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Should I start being less nice to my grandson?

(64 Posts)
Suema Fri 11-Nov-16 21:35:56

We look after our 4 year old grandson and his 2 year old brother 2 days a week and really enjoy our time together. I suppose I do spoil him a little bit but would not break my daughter's rules about TV, snacks etc.
He has started saying that he doesn't want mummy but would rather live with us. We all know it is normal 4 year old rebellion and that we are lucky that we can give him full attention when he is with us, not having to go to work or do chores like his mum. However, she feels very hurt when he says it - she is a brilliant, caring mum who practices attachment parenting and loves them to bits. Should I start being less nice to him to even things up a bit???

Ana Fri 11-Nov-16 21:45:30

Don't be silly! And say the same to your GS when he says he'd rather live with you. I can't believe you're actually serious...

Anya Fri 11-Nov-16 21:48:57

No! They all go through that stage. I once delivered my 5-year old GS to his own house, kicking and screaming 'I want to stay with Nsna, it's more fun at her house!'

Luckily DD remembered running away to her grandma's house (wth her dog) aged 14 so she wasn't fazed. A couple of weeks later he was saying he didn't want to go my my house because I was too grumpy.

Just carry on and ignore it all.

tanith Fri 11-Nov-16 21:55:18

My 11yr old granddaughter often says the same thing when she is in trouble at home. Just ignore it they all say it at one time or another.

Deedaa Fri 11-Nov-16 22:01:36

He's realised he's getting a reaction from you and your daughter and is obviously enjoying the effect. In a couple of weeks he'll probably find something else to wind you up with.

nanaK54 Fri 11-Nov-16 22:08:36

Exactly don't let this build up into a big issue, that is what he is looking for

merlotgran Fri 11-Nov-16 22:14:16

Don't be ridiculous. My DGCs are teenagers now but I still have a fridge magnet that says, 'Right, THAT'S IT! I'm going to live with Grandma'

Just be glad he likes being with you and treat it all as a joke.

morethan2 Fri 11-Nov-16 22:24:44

My middle grandson did this all the time, if the phone rang he'd run and pick it up and say "I'm not coming home" he used to tell me "Nanna I love you more than anyone in whole world, more than mummmy and daddy" I used to ignore him. I realised it was mostly flattery he knew which side his bread was buttered. I know that it bothered his parents a bit but they were confident it was just because he got undivided attention with us. He's 15 and a proper charmer and hasn't turned into a Nanna's boy. Real proper stroppy much loved and adored teenager.

Shanma Sat 12-Nov-16 00:07:34

Good Grief, just carry on as normal, you and your Daughter are old enough to rise above this, all kids go through this phase. Sometimes my dgd tells her Parents that I am her best friend, but then again sometimes my Dog is her best frend, she blows with the wind, as do they all grin

rubylady Sat 12-Nov-16 06:31:43

Leave him as he is. My ED packed up all her wordly goods on her wicker chair and left home at 4 years old to go to a neighbours house, knocked on the door and said she had come to live with them. They told her they were having their tea so she had to come back home. The look on her face was a picture. grin

She also had McDonald's orange juice around the same age. Came out of McD's with her balloon, gave it her dad to hold and he accidentally let it go. She stormed off in front of us, shouting that she was going to chop our heads off and stuff them with cotton wool! We thought it was really funny, but no more orange juice! grin

rubylady Sat 12-Nov-16 06:32:17

I wonder why she doesn't speak to me now? confused

Jane10 Sat 12-Nov-16 06:44:03

I really did want to go and live with my Gran and Grandad! (I still secretly do.)
They were so kind and patient and I just loved being with them. It was a lovely time in my life and I'll always be grateful to them. You have the chance to offer your DGCs this too. I know we try to do this for our DGSs.

kittylester Sat 12-Nov-16 07:05:33

Dgd3 told DH that he is the best of all her daddies AND fluttered her eyelashes. it's what they do.

Maggiemaybe Sat 12-Nov-16 07:31:25

Goodness me. He's playing you like a violin! My DGS has said similar. The next day he'll say he wants his other grandma and grandad to look after him, not us. And look at us for a reaction - which he doesn't get smile Ten minutes later we're the bee's knees again. Then mum comes home and he can't wait for us to go. Then of course dad arrives and he's the one he loves best....

Flossieturner Sat 12-Nov-16 07:59:01

No don't be less nice, why break the wonderful bond you have? My Dd when she was 3 wanted to live with my neighbour who was the father of 3 boys. When we asked why she said or was because he was teaching her to arm-wrestle.

cornergran Sat 12-Nov-16 08:27:06

One of ours has this type of behaviour down to an art form. It can be upsetting but will pass all the sooner for a bit of healthy planned ignoring. Its normal.

Mumsy Sat 12-Nov-16 08:50:46

Bit harsh!! You cant be serious! is this a wind up! why traumatise a small child like that!

trisher Sat 12-Nov-16 11:41:25

Just ignore him as most have said. If he is by any chance not just being manipulative or if you want just to say something nice you can always tell him he can stay a night at your house from time to time.

br0adwater Sat 12-Nov-16 11:50:22

I agree with all the above but would add, praise your GSs mum to him. I am in the same position and I often say things to DGS about his mummy being kind, pretty, funny, clever, a good cook etc. I do it when she is present too.

Luckygirl Sat 12-Nov-16 11:57:13

Be "less nice" to him because of a bit of childish silliness?! You are overthinking this. Don't be daft - just laugh it off. You are the grown up here.

Elegran Sat 12-Nov-16 12:04:38

If he says it again, reply, "That is what you think today because you have had a nice time, tomorrow you would rather live with Mummy. You have a nice time there too."

Jane10 Sat 12-Nov-16 12:09:50

But sadly, maybe he doesn't. Life with a stressed full time working mum may not be terrific. Perhaps the life at Grans house is less rushed and gives a better sense of comfort and security. I mean no disrespect to the mum. Its yet another price to pay for full time work.

Grannyben Sat 12-Nov-16 22:04:54

I have a very close bond with my 2 year old grandson. I look after him whilst his mum works 2 days a week and, if they are consecutive days, he sleeps over. On a number of occasions he had called me mummy. He doesn't realise what he has said so I just reply "Mummy is at work". If I told my daughter I think she would feel hurt as she is a wonderful, caring mother. I would suggest ignoring what your grandson had said, mention nothing to his mother and, carry on as normal

Leticia Sat 12-Nov-16 22:14:41

It is a perfectly normal thing that children say- ignore or make a jokey reply.

PamelaJ1 Sun 13-Nov-16 08:03:07

Well, it's all been said.
We had ourGS on Friday for a sleepover. He arrived at 3.45, we were expecting him at about 6, but apparently he'd stood by the front door as soon as he got home from school waiting to come to us!
On Saturday he was desperate to go home because they were doing something exciting so off he went without a backward glance.