Should I start being less nice to my grandson?

Neither. Just accept and understand why they might feel like that. It doesn't have to be either mum only or gran only. It can only be to the child's benefit that they have a loving family.

I hope no working mothers are reading your comments - I too was a working mother but if someone had told me that my children would (and should) prefer the care of someone else as a result of me trying to put a roof over their head, I would have been horrified. I don't think anyone is suggesting that this generation are the first to work outside the home however I do not susbscribe to the notion that everyone has it easy these days. Everyone has (and had). challenges to bear. What do you suggest a mother does in this situation? Hand over her child to the grandparent? Leave her job?

Chloret1. No I'm not trying to provoke a reaction. I really do think that modern mums seem to think they are the first generation who had to work outside the home.
However, I feel much more strongly that a 4 year old should be listened to and believed and not written off as 'being manipulative'. His reaction is completely understandable however it may appear uncomfortable for his mum to hear.
I see very small children rooted out of bed half asleep and bundled off to Grans at crack of dawn then picked up much later by a tired mum who still has the housework to do, a meal to prepare and the kids to get off to bed. How much leeway for relaxed fun and hugs will there be? Its absolutely understandable that a 4 year old might want the comfort, security and pace of life to be found at grans house.
I was that working mum. I know what I'm talking about and I could easily see the children's point of view.

Last week I called my daughter to say that we will take her sons, aged 4 and 7, on holiday with us the week before Easter and then keep them at home for a further week while she and her husband go away together. She asked the boys about it and I heard loud cheers, which quickly turned to jeers when my daughter suggested that she might come on holiday with us too! Fortunately she took it in good part; her response to me was, 'Just a minute mummy while I take the knife out of my back'!!

Jane10 - you seem intent upon criticising what you define as modern mothers. Perhaps it is merely to gain a reaction, in which case you have succeeded. I think your posts are quite unfair. Fortunately many others on this thread are far more sensible.

I wouldn't take it seriously. My son used to say he wanted to live with his play group leader, as he "didn't like our kind of family". She assured him that if he lived with her, he wouldn't like theirs either.
Of course, if he leaves your house kicking and screaming, not wanting to go home, then it is upsetting all round. In that case, a family conversation is called for.
(sorry, Suema, that I've left my post late. Have only just noticed it.)

How about believing the little boy? Its sad for his mother that he wants to stay with Gran but its understandable however unpleasant it would be for Mum to hear. I love the innocence of our DGSs. They just say what they feel when they feel it. It will be sad when they learn to hide feelings and try to be cool. I absolutely disagree with the posts about these small children being manipulative. When they are older maybe but not in a 4 year old unless people are reading something that isn't there. Puts on tin hat and retires.

Our 13 year old GD still says it. I've helped to look after since she was a tiny premature dolly dot. She says we are more fun than her parents. Doesn't mean to say she doesn't love mum and dad to bits though..

Unless you are deliberately playing him off against his parents (and it can be hard to zip the lip when a little grandson might be told off by his parents -I do think we are more tolerant than we were perhaps 30 years ago! ) otherwise I cannot believe this is a serious question
You could always seek inspiration from Lewis Carroll's Alice
`Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.'

As others have said here it is normal for a child to try and play one adult off against another. Best not to take it to heart and distract him. He doesn't really mean it you know. He probably wanted to know what you would say. Fascinating to watch how they develop and follow the same path isn't it. I would have had a house full of children but I have 3 healthy Sons so I mustn't grumble. I find now that I am not working I have much more time to spend with my Grandchildren. 4 boys and one girl but all different in their own way, all following the same development path just as your little Grandson is. Try to laugh it off and change the subject.

My Grandson said this to us when he was 4yrs old. We explained to him that although we loved him to bits and he would always be welcome in our house, he was our Grandson not our son (wish he was our son!) He belonged to Mummy and Daddy and they were in charge. He seemed to accept that. We still got our share of cuddles and kisses, not so much now he is going on for 17yrs old. He has had a very happy childhood and lots of love so he is very lucky. One thing he would have liked even more was siblings but it was not to be, they could not afford more children. He says what he has never had he will never miss, and he has grown up to be a very responsible and sensible young man with both male and female friends, but he wants to go to Uni so no romance until that stepping stone is reached.

Modern Mums seem to think having to work is a new thing. God knows how we managed to work and have families and run houses without any state funded child care - but we did!

More worrying when they get to 7 and say they are going to live with their real dad, because that's an idea you know hasn't come from therm!

Jack - I agree .... Attachment parenting must be pretty difficult in this day and age! With so many mothers working full time and, therefore, a huge amount of grandparents doing a huge amount of childcare ..... It may make sense to practice the very opposite

New working mums take it all soooo seriously! Perhaps I've just forgotten! But I had the luxury of being a stay at home mum
Though at the time I felt like I was chained to the house with the naughtiest pair of twins running me ragged. Happy Days ??

I confess the original post left me open mouthed in amazement at such a ridiculous idea of being less nice to a child .....

Thanks for trying to explain attachment parenting ..... I shall ask my DIL who has a new little bubba ?

My grandchildren say it everytime they have an argument with their parents! Children of that age will always say something like that, and mine are 6 to 14!

Feeling relieved as I'd been worrying about my grandaughter asking if I could be her real mummy and saying she wants to stay with me and not go home. Pleased that it's a normal phase. Thanks.

My DGD. Is just the same. I look after her when her parents are at work, and she anxiously looks out of the window and asks if it's 'Mummy time' yet.
As soon as DD tries to take her home, it's "Waaaahhhhhh ! Wanna sleep over with Nanna!" They are all little monkeys at this age, and experts at manipulation, bless 'em!

Our 4 yr old gd always says to her mum,I want my Nan .If I'm there she wants her Nana Pat.when she is at ours she'll say I want my mummy.Whoever isn't there at that time.
My oldest gs would cry when we left as a toddler but has grown out of it.My dd found it upsetting until I reminded her that when she was at her nansshed hide her shoes so she didn't have to come home with me!
Thankfully she outgrew that phase!

You're taking typical, shallow childish nonsense far too seriously.
Just laugh it off and carry on as normal. p.s. Can't believe anyone would contemplate being "less nice" in response to this. Just how would this manifest itself? The mind boggles...

Teddy123 I am so glad you asked the question about "attachment parenting". I would love to give you a precise answer but it is a fairly new conundrum in our ever-confusing lexicon and I am still trying to work out what it means.

Our daughter, who has two teenage children and a 7 month old baby, now talks constantly about "attachment". This certainly didn't happen when the other children were babies.

Of course we instinctively "attach" to our babies, so perhaps it's just a word coined to give Mums something else to worry about.

As for being too close to the grandchildren or loving them too much, forget it. You can never love too much. And always be kind, because that's what grandparents are for.

My neighbour/friend's son left home at 3 to come & live with me- 4 doors down!
He packed his case & stormed out to move in with us- I had been pre- warned with a phone call to expect him.
When he unpacked his case it had his swimming trucks & a teddy in it.
He stayed & played with my sons (his best friends) all afternoon & when Mummy came round later for a cup of coffee he happily went home with her. When she told him off he was always saying he wanted to live with me as I never told him off. Probably as he was always as good as gold here as he had is mates to play with.
I reminded him about all this when he was about 12!!
They all go through it. Ignore it.

I look after my twin grandchildren whilst my daughter is at work - they often call me Mummy and say that they want to stay here - quite normal I think from responses above. I cannot believe that you have to ask this question!!! That you would actually think of not being so nice to your grandson is incomprehensible to me.

Lol! Grandma's house is always more fun! Glad to hear your grandkids are so happy and settled with you - that's a massive weight off your daughter's shoulders. Just looking after my grandson while my daughter works too. He is very happy and settled too. No worries.

Oh no! It has indeed all been said - they are experts at finding the right 'button' to push from a very early age. You surely don't want to alienate him - what would that achieve as you look after him during the week? What would happen if he then refused to come to you and started saying he didn't like you?

Suema ... how lovely that you have such a good relationship with your grandchildren and what great memories you are building with them. I regularly have my grandchildren to stay and one in particular stays overnight, all the next day and another day in the week. We have a great time - and she often doesn't want to go home but when I take her home she goes in happily and loves seeing her mummy daddy and brother. Do not try and change your relationship with your grandchildren - in no time they will go to school and grow up but will have wonderful memories of you.