I just want to love my grandkids

Either it is a work of fiction or they (OP included) are an extremely dysfunctional family who need professional outside help. It is a situation beyond advice on a grandparenting site.

I think this could be all true , there are worse families / family situations than this believe me

She may have disappeared because she was being blamed!

But since so many people are so sure this is a windup, I'm not going to post in this thread anymore.

"I loathe smoking but if the description is correct, the daughter was driving away then chose to drive back and issue a command about the smoking. "

No, she chose to drive back to show her mother some pictures of the gc - a thoughtful thing to do. But while she was showing her the photos, she wanted her to put out the cigarette. A reasonable - and wise, I think - request for a pregnant woman to make.

Ok, maybe she said it in the form of an "order" ( the op did say she "ordered me..."). But that just is part of the problem in their whole relationship, the bossiness and insensitivity of which they are both guilty.

Perhaps time for GNHQ to delete it?

Sounds as though it emanated from the US.

As the OP has not returned I think it's safe to assume it's a windup post designed to invite criticism and is best ignored.

It sounds like your daughter has made some bad choices but you are no saint. If you are offering to buy a mother baby stuff for HER kid, you get what she wants...not what you want.

I'm just having a hard time believing your side of this story.

Jeremy Kyle, whom i never watch, features real people who are not wind-ups.

I sincerely hope it is a wind-up. I find it hard to envisage a more dysfunctional family and the thought that there might really be children in this environment is truly appalling.
Plot for a soap perhaps? Try-out for a US version of Jeremy Kyle??

" Insisting on smoking near a pregnant woman who asked you to stop IS bullying, imo, so d WASN'T LYING. That makes me wonder about what else you're calling "lies." You may both have very different perspectives on things."

I loathe smoking but if the description is correct, the daughter was driving away then chose to drive back and issue a command about the smoking.

"and the stuff she was picking out to us, was way past ugly. We wanted to pick things for the baby ourselves, and not be told what to pick"

In a difficult relationship, if something reasonably easy is asked of you why not do it rather than cause another argument?

I mean you had a fight with your pregnant daughter over her not wanting you to smoke around her

c'mon! work on your relationship with your DD (maybe with some temporary distance, and DEFINITELY a facebook break!) before telling her to "grow up" . I think the pot is calling the kettle black. She's not doing a stellar job at the moment, but she hardly has a good mothering role model, and you adding to her stress is hardly going to help her cope and sort her life out

he told me that 5 months ago..and that he wants to shoot them to shut them up!! That's alarming

Her now husband is into the dark arts meh! less harm has been done to others by people following the occult than by "christians" in the name of "god".

Your GCs lives do not sound ideal at all, but you do sound like a contributing factor to the familys problems as well

and the stuff she was picking out to us, was way past ugly. We wanted to pick things for the baby ourselves, and not be told what to pick

If it's stuff for her house, why does it have to be to your tastes?

You sound like people who make generous sounding offers, but on delivery attach loads of controlling conditions on it

Don't offer what you're not going to give freely!

If this is a wind-up it's quite an exercise in creative writing! If it's not a wind-up, it's a case of 'like mother, like daughter' and heaven help the children.

I do get your concern for your gc (grandchildren) and their family life. My heart goes out to you there - and even more so to the two older kids, caught between their warring parents. I think you need to tell d what gs said to you, so maybe she'll stop slamming her x in front of the kids and maybe be able to get x and his parents to shut that down, too.

But after that, I don't think you and she should contact each other for a while. You and dh needn't subject yourself to bad treatment, and d has enough going on, what with being pregnant and dealing with a difficult x, she doesn't need you people making it worse.

How are her friends contacting you on FB? Through d's page? Stop reading it. On your/dh's page? Unfriend them or at least unfollow them. But if their posts include a key to what sets d off, stop doing those things.

Now I may have just wasted my time on a windup, but as I said, I did it just in case it's not.

Yes, sounds like it could be a windup, but just in case it's not...

LinT, you and your d (daughter)have clearly been in conflict for a long time. You both need some space from each other, probably for a long time. Neither of you show any respect for each other's choices, even if it's just a matter of baby clothes or a car.

Insisting on smoking near a pregnant woman who asked you to stop IS bullying, imo, so d WASN'T LYING. That makes me wonder about what else you're calling "lies." You may both have very different perspectives on things.

But d bullies you, as well. So again - space.

Everything I just said goes for dh (dear husband) also.

I agree travels very weird to say the least.

Do you think this is a wind up senario, its sounds so unbelieveable to me!!!

You all sound as bad as each other.
I'd take a step back at this time. She is preganant and the conflict could harm the baby.
If CPS have been involved and not found issue then you need to stop.
Are they satanic or pagan?
You should've put the cigarette out. You were just being argumentive there.

I think your daughter and family need serious professional help particularly in regard to the gun problem. You need to ensure they get this help then back off for a while.
There are so many issues here I am now wondering if this is a fictional post. I take it the poster is American.