I need a few suggestions please

Hello Oldgoose, I'm in a similar position with helping with the grandchildren and its 20 min drive to get there. i've just been imagining myself asking my daughter for petrol money and I think it might lead to awkwardness and me regretting asking however lightheartedly I approached it. You might find it better to leave it!

Shanma, one day you might ask your GN friends for help with something and be deeply upset by some responses. Then you might be glad if 'Big Brother' does all it can do to stand up for you. And all that BB can do is remove the post, or (rarely) ban the member. Perhaps they also contact the member and explain the deletion.

Believe me, I have been at the receiving end of spiteful responses and would have welcomed action from GNHQ. Perhaps they did take action but, like this OP I had stopped reading the thread.

You may not, but a person who has been attacked in a post may feel a bit better if that post is not allowed to stand.

Broadwater I didn't mean it in that way, of course it isn't nice to have People being horrible especially when , as you say someone has bared their soul, and asked for or hoped for support. It isn't nice, it is rude and hurtful. I am NOT condoning that. what I mean is I don't need a BIG BROTHER ( or Sister in the case of GNHQ) deciding for me if I should see something or not.

Shanma, quite a lot of us DO 'mind a bit of aggro' when we have just bared our soul about something, hoping for the support promised in the guidelines. It's equally painful to see others kicked when they're down and in this case the OP has vanished, hurt. I suspect the majority of contributors support GNHQ in withdrawing spiteful posts, albeit too late in this case.

I so hate it when I come to a thread and see People saying how rude someone has been, and then I find that the offending post has been deleted. For Goodness sakes GNHQ we csn handle it, honestly I don't need you lot protecting me from bad manners or whatever This GRANSnet not bloody NURSERY net, we are adults we won't die from a bit of aggro

PFFFFT

Just arrived at the first leg of our 500 mile babysit.

If it's causing you financial issues I would mention it. Of course it's great to help out but my view is you shouldn't be out of pocket. I didnt expect my mother to help with mine kids for nothing. If you nicely explain the impact it's having on your finances I'm sure she won't be unreasonable.

Oldgoose - I have not read all the threads but get the impression some feel you should be delighted to help out with the DGC two hours a day, five days a week and expect no recompense even though you are not well off (sorry if that is wrong). Of course, your DD should at the very least pay your petrol money. Young parents these days expect far too much in the way of child care and grandparents are often cowed into doing more of it than they wish. We all love our grandchildren but, as others have said, we have already done our share of child rearing and it is now the turn of our children's generation to get on with it. Personally, I make it clear that I am happy to have any grandchild in an emergency but not on a regular basis as I still have a life to lead. I wouldn't accept payment, even petrol money, as I don't need it, but if I did need it I would ask for it. You should do the same. Good luck!

Re the smart trousers (??!!) who cares what Virginia Ironside thinks? Let's all wear our jeans until we are 103.

Wrong thread I think. There's one about smart trousers.
Personally I think VI is a bit up herself

Not sure how this post relates to OP ...

Did anyone see Virginia Ironside's comment - that no woman over 53,(why not 52 or54?) should wear jeans? I had a good laugh at that. I know that she is an agony aunt, but why does,she think that she can pronounce on what i can wear or not wear? As an active 87 year old woman, I find that jeans are the most comfortable form of netherwear, and they have 4 pockets. I take no notice of fashion as I prefer style and elegance, although I no longer have much occasion to 'dress up'.

Wow that's seemed.to have stirred thigs up ,I have sympathy for both views when I was a young parent we we very hard up I used gifts I was given to buy soap and charity shops for other things .Once I stop working I won't be well.off so having help with the costs,perhaps is only fair .Pheraps Tim Bonds,ethical dilemma,solving model might clarify matters,

If petrol money had never been mentioned, only your daughter's undying gratitude, would you now be concerned about money?
If so, you should mention it to her.

If it's only a 'loose end' in your mind, because it was mentioned but didn't happen, then try to tidy it away for yourself and don't say anything.

Why?

Hi Old Goose. Havent read through the, posts but feel for you.

I had a son with severe sen and that school bus ruled my life. There was not much pleasure getting other son from school nd rushing back for 'the vus' pkus having send for day after. The stress aged us all more than the caring which came naturally with love.

I'd say your daughter earns very little and is stressed out too.

However, what you deserve is an acknowledgement which she'll probably do at Christmas and she's just not thinking straight . All best to you x

I too have an incredibly good relationship with my daughter & I get paid as she knows she is still getting childcare a lot cheaper than a nursery, but discussions about money are always sensitive. I wouldn't just come right out & ask as it's not worth a risk of any bad feeling but I would drop some sort of hint about the price of petrol, if high, or even thank goodness it's gone down a bit, if it has. There's only you that knows your daughter, follow your instincts & Im sure you'll be fine. You've done great so far or you wouldn't have such friendship with her. Good luck x

My MIL used to ask me for the money for a pot of yoghurt my son had had, she only had him about 3 times a year for a day, and she was certainly not poor! Still haven't forgotten it 36 years later!

beammeupscottie it is hard when you cant be in 2 places at once and i agree on the M6, i cant face a it anymore than once every 6 months

parkingfairy well said,love the name by the way.

Ignore Imnow68, just provoking everyone.

Oldgoose sounds to me as if you are quite happy helping out with your grandchildren. Problem is you starting getting money it becomes more like having a job. Also II don't imagine your daughter earns a lot of money. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone one here. It's great that you are able to help out and your daughter is very lucky

Old Goose ...ask yourself if your daughter had to pay for the childcare you provide how much would it cost? A lot more than a tank of petrol me thinks. I'm sure she knows that too as she must know how much it costs to put children into the afterschool club. I'd remind her. If you have a great relationship it won't be a problem. This is above and beyond a weekly visit or the odd bit of child minding. Also you are committed to this task so other things in your life are obviously worked around it. Actually I think I would feel miffed. Good luck in what you decide xx

Well said Parkingfairy

Philly

Your comment is just as nastily vicious as that other one.

Hello old goose. This is the first time I have posted on here but your post moved me to do so. I am so surprised at some of the responses you have received. It's lovely to be a grandparent but we should remember that's what we are. Parents have children and are responsible for them just as we were. The assumption that as Grandparents we can all bend over backwards and comply with our now independent children's needs and wants still is sometimes too much. Sure, if we are 100% fit, have a good income and no desire to follow any dreams ourselves fine. Maybe our dreams were to continue supporting our children and grand children in any way we can, clearly his applies to many who do and are well loved because of it. Remember though that those who can't do everything they are asked to do are loved too. It's quality of time and experience with children not necessarily quantity that matters.
My feeling is that if old goose's daughter wants to pursue a teaching career she should pay expenses that that incurs and not expect her Mother to pay a second time around! There, I bet that's put the cat amongst the pigeons! Just say "would you mind contributing to fuel occasionally? Now I've retired I don't have as much to play with."