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Son and Daughter in Law don't want my sister to see their new son

(13 Posts)
Rosieonline55 Fri 28-Oct-16 10:09:14

My first grandson was born in June of this year and, from the very start, my son and DIL made every excuse under the sun as to why my sister couldn't see him. Basically, my family are very much "wait until you are invited" whereas her family tend to drop in. Even I feel that I have to ring and ask when I can call and see him. I rang on Thursday evening and my DIL said that Sunday might work!! Their argument seems to be, why does she want to see the baby when they don't have any contact! My sister sent a card and present when the baby was born and has been waiting for them to say when she can see the baby.I feel stuck in the middle and am getting fed up with making excuses, it's ambarrassing. My family are close, and if we need each other were are straight there but, we may go several months without seeing each other but, it doesn't mean we don't care for each other. Am I over reacting? I don't understand why they are so anti, what has she done wrong?

DaphneBroon Fri 28-Oct-16 10:14:40

Surely this is between them?
We cannot know what their motivations are but as adults I would leave it to them and not get involved.
Why are you letting yourself get stuck in the middle? It is an uncomfortable place to be as you risk flak from both sides!

DAncer66 Fri 28-Oct-16 13:18:12


I think it’s a modern thing. Families don’t stick that close anymore. Many young people in my experience want to go off and get on with their own lives. The younger generation just seem to be a lot more independent that we were.

Also new mums are pretty protective. Maybe when the baby gets a little older and mums looking for a babysitter, you and you sister can be there.

Wish I had more to offer but I’m afraid it just seems to be the way it is these days.

GillT57 Fri 28-Oct-16 13:36:01

well, I think you are completely right in being confused about this situation. Your son and DiL were glad enough to receive the gift from your sister I assume, so it is not unreasonable to allow a quick visit. Why not take her with you when you visit? Just explain to your son and DiL that great auntie would like to see their son and that it will just be a quick visit.

Luckygirl Fri 28-Oct-16 13:54:44

Refuse to be the piggy in the middle - they need to communicate directly.

Christinefrance Fri 28-Oct-16 13:57:52

It's very early days for the new parents so give it some time. I agree they accepted the gift and it would be nice for your sister to have a reciprocal visit. Perhaps they don't realise how she feels. Don't take sides over this as it may become a bigger issue than necessary.

Luckygirl Fri 28-Oct-16 13:58:00

For goodness sake don't take her with you when you visit! - they will be asking you not to visit if you do.

" Even I feel that I have to ring and ask when I can call and see him. I rang on Thursday evening and my DIL said that Sunday might work!! " I would never dream of visiting my DC out of the blue - they have busy lives. I always ring first - it is only good manners. And I would be perfectly happy if they suggested a few days away.

Ana Fri 28-Oct-16 14:00:42

Yes, don't take your sister with you - that would be asking for trouble and you'd probably be frozen out yourself!

We can't force people to behave as we'd like them to and your sister will have to make the approach to the couple herself, or wait until the baby's a bit older. Give them a chance to get into a proper routine and start to feel more secure.

cornishclio Fri 28-Oct-16 14:02:32

I can't see why they particularly have an issue. The irony is that the reason they don't want your sister to visit is because they don't have regular contact yet your sister is reaching out to them for just that. A bit rude especially if she gave them a gift when the baby born. I am certainly glad my daughter was not as precious when her baby was born as your dil seems to be. Some mums are very protective though. She may relax a bit as he gets older

I feel for you though as you obviously are between a rock and a hard place. Can you give her your sons mobile number/email address and suggest she text him to arrange a convenient time to visit? Then he has to say no directly to her which is harder for him and it takes the onus off her. Alternatively ask if you can bring her over when you visit as presumably they are a bit more accommodating with you. Or invite them over to yours and have her there too.

Anya Fri 28-Oct-16 14:58:06

How very odd of them and difficult for you.

Try not to take sides though.

ninathenana Fri 28-Oct-16 15:17:02

I too find the whole situation strange.
Our family have always had open house. My brother never rings first just knocks, calls out "it's only me" and walks straight in which is how it was with us and mum. I know all families are different.
Does your son ever bring the baby to your house ? Rather than take your sister with you to your son's could she be at yours when he is due to visit you maybe.

Ana Fri 28-Oct-16 15:27:42

But families are different, aren't they? Just because all the members of yours are easy-going andare in and out of each others' houses doesn't mean it's wrong not to want that!

I do think this couple has a right to make their own rules and maybe they'll relax them when the baby's a bit older. Just be happy for them, Rosieonline55 and enjoy the chance to see your new grandson.

Ana Fri 28-Oct-16 15:29:25

Plus, of course, DILs can be very tricky!