a word about him.

Yeah. Pass the buck on him yet again. Social services will do a grand job. Won't they?

He is a teenage boy - they can be difficult, particularly with his chequered history. You are a lady of 66 and it is not reasonable that you should be having to deal with this.

Speak to social services.

I hope I would live with it and do everything in my power to get him back on the straight and narrow. Someone has to take responsibility for the poor kid, and you are top of the tree. Forget your "freedom". Do the decent thing by the boy.

Btw, I can't make the ages add up from what you have said, but that is by the by.