Asking for too much?

Offer to pay for childcare???? OMG. They had the children.

If you pay for this what's the next thing they'll blackmail ask you to pay for.

I do feel fortunate, it's all perspective isn't it?

I'm sad at the state of affairs for the young, compared to when I was a mum of under 16s. I do all that I can to help my dds during their hard times.

Wel, you're very fortunate if you can afford to pay around £1,000 every month for childcare - not many of us could.

Yes, I know the cost. If I felt my dds needed the mini holiday I'd pay if I couldn't do the childcare. I remember how tired I got and how much I appreciated mini holidays my mum provided.

Norah, have you any idea how much childcare would cost for five children for a weekend every month?!

Well I read the OP and my jaw hit the desk! I was infuriated on your behalf retirementisgreat. But I see later in the thread that you have managed to come to some understanding with your daughter.

My advice, had you not done this, would have been to just show her this thread and the responses you received. Only two (or was it just one?) person responded positively to her request. She would then hopefully understand that her request/demand was ridiculously unreasonable.

And as for "there is no one else who can look after the children for her" - sorry but that is absolute bullshine. She could try asking the children's friends parents if they would mind looking after the children every month for a weekend so that she and her other half could "have a break". I wonder what the response would be.

Alternatively, they could employ a nanny or use someone like "Sitters" - but unfortunately, I suspect that having to pay for childcare, rather than using free care from grandparents, would make the need for a break rather less urgent.

I hope you continue to stick to your guns and not give in to this atrocious emotional blackmail. Needing a monthly break indeed!!! Pfft.

I could accept asking you maybe twice a year, but every month is just beyond the pale!

I think she is asking a bit too much. Maybe offer to pay for a nanny in order for dd to get a break.

Hi just read your thread and feel for you. I am a nursery nurse so I know how tiring children are. I also have my own 2 grandchildren which are 5months and 3 I have them once a month also but I can share the load with other family members. There is no way your daughter should leave 5 children with you on your own. Suppose something happened to either you or one of the children what would happen to the other children. Let your daughter sulk she will soon come around when she realises you are not backing down. Good Luck

That's outrageous a request - but also, looking after 5 children including a 15 month old, on your own, if you are not used to it, may even be very unwise.

Sounds like possibly DD needs ongoing help which might be more reasonable than weekends 'off'. And then DD and SiL will need to pay for ongoing help, if they need the load lightening?

Good luck.

Oh lord, don't do it, it's far too much to expect. I get tired looking after 1yr old grandson three days a week, I couldn't imagine looking after that number. When reading Gransnet I am beginning to despair over how selfish and uncaring some adult offspring are

Don't do it! It was her choice to have five children, not yours. Maybe offer a ling weekend break WIth them so you can help. Had experience of this myself, five young gc in my sons family and I just couldn't manage them all in one gp so I would have them in two's every now and again and that was exhausting?p

I remember when I was a single mother of three, looking after my friend's two for a few days while she had a break with her partner. At the time I thought nothing of it, but I was in my thirties then and had lots of reserves of energy. I think our children find it hard to accept that as we get older we can no longer manage the things we used to do because those reserves of energy have been spent! Not just because we are not as able to help them as they would like but also because for them to accept that would mean they would also have to accept that they themselves will one day not be as fit and energetic as they are in their thirties and forties and that is hard to realise. (this is the first time I have posted by the way, so hope I am doing this right)

No, plain and simple

Frankly I am completely stunned that anyone would think it was ok to ask this of someone in their late 60's ... !

Complicated family set up. DGD from my DD's first relationship DSD's are from her OH previous. The two DGS are from this relationship. DD and her OH we're together before SD's came to live with them because of problems with their ownDM. I have looked after them all at some point and am quite happy to do so. My DGD has been in my life since she popped into the world and has always come to stay. Only the elder DGS has asked to stay - (the 15 month gets to see me often ) and changed his mind when he knew his sister wasn't coming as well! I also had DSD1 to stay for a week when their was a problem with her behaviour at home. My DGD wasn't happy - she's never spent that long with me at a time.

I look after my daughter's 2 children for 2 whole days every week while she works - age 2 1/2 and 8 months. Another 2 days they are at nursery. I love having them but 2 whole days is my limit. (I'm late 60's). Luckily my husband helps me. Recently she asked me if I could have them for a night or two as well so she and her husband could have a break and I was very doubtful and started to feel a bit put upon. She discussed it with her husband and we have now all decided to go away together for 5 days in March, self catering with separate cabins as I like my "space". That way we all have a break and share the childcare. She and her husband will be able to have some time to themselves too, so I think that is a good compromise. You need to stand your ground and set boundaries with your daughter, otherwise you will just be walked all over. They are her children after all. She decided to have them. My mother never had any of my 3 on her own; she said "you've made your bed now lie on it".

I think that your dd and sil are being VERY unreasonable asking for a whole weekend each month - so I think that you should stick to your guns over this.

However having read your post it is clear that only one child is your dds and the others are sils or step-gcs. You talk about wanting GD (your dds dd) to spend time with you - does this mean that you are not bothered or don't want to spend time with the step-gc? Is it possible that this differentiation between the gcs is causing problems?

Odds on it would result in no six , if they are not careful

I wouldn't do it myself. However I must say she is not the only one to demand such an arrangement. A lot of youngsters these days think they are 'entitled'.

Can't you come up with a plan of your own which suits both of you?

Just to add ..... Even if there was only ONE child, it is still selfish and unreasonable to expect you to provide weekend childcare on a monthly basis.
I would be very tempted to show her the responses you've received! Might just wake her up! Good luck x

Completely agree with other responses - maybe an hour or 2 for a film or a meal sometimes, but a weekend once a month is completely taking the pee.
Stick to your guns, if your DD plays dirty be upfront about it and my guess is it will blow over in a while.
Something like "I love you all but it's too much for me" and repeat as necessary.
Maybe they could think about getting an au pair? There must be other solutions but personally I think a whole weekend of "me" time every month is a bit (massively) unrealistic (selfish).
Hope it is soon resolved, good luck x

I think your last sentence summed it up! You're right when you say that your DD has no respect for you!

Right ..... so they want a weekend away once a month and expect (or demand) that you decamp to their home to care for FIVE children. What planet are they from to be so selfish and demanding. I would be incandescent with rage if either of my offspring suggested such a thing.

You're right to refuse. If they can afford monthly werkends away then I would suggest bi-monthly escapes and they can get a nanny to provide childcare whilst they are off on a jolly. You don't need to explain that you love your grandchildren; we all know that. This is such a ludicrous suggestion from your daughter that words now fail me.

We have my GS 3 afternoons per week and I'm counting down to September when he starts school so that I'm free again! Love him .... Absolutely but have only ever had him for one overnight stay.

Please don't back down on this one. How they dare argue when you refused is quite quite beyond me.
Your eldest GD will soon be old enough to come and visit you on her own. I really feeling totally indignant on your behalf.

Yes she is asking too much! Five children once a month is unreasonable.

I agree with what's already been suggested. If you have children then you have to look after them not pass the responsibility onto your mother, who has already reared her own children. I am all for helping and a trip of a life time maybe, but to demand you do this once a month is totally selfish. Don't give in to her demands, she need to understand and respect you. Please don't feel too down most of us have family problems and I hope it all works out for you x

Solitaire DGS2, aged 3, has just demanded I get him in a leghold headlock on the rug... Apparently I'm stronger than Grandad, who was allowed to go and make the tea.