I'm a new nana, and have problems with DIL. We got on great until the baby was born.

n&g, "having" the baby is different from visiting the baby and his mum. OP said that she was visiting once a week before the "having" the baby without its mum came up. I think going back to that would perhaps be a good idea and that nanahana just has to lump it. It's not for her to make conditions, that is the mother's prerogative. Visiting once a week where the baby lives looks perfectly reasonable to me.

Did you read my post?

Why not get your son to look after baby for an afternoon and invite and treat DIL for afternoon out for a pampering session e.g. at a spa. Once she is enjoying herself and relaxed remind her that you think of her as a daughter and you miss her company, quietly tell her that you love her as well as your son and grandson and ask if she needs support. Tell her you know how hard it is with eg emotional turmoil after having a new baby. Then you will have to leave the ball in her court. But tell her to call you for a chat and catch up each week. Giving her a gentle reminder of how your relationship was along with reassurance may make her realise she needs you too.

But isn't part of the point that the dil has said she doesn't like the OP having the baby once a week.... has she said what she would like ?

I too would be unhappy at no contact at all.

Could you invite her to yours once a week, just for an hour to start with. Maybe being out from the influence of her mum and sisters she might be inclined to open up ?

There is nothing easy about being a Grandma, you just have to take a lead from the parents. It can be really hard to know they are struggling and just remain supportive ready to step up whenever asked but not pushing for what they do not feel ready to accept.

Your situation is difficult, made complicsted by the family living arrangement, but if you sense resentment then let them know you are there whenever they need you but do not expect to have time with the baby unless specifically invited. New Mums struggle with so many emotions, living with family adds another complication, to the general tiredness and lack of sleep.

Hard though it is try not to feel excluded, Can you have a chat with your son, let him know that you want to be there for them but will wait for them to feel ready to let baby go. Often a half hour walk is really all a young Mum wants to let her baby out for.

The other granny has it pat: it's not your baby. Do what the baby's mother/parents want and no more. If you are seeing the baby every week I don't really see what you have to complain about.

Help.