I need a few suggestions please

I think it's sad a lot of grandparents think if they ask for money for caring for their grandchildren they won't see them.

Why is that?

I think she should give you something, I do the same for my daughter, and she gives me something every week. Childcare would cost her a lot more,we help each other out. Just because you have retired, doesnt mean you have to spend your days babysitting.

Grannypiper.

We live a distance from daughter and I do more for the son and his children who live 15 mins awway. I feel guilty I don't do more-can't face the M6 most of the time, so I pay up.
I know it's pathetic but I can't help it. But I know you are right.

I do housework one morning a week for my daughter. She has a family and works full time. I never worked when my children were young and I just don't know how young families cope these days. Life is so stressful for them. I'm happy to help them.

beammeupscottie i agree with your husband . £4620 is way too much and your DD should be ashamed of herself for taking the mick, crikey my DD had a emergency c section, a very early and very poorly baby with a tumor now works 3 jobs has 2 children AND does her own housework.Did your mum pay for someone to do your housework or do you pay for someone to do yours ?

Interesting to see that Im68Now has been deleted from other threads today!! Oldgoose - best to just accept that your daughter is hugely grateful but maybe cannot afford to pay you?

gillybob I dont understand separate finances either, my borther and sister in law have been married for 26 years and when i was visiting the other day she snapped at him about using her electricity !

What a lot of crotchety old grumps there are on Gransnet. No need for half the judgy remarks people post. Surely the point of a grans' forum is to run things past other grans to get a clearer take on something. In this case, whilst I wouldn't ask for petrol either, it would be no bad thing to do so, for someone on a pension, as cars don't run on fresh air.

This is a difficult one! I look after DGD when her parents are at work, and I wouldn't dream of asking for money, although I'm on a very low income. Nonetheless, a regular amount pops into my bank account monthly, which is much appreciated! My daughter said shut up and take it, or you won't get to babysit! She and her partner are quite well to do, so I don't feel I'm depriving them.
I do realise that I am extremely lucky to have a generous daughter, and I hasten to add that I use most of the spare cash for treats and outings for the little one, and naturally I have a great time too.

If you need petrol money, ask because it probably does nt occur to your daughter. If you don't need it, treat it as a gift and your contribution to the family life. I would love to have my grandkids closer and luckily I could afford not to ask.
I'm guessing it's only because she hasn't offered petrol money recently that you feel a bit taken for granted, I think it " comes with the job of being a parent/ grandparent".
You aren't asking for payment of your time, just a fill up of petrol now and then, so don't feel bad. Only you know your financial circumstances.

When my DD and DS where young my mother would only mind them when I was at work if I paid her. Because I worked part time and my husband worked shifts this was sometimes as little as one morning a week, but I still had to pay her. I've never really forgiven her for that. I wouldn't endanger the great relationship you have with your daughter over a few pounds. If you are like me you get far more from your daughter than money could buy.

Couldn't agree more Valerie1949

I don't have a lot to give (financially) but try to make up for that in giving my time both to my DGC (who take up the lions share) and to the rest of the family too.

I am hopeless at either saying what I really mean or asking for what I really want --and even more hopeless at saying the "NO" word janeainsworth

I agree that it is probably far better to be direct if you can be (saves any confusion).

Didn't mean to post that so many times! Forgive please.

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

If you're out of pocket, you should ask. What I do when I have to ask an awkward question is ask it to one of the grandchildren within mum and dad's earshot.
So in your case I would say:

"I need some petrol in my car, so I'd better get some. Mummy said she would help with that, but she hasn't said anything. I expect she is soooooooooooooo busy she's forgotten."

Who would look after the children if you didn't?? She can only do what she wants because you are looking after her children! Soz, makes me cross.

Good luck!

Jackie

But what if petrol money had been specifically promised to you, and you really needed it? Would you turn off the heating and eat bread and marge so as to fill your petrol tank for the trip, without reminding your daughter of her promise?