Fourteen year old granddaughter is harder to mind than when she was two

Willa, I'm appalled. Firstly, the rules change when someone is babysitting another person's child so normal rules don't apply.
Secondly, if anything had happened on your watch, how would you ever live it down? You were right to say no.

Thirdly, your grandaughter would be putting you to the test so again you were right to say no.

Lastly, I'd tell your own daughter to find another childminder the next time she wants to take a 7 day vacation.
You either both sing from the same hymn sheet, yours if you're doing the job. Or she finds another person to childmind.

When we look after GC we are responsible for their wellbeing and knowing where they are at all times.It is a big responsibility and you should make rules to suit you and if they are not adhered to then say no next time.

There are numerous cases of teenagers, mainly girls, making arrangements to meet people after school through social media, telling parents they are off to meet a friend then being subjected to abuse or worse when the person they arranged to meet was not who they thought. If it was me I would find some instances on the Internet, print them off, give them to your daughter and ask her what she would have done if a similar thing had happened to your GD on your watch.

Your daughter is 100% in the wrong. I would make it clear that should you do her the favour of caring for the teenagers in future you want your daughter and SIL to sit down with them and make it clear that they should abide by any rule you make and that any change in routine has to be agreed with you in advance and that your word is final.

Totally normal behaviour of a teenager it ll only last a couple of years then they ll be driving themselves around Of course If the girl is used to her independence she will take it badly Your daughter should have told you this would happen and made arrangements with other parents My own grand kids often go out after school and they are very good about saying how they are getting home and what bus and what time... it is a normal part of their growing up and their independence but it was wrong that you were not told and prepared for it but it's understandable that your granddaughter would be upset at the disruption to her social life it's also equally understandable that you would be worried and unsure of how much independence to allow and it was definitely your daughters job to have told you what to expect and how to handle it

My first thought was you should tell your daughter where to go for not backing you up here. But, of course, you don't want to fall out with her. So next time she asks you to look after her kids, I would suggest you smile sweetly and say you're not feeling well enough to help out and that she will have to find someone else.

I wouldn't be running around after a 14 year old like that, they must be in and out of the house like yoyo's! Does the girl walk anywhere?
Your daughter and her hubby are the ones responsible for looking after their children and certainly should support you if you are doing their job.
Make your point of view clear, if they don't like the way you want things to be - tough.

I suggest you show your DD these comments, she should get down on her knees in gratitude for your babysitting. Yes I said babysitting because clearly the girl is still very immature.
I no longer have the health or energy to do childcare like this but would be incandescent with rage if my DD spoke to me like this and supported her spoilt brat of a DD.

Why do people have kids then think they can ick and choose when to look after them? No wonder the kids has the hump.

Tell them in future to look after her themselves, as they clearly don't trust you enough to back them up.

It won't hurt them to have to priorotise their child, she won't be a child for much longer and you have better things to do than chauffer and worry.

All the people who want grandparents to look after the kids should be bloody grateful.

Willa, you were completely in the right since much harm could have befallen the child had she managed to wander off on her own during the second and third party handovers. Her mother, your daughter, should have recognised this. In any case, if you were providing free child cover so your daughter could enjoy a child free holiday then the child should have been made clear she did what you asked her whilst her mother was gone. Teachers in schools suffer much these days when parents back the child, not the school and discipline thereby breaks down. This story illustrates much that is wrong in the modern era of snowflake indulgent parenting. The correct way is as follows:-
- the child obeys its carer whoever that is
- the parent holidays with his or her child
-if another adult carer becomes necessary for a real emergency, the parent supports the discipline of the back up
- adult children respect their parents' rules in their parents' houses as they expect their children to obey them otherwise known as ' granny's house : granny's rules.'

Additionally, I think the fourteen year old should be read the riot act about returning home after school to complete homework and not trying to manipulate adults over school day treats.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but if everyone observed these rules many problems that children cause or find themselves in could be averted. Children are not adults and do not understand either the dangers of the modern world or how a chain of authority needs to be complied with for their own good.

I think it's lovely that you took a week out to look after your GC - next time they want free childcare for their children tell them that your rates as an employee doing as instructed at all times with the word 'no ' removed from your vocabulary plus wear tear on car petrol , chef skills , house keeping and security are £1000 per day each. Bloody cheek.

I was under the impression that the adults make the rules, not the children and teenagers. Granted there has to be give and take in any situation, but it sounds as if your GD was making use of you, demanding chauffering services and generally pushing the boundaries too far. After the first event I would have told her firmly that I needed notice if she was going elsewhere, and I was not prepared to compromise my evenings to fit in with her ever changing plans.She was quite simply pushing her luck on a daily basis and when she didn't get reprimanded - she did it again.

I hate to say it as we have all been compromised rotten at times by the younger generation, but I think your DD and SIL need their legs smacked for not backing you up - what a let down they have have been, and of course you don't have to do this again - I loved the response from Terribull - how apt!

Willa I'm sure your GD is a lovely 'girl' but the fact that she 'demanded' you call your DD says it all.

I'm sure you were very hurt and shocked when your DD blamed you for GDs unacceptable attitude. To me it wasn't about TRUST but about CARE.

All your DD needed to say was "aw I'm sorry Mum. Teenage girls grrrr Thanks for dealing with her nonsense".

And the incident may well have been forgotten. Please don't feel you did anything wrong .... You didn't.

A good opportunity for a chat with DD, SIL and GD about future arrangements. I imagine it's all too stressful. I can't even cope with a 4 year old .....

Good Luck ?

I agree with what Anya says on this most definitely. No treading on egg shells they rely on you so they should listen to your concerns.

Did they pay you for the food the kids ate while they were there or fuel for collecting them from school etc? I suspect probably not so they expect you to look after their kids for free then moan when you set boundaries.

In that case, if your DD and SIL don't like how you look after THEIR kids then tell them to make alternative arrangements for when they go off on a jolly or tell them to take THEIR kids with them in future.

Your daughter should have communicated with you better before they went away about what level of freedom your granddaughter was normally allowed. Then you could have decided to what extent you were to be used as a taxi for her late returns and to what extent she needed to make alternative arrangements for getting home. You could point out to your daughter that on occasions when she wasn't available to ask, you felt sure she would have been even MORE annoyed if you had made a decision that left the young lady exposed to more danger than her own mother would have allowed. It's completely correct to default to the safer, more controlled option, when in doubt.

I'm afraid if you have children I think you should take them with you on holiday!
They definitely should back you up and tell dgd how many beans make 5 and give her a kick up the backside for disrespecting her grandparents who have been good enough to give up their time to look after them!
In your situation I'm afraid I'd be very unavailable the next time they want to swan off!

willa, why don't you have a chat with your son and DIL? How do they cope with the daughter's unplanned activities? is she allowed to do that every day? in this case for how long? (1 hour after school? be out the whole evening?) If it turns out the parents are happy to chuffeur around then you will have to kindly explain that you are older and don't have this kind of energy and agree on some boundaries for when the DGD is at your house. One rule I have for when my adult children and their spouses and or children are visitng is that dinner is at 7pm. No delays, no exceptions. If they are late they will have to open the fridge, put food on a plate and heat it up, then place all dishes in the dishwasher when they are done. Yes they have labelled it one of my quirks but once they understood that this is the rule in my house life is easier for everybody. And I do hold dinner for a few minutes if they call to say when they'll be home ;)

Very disappointed in your daughter's attitude ... she should have completely backed you up. You were quite right to ask your daughter to come home - she can go off with her friends at other times when her parents are looking after her and you were right to be worried. Granddaughter is old enough to be expected to respect your worries about where she is and who she is with. Well done for looking after the family for 7 days - well and above the call of duty!! Ask daughter how she would have felt if anything had happened to her daughter.

Excellent - wise man!

I too have a fourteen year old grand-daughter. How can I put this without feeling disloyal? Er.... I am just hoping that the phase she is going through now will not last too long....

willa, maybe you should ask your daughter to tell your grand-daughter that you don't 'trust' her to be in the right place at the right time because the evidence at your disposal suggests that she can't be trusted on that score and that, yes, she should be upset about that if she has a modicum of respect for her grandparents. If she wants to be trusted she has to prove her trustworthiness.

You are not in the wrong. Your grand-daughter is, and so is her mother.

It's no surprise that teenagers are more difficult to look after than two year olds.

I agree with all the other posters - your DD is in the wrong here and she will have to forego her trips and the parents look after their teenagers themselves. You could be there for emergencies only - and make sure the DGC know the rules.

I meant to add, if that's the case, I thought the "yellow school bus" was pretty much the standard way all kids got to and from school in the US.

I get the impression from the words "vacation" and "mom" you may be American Willa45, or living there?

Willa45 is there no public transport where your family lives? And if they are far enough away to need a ride, there should be a school bus.My 14-year-old GD and her 12-year-old brother cycle to school and back every day. Both have phones so that they can contact parents and vice versa if they need a lift (punctures, for example!) They go by bus with friends to the nearest big town to go shopping. They are mature for their years because they are trusted. Come to think of it, I was doing exactly the same at that age.