What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's?

I'' really struggling with this. I am the mom, and my sone is one and a half. His grandparents already use this phrase to excuse giving kids mac and cheese, gum balls, and ice cream for dinner, and such like that. (Actual example.) I try to avoid high fructose corn syrup and artificial dyes. I'm not strict (baby had donut holes this morning!!!) but trying to teach real food is yummy.

I plan to never leave them with my son, as some of the threads mentioned, but would prefer they just try to follow our lead a little. Any suggestions? I realize this is NOT a popular opinion. But my kid- wherever he is.

I entirely ‘get’ what you are saying Jess and I’ve no time for grandparents who disregard the parents wishes. Having said that some parents are anal.

Ye, the odd treat is acceptable, but the example you describe is OTT and it also depends how often these people have your toddler in their care. Once in a blue moon won’t harm, but if it’s a regular thing then you need to put your foot down.

I don’t actually understand the mentality of some grandparents. My co-grandparents are just the same. Give them access to their grandchildren and they see it as an opportunity to stuff them full of sugar and carbs. Why? Probably because it’s the easy way to ‘spoil’ them. Not enough imagination to find other ways of making a visit to grandma a special event.

Suggestions you ask? Sit them down and calmly explain your point. Don’t rule out the odd ‘treat’ but get the point across that it means ‘occasional’ and probably ‘small’.

I’m guessing you’re in the US. I think there’s a big campaign over there too against obesity. Use that as your starting poin. Get them on board.

I agree, don't think children should ever be told to keep secrets. Except at Christmas.......

Healthy eating is one thing but can we please not let what WAS a lighthearted OP descend into another PC anti-grandparent barney.
Re-read my posts of Sunday 15 May.
However jess I see you have an issue and a point about healthy eating. Macaroni cheese is not such a dreadful meal, though is it but I am not sure what “gum balls” are and they sound like sweets? And are doughnut holes what I think they are? The “middles” , high fat, high sugar. You are not being consistent then are you.
I suppose the issue of what children eat at meals at grandma’s may depend on whether this is a one off or a regular occurrence. Surely there must be room for discussion?
In defence of us grandparents, all I would add is that we somehow managed to raise you our adult children, presumably with all your own teeth, no sugar addiction and (still) in excellent health.
Can’t be that clueless then

A mac and cheese is a burger MawBroon (love your name!) in the US. Gum balls are chewing gum - a choking hazard.

And in reply to your comments about good teeth and no sugar addiction....isn’t this the generation that ‘invented’ wholesale obesity?

Judging from some of the threads on here of my peers are overweight, and their many of their teeth are not their own ?

Of course I’m not referring to you and yours. For all I know you’re a trim size 12 with a dazzling smile.

If we don’t follow the rules we don’t get the children, simple. Children should NEVER be encouraged to have secrets from their parents as it puts them at risk. The one thing we have always done though is read to them while they eat. It started as a means of getting food into them but now it gives us topics for discussion with them and has built a store of of happy memories for both them and us.

Take that back about the “Mac and cheese!” and absolutely agree with HM balls!

GUM not HM balls

????

Friday Mac and cheese isn’t a burger.
It’s baked macaroni in a cheese sauce with extra cheese on top, quite delicious and not unhealthy unless you’re lactose intolerant.
I don’t buy the argument that because grandparents have raised their own children with varying degrees of success, that automatically qualifies them to look after their grandchildren without regard for the parents’ values and boundaries. People behave very differently with their grandchildren from how they behaved with their own DCs.
I would never allow my DGC to have anything or do anything that I knew was contrary to what their parents wanted them to have or do.

I'm fortunate in that my daughter and son-in-law raise their boys along the same lines as I brought up my own children, so we have never had any conflict. I am slightly stricter and more consistent with my grandsons than their parents and we are in agreement about things like fresh fruit every day, only water to drink etc. 'Granny's house, granny's rules' apply, but usually that means I don't permit something they may do at home.

we dont have food restrictions ,restricting causes problems further down the line .NO food is junk food .We make everything from scratch ...even burgers although they do get a McDonalds now and again.Mac and Cheese is a firm family favourite and children AND adults need fat in their diet.The obsession with "clean eating" causes as many issues as it claims to solve.If we give them a good variety of food then even sweets wont do any harm.My daughter didn't get any sweets when she was little,a neighbour gave her a very small bar of chocolate as she walked past the gate when D was 4 ...she loved it.I still kept the to the no sweets stuff rule though.How stupid we can be when we're young...we think nobody ever raised a healthy child and we'll do it RIGHT .Both my kids have never had a filling ,both now 30 and 40 are chocolate addicts ....acording to D ,its all my fault ....lol.A few years ago there were multiple reports of children who had malnutrition from an obsession with healthy eating...these kids were being denied foods the needed for healthy growth.

Never heard of Mac and cheese, except in the states when it meant a Big Mac with cheese.

Two nations divided by a common language?

The definitive Mac & Cheese, courtesy of Panera where I think it originated
www.paneraathome.com/products/categories/mac-n-cheese-and-pasta/mac-and-cheese

My child minding days are behind me now but I always felt that the DGCs respected the fact that I wouldn't give them anything they weren't allowed at home.

Treats were only allowed 'If mummy says it's OK' which included things like ice creams on days out.

There was never any conflict.

Friday Mac ‘n Cheese is, as far as my American grandchildren are concerned, macaroni in a cheese sauce. In fact, there are boxes of the instant variety called just that in the States. Dreadful stuff and bright yellow, but they love it.

Big Mac is a burger with cheese with other dubious additions.

I think my daughter trusted me to do the right thing by my grandchildren, even if slightly differently. Maybe more lax on certain things, but she was always telling them how she would never have got away with some of the things they did. And she was right! I would have come down on her like the proverbial tonne of bricks!

I think you can buy Mac 'n' Cheese in packets here now too finnochio! I think I ate it once (in Australia) but we were camping at the time so it was allowed.

Why does Mac 'n' Cheese annoy me? Macaroni Cheese doesn't need shortening!

Love the OP!

My DGC love home made Macaroni Cheese ( with extra cheese on top) and cauliflower cheese too. Delicious . They also love ice cream served with tinned fruit ( oranges or peaches are favourites) .

I have never been told what to or what not to give my DGC by my DS or DDiL, they just seem to trust that we will feed them well. Good good and the odd treat. Can't see the point of making rules just for the sake of it .

Really can't see anything wrong with Mac n' Cheese (yes it annoys me too!) Millions of healthy Italian children have been raised on versions of it. I don't think ice cream is particularly sinful unless it's lagged with cream, chocolate sauce and so on.
All the American ladies I talk to on Facebook definitely mean macaroni cheese!

Ingredients in Mac 'n' Cheese (in a packet):
www.livestrong.com/article/87143-ingredients-kraft-mac-cheese/

I think I'd prefer gillybob's

All of my children think of macaroni cheese as THE food of their childhood. It was always a favourite and was requested for birthdays and when friends came for dinner or sleepovers. Even now it's a shorthand for mum's comfort.

Cauliflower cheese will have to be a good substitute tomorrow with roast dinner.