I need a few suggestions please

Oh dear Imnow68. Lighten up. I thought we're all here to offer support to each other. Oldgoose - You have a great family and a good relationship with your DD. thats worth so much more than a few pounds but when funds are limited every penny has to count, I understand your conflict. But for me it's family first within my means. I hope you come to a Happy conclusion.

Take no notice lots of forums have people who insult others, par for the course I'm afraid. Can't imagine anyone paying them for anything lol. Chin up and listen to sensible comments only, don't bite by joining in sad juvenile posts. Hope you get sorted, maybe a gentle word about petrol but no pressure... we can't all be well off and proud. ?

As it was agreed that she would pay for petrol at the beginning you are right to feel miffed. If you did not do as you were doing she would not be able to work. As you say, you have an excellent relationship so she should not be upset if you ask. Living on a pension is difficult enough without the added cost of the petrol. You have to talk to her about this...she will understand I am sure.

Perhaps I'm the only one who thinks kids regularly seem to expect their parents to look after their kids these days. I don't have grandchildren yet but have many friends who do and it seems to be expected that you will organise your life round them. Why should you? You've brought them up and now have the chance to do what YOU want for a change so why should you be expected to bring up the grandchildren as well? You are saving them the cost of afterschool childcare so why is it unreasonable to ask for a contribution to your own costs? You could try "do you remember ... how about a compromise of a tank of petrol occasionally". If your relationship is as good as you say, your daughter will not be upset.

I haven't read all the posts either, but wouldn't dream of taking petrol money for looking after my grandchildren - and I'm not well off. However I consider it a pleasure and a privilege to be part of their lives, it doesn't last forever they grow up and away all too soon.

Tricky. Look at it this way, though. Your daughter is unable to work without help from others picking up the childcaring duties. Without you, she'd have to pay a childminder or lose out on the opportunity to work. It's not just petrol money in my view-it's the value of your contribution. Two hours a day is a significant commitment. It should mean so much, but appears to mean very little to her; honestly, if my mother had offered to mind my dd for just one hour, I'd bite her hand off!

You know your daughter best. I'm sure you can reach a satisfactory compromise, but please don't undersell yourself.

Sorry, haven't read through the whole pages, but why not ask her (when you know she is off to the shops) to buy you a little something or other from the supermarket, then say "oh I haven't much cash on me, I know, take it out of that petrol money you owe me!"

Some gps do an incredible amount of childcare on a daily basis & I think it is easy for off-spring to start taking them for granted & GPs too easily give up their own lives & may begin to feel resentful if their needs are not at least acknowledged. I only do a once a week after school care now withoccasional chikd-sitting or holidays with us & have never expected money. As well as agood relationship with GC, I have benefits such as a free London pad occasionally. However, I always did my day care on condition that my DD would work out a back-up in case of my illness, holidays (though bear them in mind when booking) or if I had to 'rescue' DS abroad or my elderly mother. It meant she had to develop the kind of local, mutual relationships which can be called on for emergency help, which is never a bad thing for their independence & local connections. It's the only way I could operate with my own 3 kids, work & no help from any parents. The least effort option for DD is to assume we shall always be there. A 2 hr each way train journey & fare of £20 plus is a lot for a couple of hours babysitting too often.

While I agree that grandparents mostly try to help out when necessary and may do so on a regular basis the OP is doing this a 5 days a week basis. This must intrude into her own life just as a job for 2 hours every afternoon would . If money is tight then surely even a small sum of £40 a month would help and also make the OP feel more appreciated.

This thread has certainly made me think about how much help with childcare, mainly in the school holidays, they gave me. But when they were old I was able to pay them back by looking after them and my Mum lived with me for the last 11 years of her life. So OP if some money would help just talk to your daughter and say that you would appreciate having the petrol money she promised. No beating around the bush. We must remember we all have different financial circumstances before being critical.

Oldgoose, do come back to us, please. I expect you feel a little taken for granted and it is not so much the expenditure as the commitment you have taken on which is not being acknowledged. It must be exhausting to do what you do for your grandchildren every school day.
Living on a tight income in retirement must be a worry if expenditure exceeds income and you have to start eating into your savings. You are close to your daughter. I think you should bring the subject up rather than let the resentment fester.
Now please let us know you are OK.

Be straight with DD and say how tight money is maybe even ask to borrow petrol money and see If that gives her a wake up call

Having re-read the OP oldgoose says:
She would have a bit of income of her own

which I take to mean that the household income is sufficient without her DD needing to work but, of course, any extra money is always welcome.
So perhaps something along the lines of 'it costs £? amount to fill up the car these days, it's surprising how much petrol I use just ferrying the DGC around' might jog her memory.

Philly I would never want to be paid for looking after my grandchildren but as I live alone and only have my pension, I certainly couldn't afford to use my car for lots of journeys, and my children wouldn't expect it of me.
We aren't all rich pensioners.

No, philly she doesn't want to be paid for looking after grandchildren, she just wants to be able to afford to fill up her car with petrol when it has all been used up ferrying them around - which her daughter suggested when the arrangement started. Don't you read a thread before you put the boot in?

I just wanted to say, hasn't this turned into an interesting thread. I do hope old goose has seen the support she has received and, how there is clearly no "one size fits all " answer. everyone's different circumstances mean that people would all deal with the situation differently

Philly, you need to find a more tactful way of expressing an opposing view. I think OldGoose has already left this thread due to a previous contributor's unnecessarily harsh words so luckily she's not reeling, as I would be, to read "I'm speechless, get a grip etc"
She wasn't suggesting being paid for childcaring duties, just (partly) reimbursed. Many responders have supported that notion.
Anyway, as I say, she seems to have gone now so we're all just talking to ourselves.

I am speechless-fancy wanting to be paid for looking after grandchildren you need to get a grip.

"I haven't been given or offered any money" seems to be the problem.

"My daughter said at the start that she would give me a little petrol money" "having retired any little money helps".

In my opinion you do have the right to feel a little miffed. You are not being mercenary in my opinion.

You could perhaps ask in a nice way how her job is going and refer back to the arrangement that was originally suggested by her. You could vaguely mention you are finding things expensive and things you'd like but wish you could afford - new shoes? new hairdo ? MOT? something that needs doing on the car ?

SeventhHeaven no, there are NOT a lot of crotchety old grumps on Gransnet. There are a few crotchety grumps, who may be any age at all, not ncessarily old, because no-one is asked for a birth certificate when they join.

Oldgoose.
Can you afford to do what you are doing for your daughter without causing yourself financial hardship or going without something you would like to do if you had the money.If the answer is yes then think well the children won't always want gran to take them to school kids have grown up before you know it.Then they can drive you around.
I would love to be able to do what you are doing but a long haul flight does not give me an option.

Gaggi why should sons and daughters fall out. Have you tried to live on the state pension? Every penny counts. Often children may struggle a bit they are earning far more than a pensioner!

Things have changed a lot though VIOLETTE. My DGC cannot get into a school anywhere near where they live. They have no choice but to be transported backwards and forwards (or else get several buses).

Difficult problem ! Do friends of your daughter not have a 'school run' > When I worked full time, my husband having gone off with someone else ! and I went back to work full time, the arrangement was that I would pick up three other children (making four in all including my D) in the mornings, and the other mums would collect in the evenings, my D would then go to activities such as swimming, skating, or just hanging out with one or more of the friends on week day nights until I left work and collected her, She was only 6 at that tume ,,,,so I looked after some of the friends during my holidays from work, or weekends having the little ones over for a sleep over so their parents got a break, This worked extremely well and no money exchanged hands (apart from the cost of the swimming lessons and the skating once a week). What DID somewhat upset me was my sister in law, who was married to (I kid you not !) a very wealthy actuary, offered to take my D to \Portugal to their house on holiday.......and asked me to pay to have D put on sil's passport, for the hotel at Gatwick prior to the flight, the actual costs of the holiday (to their own house !) and food ......of course I paid as I really wanted my D to have a lovely holiday in the sun that I couldn't afford, and she did love that Auntie .......but given my circumstances as a single parent, and her circumstances (housewife, no work, lots of money ..big house in nSurrey, cleaner, etc etc ( I was somewhat miffed at the cost ,,,of course I would have paid towards it, but was amazed at the bill I was presented with )

Grandparents looked after her for three weeks of summer hols, I had one weeks hol with her, then she went to YMCA summer playgroup for the rest of the time ! GPs had a caravan in Devon, so she had some really lovely holidays - I just wished I could have afforded to take her somewhere nice other than days out !

So ...after all that rant, I also worked part time when we moved house to an area I could afford to buy outright, 150 miles away from the GPs and friends, in a school for special needs children who were provided with either a escorted bus door to door, or taxis ....does your local authority not provide this for your special needs GD ? or even a school bus service if the schools for the others are far enough away ? (of course, your D would have to pay for this !) ...and what happens if you are ill or not able to drive ?

Whilst I would say, if you can afford to, and enjoy the grandchildrenm then I would say nothing ....you could ask about other mum's and the school run, or event the 'walking bus' if it is not too far ? You could also ask what would happen if you were ill .....

I hope you reach an amicable solution ...and ignore those horrible remarks someone '68' or some such name, made on here ....always avoid loud or aggressive persons, for they are vexacious to the soul !

(Flowers) !

Gaggi3 you're probably right.

I think it very sad when families fall out over money, and should be avoided at all costs(!).