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Grandparenting

Overwhelmed by grandchildren

(13 Posts)
Caramac Sat 12-Nov-16 17:41:02

Long story short. When the DGC (3 of, 1 from DD1 and 2 from DD2) are all round at the same time their behaviour is awful. They don't listen to anyone and I feel like Bad Granny as I have to put sanctions into place
I am, for the first time ever, dreading Christmas Day as it will just be expense and hard work. I suspect I will spend much of the day in the kitchen with the dogs and several glasses of wine. I've even said they can't all come on the same day due to behaviour but all they do then is cry. They are young 6 and 5 and as cousins spend lots of time together (3 year old only copies but even that contributes to the mayhem). Apart they give me so much joy but together their behaviour has me at my wits end. Unfortunately their care needs mean I frequently have them all together and also when my DDs visit at the same time - and actually that is when the noise and ignoring is at its worst.
I am overwhelmed and in tears after a few hours of it today even though I have played games to entertain them.

tanith Sat 12-Nov-16 17:48:37

Tell your daughters that you can't cope with them all at once, although why the parents aren't keeping them in control goodness only knows. Until they learn to behave at Grandma's then they can't all be together at your house let them cry or learn to behave.

Synonymous Sat 12-Nov-16 17:56:19

Your house - your rules! If they cannot behave well then they cannot come.
Down tools and go on strike Caramac and that includes telling your not so dear daughters to get a grip and sort their children out. I would not put up with it at all. shock

Synonymous Sat 12-Nov-16 17:58:40

PS Do you have OH and if so what is his take on it all?

ninathenana Sat 12-Nov-16 18:03:52

Definitely talk to your daughters and tell them calmly that it's their responsibility to control their children. I would not want to have 5 at once. I sigh with relief sometimes when my two go home and they are simply noisy like any 4 and 7 yolds I think your daughters are asking too much.

glammanana Sat 12-Nov-16 18:10:53

Please tell us where your DDs are whilst all this mayhem is underway are they oblivious to the fact their children so behaving so badly,my DD would be mortified if she had to tell my DGCs to behave in anyones house let alone mine,and as Synonymous says your house your rules.Why are your DDs not inviting you to do their homes for Christmas dinner and them waiting on you for a change I think you need a short quick word with your girls pronto.

suzied Sat 12-Nov-16 18:12:24

They're obviously hyped up and over excited when they get together as they're OK when apart. I agree, talk to your daughters and see if you can come up with some solutions. Talk to the kids, divert them with constructive activities, get them outside to let off steam etc , but this should be tackled together.

Christinefrance Sat 12-Nov-16 18:19:27

It's your Christmas celebration too, not a time to worry, talk to your family and get them to help with lunch and be firm about behaviour expected in your home. Have the chat well before the day so everyone has time to think about it. Share the cooking, child care and washing up, sometimes we take on these roles and others let us continue without realising things have to change. Time to shake things up a little.

BlueBelle Sat 12-Nov-16 18:22:42

But are they behaving badly? or just running around being excited and noisy I used to love it when the cousins all got together and played hide and seek all over the house yes making a mess and a noise but it's only a day now they are all grumpy teenagers who just have their heads in their screens, that stage lasts such a little while Can you sit them down on cushions to watch a video I d be happy to have them there so many folks on here don't get to see their grandkids, you are so privileged
Enjoy it there's only three of them and it's only on occasions and you do have the wine
Bit unclear whether it's three or five children ?

J52 Sat 12-Nov-16 18:27:49

See them all on Christmas morning, preferably at one DDs house. Then go and enjoy a peaceful time at your own home. Have them round for Boxing Day when they have calmed down and you can provide a cold lunch.

Works for us! grin

trisher Sat 12-Nov-16 18:30:17

I've only done Christmas twice since my DIL came into our family. She is wonderful and hosts it for her family and mine. I provide the puddings and chocolates. We share the cost of the turkey and her family provide the wine. It's great because I see my DGCs who are delighted to show me their new toys and very busy playing with them. I suggest you tell your DDs that you want to have Christmas at theirs and that they alternate it. You can share the jobs and costs, but the great thing about going to their house is you can say goodbye and leave when you have had enough. There is a lot of criticism about DILs on GN but in this case I think your DDs are being the selfish ones.

Cherrytree59 Sat 12-Nov-16 18:43:34

Caramac I understand your frustration.
In the summer they (GC) can run off all their pent up energy.
But difficult in winter.
Added to that you have the Christmas excitement.
Over the past 30+ yrs I have hosted virtually all our Family christmas dinners.
Which have Included some less than well behaved adults!
3 yrs ago after christmas dinner I announced that I would no longer be 'doing' christmas dinner.
One of the reasons was that my DF & MiL were no longer able to attend
Which meant that not only were we cooking a family meal but we also had to visit respective parents with a cooked christmas dinner for each of them.
The following year I stuck to my guns
However last year DD asked if she and two young GS could stay with us over christmas as her partner was working away.
So back to a manic exhausting christmas.
This year we will be visiting DD to see my 2 DGS open presents then over to MIL with her Christmas dinner.
Then back home feet up.
caramac if you can't cancel this years Christmas meal perhaps you could have a christmas buffet with everybody bringing something.
Children usually want to play with their new toys and not be sitting at the table.
You would then have time to go for a family christmas walk and let the DC have a run around.
We always stayed at home when our DC were young, so that they could play with their new toys in peace.
That is probably how our hosting the family Christmas dinner began.

Cherrytree59 Sat 12-Nov-16 18:46:27

Oops DGC run around !