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Grandparenting

Practical advice

(64 Posts)
Elrel Sat 25-Feb-17 18:35:57

One of my GDs was unhappy to be tall in junior school. Gradually at secondary school she realised it gave her an advantage, especially as she could look down on annoying boys. She loves being talk now, at 17. I hope your GD can gradually realise her height is an asset.
She was brilliant with her brother's wrong size underwear, as she likes helping people is baby sitting a possibility?

willsmadnan Sat 25-Feb-17 18:35:22

Surely taking her to see the doc. will make her even more anxious. .... maybe even convincing her she has a serious personality problem. It sounds to me as if she has a confidence problem, but she recognises it which i think is good (no way do I profess to be an expert in psychology , far from it).
If she could be persuaded to take on a Saturday job as Elrel suggests which doesn't require an interview i.e... a family friend/ aquaintance , that might build her confidence. FWIW .... I suffered from crippling shyness and my Mum's hairdresser offered me a Saturday job .... mostly sweeping hair up, and filling shampoo bottles but it did build up my confidence. Many teenagers suffer from confidence problems be it back in the 50s or now in the 21st century. The increased reliance on non-virtual social contact shows that.
I wouldn't worry to much yet Bluebelle. I guess all you can do is offer a listening ear.

BlueBelle Sat 25-Feb-17 18:30:00

Thanks so much for your answers She won't be visiting the doctors she definitely has no mental health problems just a big stumbling block ....she can be quite confident and able in some situations for instance her brother had some underpants that were the wrong size and was hesitant about taking them back ( although he's normally ultra confident) she took over went to the counter and very confidently explained and got the money back She travels on buses and trains alone with no problem She has had a paper round but gave up after a year as the dogs scared her No she's not an animal girl I m afraid a bit scared of both dogs and cats and anything insect like
Drama would be an excellent idea but she won't join anything she seems crippled by embarrassment so won't accept either her mum or me making any move for her so we can't even approach a shop I do voluntary work and she could accompany me but won't She's not being over pushed at school she's dyslexic but worked her way into the top group in all subjects except Spanish and French
One day I asked if she like to help me paint a fence for some money but she said she didn't feel very well but I knew it was because it was a front garden fence and people would see her She's very pretty in a natural way and has a very good figure slim and long legged She's tall and that bothers her because she thinks she's too tall I do feel for her I d like to think it was just a phase but she's always been a bit shy it's just got worse with puberty
She doesn't like sport it's really hard to know how and what to encourage her with

jollyg Sat 25-Feb-17 18:07:22

Our kids did a once a week paper round, in the neighbourhood. If for any reason they could not do it I did. Gave them money and confidence, esp at Christmas time.

I dont think a visit to the Dr would do anything if they are anything like ours.

paddyann Sat 25-Feb-17 18:05:38

agree Bibbity anxiety can be crippling ,she needs to seek help for it ,also is her home life secure ,do her parents praise her and tell her how capable she is.I have a friend who constantly told her son he was clumsy and guess what he was clumsy ,once she stopped saying it and offered constructive cricism he stopped being clumsy,he was only little though so a teen might need a different approach.But trusting her to do things for hersellf would be a help.I was a shy child ,used to hide behind the sofa or under a table when my parents friends came round,my mum helped me by asking me to hand round sandwiches or talk to one of them about the book I was reading( I was always buried in abook) it really helped and once I started working I found socialising much easier.Hope this wee girl gets the help she needs ,anxiety is an awful thing to live with

janeainsworth Sat 25-Feb-17 18:03:29

There is nothing in the OP that suggests Bluebelle's DGD is suicidal, or even has mental health issues Bibbity. Everyone is anxious from time to time and this is quite normal.

Are you aware that frivolous visits to GPs are crippling the service and many GPs are near breaking point because their workload is so heavy?
We all have a duty to use the NHS responsibly.

Elrel Sat 25-Feb-17 18:01:10

I agree a drama group could be good idea. About the Saturday job, could you or her mother find a likely place or just a friendly place and ask in advance whether they will look at her cv and talk to her if she goes in? Even if she gets a courteous 'no, thank you' she'll have begun to break the ice. You or her mother could be in a nearby shop or cafe, just walking through that first door should help her confidence.
Or is their a trusted neighbour who would pay her to walk a dog, wash a car, tidy a garden?

Bibbity Sat 25-Feb-17 17:55:09

Arevposters aware that anxiety can be crippling?
And yes anxiety is an illness.
What's the worst that seeing the Dr could do?
She goes and there's nothing 'wrong' alps good.
She goes and they discover that yes there are ways they can help her! Fantastic!
A trip to the Drs regarding MH issues is never a wasted journey.
Are posters even aware of the rate of teen suicide recently?!

phoenix Sat 25-Feb-17 17:52:57

I agree kitty definitely NOT a case for a visit to the doctors!

Does she like animals? They are easier to "talk" to than people, although you do have to deal with the people first!

The reason for my question is that boarding kennels/catterys etc are often very glad for a bit of weekend help, and it might suit her better than a shop job where she would be dealing with members of the public. She might be able then to gradually build up her confidence, for example telling Mr & Mrs Bloggs when they come to collect their beloved pet how much she enjoyed walking/cleaning out the litter tray/stroking/grooming of Mr Snuffle Wuffles or Tyson the Yorkshire Terrier!

janeainsworth Sat 25-Feb-17 17:48:38

I too think it is OTT to go to the doctor, since your DGD isn't actually ill, but just experiencing the fears and emotions that many adolescents do.
She is listening to the wrong little voices inside her head which are telling her she can't do things. She needs help to hear the ones which will tell her she's just as good as everyone else and can do things like getting a Saturday job.
Neurolinguistic programming helps people to change the way they think about themselves and how they react to situations.
A life coach/counsellor qualified in NLP might be a good move.

Hilltopgran Sat 25-Feb-17 17:41:54

Could your GD try volunteering for something that interests her, less pressure than looking for a job and would add to her CV.
Many young people suffer from crippling lack of self esteem, it takes courage and self belief to step out of a comfort zone of family, just be there for her build her confidence and reassure her that lots of people feel as she does.

It is tough being young and insecure, but small positive achievements and praise can help

kittylester Sat 25-Feb-17 17:32:21

I have a friend who is a drama teacher and she is brilliant at improving the self esteem of teenage girls. I wonder if you could find one near you. Going to the doctors seems to be making a big thing of it. It might be worth a sideways look at it first.

Bibbity Sat 25-Feb-17 16:53:24

Your poor little GD sad her anxiety and self asteem appear really low sad
I don't think there is much you and her mum can do now but I would recommend your daughter(il?) take her to the doctors.
She could benefit from some counselling or something similar.
Her mum can then link up with the school to ensure she's not being pushed beyond her limits but they are also supporting her.
I really hope she comes through.

BlueBelle Sat 25-Feb-17 16:36:13

I have a granddaughter who was 14 last week she is very mature, sensible and reliable She is desperate for a little Saturday job but is so crippled by shyness that she can't even ring anywhere or hand her little CV in anywhere but won't let Her mum do it for her She is very angry with herself and cries with frustration at her inability to get past this great stumbling block So far nothing we ve adviced has either been taken up or tried. She won't join anything She used to be a scout and loved it but once her friends and brother left she wouldn't stay She has lots of friends but will never make the first move so only goes out if they ask Her school work is above average but every teacher says if only she would speak out more in class
Has anyone had any experience of a young person like this and how we can encourage her I was very shy as a kid and regret all the things I missed out on