I need a few suggestions please

I think it depends on the costs involved and the financial position of both parties

I drive 20 miles there and 20 miles back once a week to collect 2 dgc from school, give them tea, drive them to any after school stuff if necessary, feed the cat etc. I value doing it as I get to spend time with the gc.

But, I can afford the petrol and the matter has never been raised. The other grandma does the same and, although she is much worse off financially, she doesn't get any contribution either although she does ask us for a lift if we are all going over for some event.

I suppose it depends how much you value seeing the dgc, although I wouldn't like to be tied to doing it daily.

I would be wary of mentioning it because you don't want to spoil a good relationship. However if you are short of money and petrol money would make a difference I would be upfront and ask her for a contribution. Let us know what you decide.

put upon

I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation if one's on a low income and especially not if one's daughter offered it. Would she have done that if oldgoose were well off or did she make the offer in the knowledge that a little cash to help with expenses would be very welcome.

For regular help I think payment also puts the arrangement on a more formal, businesslike footing, which could be handy. When I bought a car from my brother, which I was going to pay for in instalments, he produced a formal agreement that we both signed. It probably wasn't necessary but it wasn't a bad idea either.

There are so many posts on gransnet about grans feeling out upon by their offspring.

Sorry I can't suggest how you mention it, oldgoose. Good luck.

Just a suggestion but could you not walk the children too and fro if its a local school it can't be too far. At least it would save you the petrol money and give you a nice chance to chat and catch up with the kids as well as being good for everyone.

If you can possibly afford it I would let it go. I remember I put on my dear mum quite a bit with no thought of payment - it's how it is. I think the younger generation need all the financial help they can get these days - we had it easy. All my spare money goes to the DGC these days - I've done everything and got everything I need. Just be thankful for the relationship you have with your DD & DGC - many would love to be in your position.

Washington DC

7000 miles, blimey where to you go -Australia? A long way to do the odd bit of babysitting

It's a tendency for ones offspring to be a tad thoughtless like that. We were just the same when we looked after out two GSs (they are too old now) but Mum and Dad (us) trooped around and spent time and money including holidays away with no offer of cash. It is how it is. Quite honestly if we couldn't afford to do it to the extent it meant not looking after them, I think we would have said.

Just to put my comment into context, I have a 500 mile round trip to babysit one set of DGCs and a 7000 mile round trip to babysit the other lot.
I wouldn't dream of asking for, or accepting, a financial contribution!

How far is the school from your home - how much petrol do you use a week would you say?
I would just let it go. Perhaps when your DD offered you petrol money she thought you would say that of course it didn't matter.