Not allowed to see my beloved GS

Grandparents have no rights but they have got the right to apply for permission to ask to see their grandchild
Courts very rarely refuse .
Once permission is gained you apply to the court and parents have to explain why they have refused contact

I have a two year old DGS whom I have seen twice. I saw him as a new born and then at one year. They live a small distance away but I have no car now. DS and DIL both work. Her parents care for DGS. Another baby due in Dec. Don't think I will ever get to see baby. So heart breaking. Even had bereavement counselling. It helped.

You can apply to the court for permission to have contact with your grandson this is very rarely refused because courts recognise the importance of grandparents.your daughter will then have to give her reasons for stopping you from seeing him.try and keep copies of any letters or invitations you have sent keep a diary .
I am sorry about what is happening I am going through similar with mine
It's heart breaking.

Are you still doing the school run for your GS?

All these comments are appreciated and thank you for both the emotional support and practical support. Several questions have been asked ; DGS does not have access to Social Media nor does he have a phone so that sort of contact is not ( yet) an option. His other grandparents live abroad and have little to do with DGS or indeed their son . I get on OK with my grandson's Dad who has a lovely new wife so that is a positive. Have said I will help with an legal bills so maybe a glimmer of hope . I have been thinking about other options too for instance I know quite a few parents from DGS's school as I drop him off and pick him up so much so can speak to some of them. I also know a couple of the teachers. I don't want to put anyone in an awkward situation but I need to consider everything. I had a reply from DD to my last grovelling email but it wasn't very pleasant; in fact my son is not convinced that she wrote it.

Beth I haven't read through the whole thread throughly but I stand by my first post. As the threads develops it appears to put part of the blame on your daughter,perhaps deservedly so. I don't remember what you said your relationship was like before this incident. Is she acting out of character? What I remember about my daughter was that it was completely out of character. What I and others couldn't understand was how after being a loving daughter she suddenly didn't want anything to do with us. How could she have stopped loving us? If this is the case then your daughter is perhaps the victim of domestic abuse. Going to court may very well make things worse. I'm also unsure about writing things down to give your grandchild when he's older. If your daughter is under his influence and as often happens returns to the family fold would you really feel comfortable doing something that could alienate him from his domestically abused mother? My grandchildren are almost grown men and the very very last thing I'd want them to know is how hurt and how much damage was caused. This is your family but not just your family, your daughters family, your grandchilds family you don't want the pain and damage to reverberate down the generations. When I die I want my family reunited in their memory of me particularly my grandchildren. So think carefully before you do anything. Your hurt, your in pain part of you may want to lash out in anger don't. Wait till things settle.

Also, you may want to check out Alienated Grandparents Anonymous. Although they are in the USA, there are branches all over the world, including Scotland and England. Sad.....so many broken hearted grandparents. I'm one. Going through the court process right now. It's taken nine months, and a lot of money too. Keep strong, and believe that you WILL be in touch with your GC in the future. A controlling relationship won't last forever. Your daughter and your beloved grandson will come back to you. ?

Reading through this thread makes me so sad. Beth and all others who are suffering from missing their DGC I have been threatened in a similar way and currently am 'used' by DS's ex partner as instant child care, picking up from school,doctor/dentist appointments etc etc at the drop of a text. I smile and am two faced in my interactions with her but the DGC are happy and are not aware of what is going on (so far). So be it. DS has paid a fortune to 'legalise' his access to them which has worked.(2 months, now.) Why would anyone who claims to love their children put them in this position? It is so cruel and IMO is child abuse. All of us grandparents need to keep strong and hang on in there whatever it takes!!

Beth and ((hugs))
Get advice and support and do work at keeping well.

Oh Beth, how terrible! In April I thought I wouldn't be able to see my two granddaughters again and I was devastated. The things that helped me were counselling, reiki, massages, walks and Bach flower remedies. I think I'm more or less re-Instated now, though my relationship with my daughter is far from robust. I look back with horror on those dark months and my heart goes out to you. Good luck. Look after yourself, please. .

Can't offer any more ideas than others have but my heart truly aches for you , what a tragic situation for you two ,and also for your grandson X

I agree with you Foxie, its the law but in all this there is a father to the child who I take is not the BF, if this is the case where does he stand in alll of this horrible mess? He has a legal right. How do you get on with him? Could you get him to bring the gc to see you or you meet up with them for days out? Even have a weekend together. The other thing is my concerns that the bf is very strict, is this by way of unsuitable punishments? I would do my best to find out how it is affecting your gc, could be that you might have to voice your concerns to someone in authority. If he controlling to your daughter he is probably the same with gc. Sorry to have to say this. On the good side just seen a gran through a similar situation and the mother saw sense!

If you are really concerned that the BF is behaving in an inappropriately controlling way I think you do need to seek professional advice.

HI I cant really add anything new to the ways to deal with this suggestions made by others. But one thing you might want to think about now, ready for the future with your grandson is ....
Set up a Facebook page and use it to write about what you are doing over time, your memories of your grandson, pictures of presents and cards that you might send him in the future, family events etc. Keep it positive and loving and not critical of other adults in his life, but use it to show how much you love him and have been thinking of him .... for all of the time that you are apart, however long that may be. In future years as he grows up there is a good chance he will have an FB page ...you can ask him to be a friend then ...depending on his view of you at that point he may not say yes, but I bet he'll have a look at your page and although he wont see everything he will see photos and such like if the settings are right. This page if you keep it will be so powerful later on in building a relationship with him when he is older if that is the situation in which you find yourself. x

US laws (re: grandparent's rights) may not be similar, but let me start off by saying how sorry I am to learn of your plight. Most recently there has been a growing recognition of grandparent's rights and a surge of cases that have been fought and won. This is definitely worth exploring with the advice of a competent (family law) attorney. You also mention your DGS's Dad. How does he feel about the move? Doesn't he have rights too? If you still have a relationship with him, he could be your best ally. Also, in describing your DD's BF you used words like 'controlling' and too 'strict' with DGS. Depending on the degree and frequency, these behaviors can result in emotional child abuse. All these avenues are worth pursuing, not just in your own interest, but in the best interest of your DGS. I do wish you all the best.

Beth 61, I am so sorry for you in this dreadful situation,I hope you can find where they are moving to, and maybe there could be a reconciliation once they are settled in their new home.
When your Grandchild is old enough, I am sure he will want to contact you in some way.
Thinking of you, and sending a huge hug.

If you're not sure of the letters getting to your grandson, keep them somewhere special so that when relationships are re-established, and they will be, you can show and give them to him to assure him of your constancy.

As well as not seeing your GS you have the hurt of having the DD you gave life to turning against you and amusing the hurt. I can only think that she is being controlled by BF and if that is the case it will eventually come crashing down and you will be there to pick up the pieces. She must have been close to you if she lived with you and you helped raise her son. We need a law to stop families taking advantage of the hold they have over grandparents. That in itself is mental and emotional cruelty and should be stopped.

I'd book an appointment with a family solicitor to find out about contact law. These courts are very child friendly. Then try to find a support group for yourself if that would help. Try to keep in contact with GC's father to keep up to date with the situation. The Claire's law option could be helpful for all of you. I really hope this situation works out well for you. flowers

If you invoke Claire's Law you will be anonymous although DD might guess you invoked it. However, this would only be the case if the police disclosed any history to your DD. I am assuming Claire's Law applies in Scotland. My heart goes out to you in this awful situation. I planned to retire to the coast, DH (new) happy to go wherever I want but I cannot leave my DGC so I understand your agony

If as I understand it, you are still in touch with your grand son's father, who hopefully understands the situation, you will presumable also know his parents (the other set of grand parents) ...how well did you get on with them, and could you share your feelings with them ....they may also want to see the grandson ...and if so, perhaps you could spend time with him at their house ?

I found out where my daughter is now living, and with whom, from the internet ....there is also a child shown in the photos online ...although I have no idea if this is my grandchild or a child of the new partner (D not spoken to me for ten years, so it is possible the child, who looks about 8, could be hers ...just do not know !) ...however, decided it is her life, and if that is how she chooses to be, then there is nothing I can do about it ......it took a long time to make that decision and I admit to still sending her cards on her birthday and at Christmas (since finding her new address after about a year !) .....my step daughter tells me I am stalking her and she could complain to the police ......yes, good, I will then maybe find out why, and be able to put my point of view !

Very sorry to hear of your situation ....I hope it is temporary ...what do you know about the new BF ..he sounds a bit controlling ....I believe there is somewhere now you can check a person's background ?? or you could always hire a private detective to find out their address (I did this once, no animosity involved, to find my husband's brother after their mother died ....quite reasonably priced, and a very quick solution ...they are now in touch again after about 50 years !)

Meandashy, I am in Scotland and this was mentioned in my post a few months ago. My only concern is that DD would find out I did it.

I can't imagine a future without my beloved GS. He and my DD lived with us for the first 6 years of his life and I really co-parented him ( willingly). He is now 10, doing well at school etc but is to be moved to a new town although I am not totally sure where. DGS's Dad phoned my son to say that he was supposed to see DGS today but was told this morning that it was cancelled. He will go to see his lawyer and has promised to keep me informed. He and my son communicate too. Thank you again for all the kind comments which I keep re reading as I am really struggling .

Are you able to contact the police & find out if this man has a domestic violence /control background? Here in Scotland you can. It came about by a family campaigning. Worth a shot. If she doesn't know his truthful background finding something unsavoury may help her see sense.

Beth61, I feel devastated just thinking about your situation. If I were you, I would be unable to resign myself to doing nothing and just coming to terms with this terrible loss. However, clearly you are not in a position take any direct action towards seeing your DGS at the moment. That doesn't mean that you can't privately prepare for the time when you will see him again (and you have to hold on to the belief that this will happen). I would continue to buy him a present for his birthdays, Christmas etc, and I would keep these gifts in a special box. I would also start a little scrap book for him, putting in anything you would want to be sharing with him if you could see him. You could write little messages to stick in, about whatever you might like to be talking to him about or sharing with him; a sort of 'diary'. Photos, newspaper articles, anything else that might interest him could go in here. When you see him again, he will know that he has always been in your heart and your thoughts, no matter what misleading information he might have been given by other people. And when you do see him, obviously, you just focus on the present, and let all the pain from the past fall away. He is your beloved grandson and nobody can take that away from you. Sending you so much love and hugs.