feeling lonely and isolated as paternal grandmother

May, I'm so sorry you had a bad time at gs' Communion. That priest sounds old-fashioned and cruel. Also, it was rude, imo, for the family to talk about getting together at the mgps right in front of you and not invite you. (((Hugs)))

This might be part of the problem:

"I once gave a book when they were little called "my 2 religions" and learned later by my other son, it was thrown out under some excuse."

My guess is that the children are being brought up to believe they are part of one religion only, no matter what their father's foo (family of origin) is. Their rigidity is old-fashioned, imo, but there are still some families like that. If they got the impression that you would try to interfere with that, it might have made them uncomfortable with you.

Maybe I shouldn't say "rigidity" since they do let the kids share Hanukkah and Passover with you IN YOUR HOME. (Do ds and dil come too?) But they may want only Catholicism to be IN THEIR HOME and part of the children's daily lives. You may not see it that way, but that is their choice as parents. (Even if ds is just going along with it, that's his choice too.) For your own peace of mind, please let go of the idea of your gc learning about their 2 heritages equally. That's probably not going to happen unless they choose to learn more about Judaism as they get older.

As for where your replies come out, it's at the end of the last page of the thread unless someone else posts after you. Your posts will have a green background.

Nora, after Catholic schools, the next largest percentage of private schools are conservative Christian schools, then the other religions, so she is pretty much correct (79%of private schools are religious). There are also private academic or preparatory schools too. Each state spends a percent of money on education with different parts of country having and spending different amounts for free education up to grade 12.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Post is identical to previous.

My sister told me, that all the private education in the USA, was religious. Not so?

Maybe she misunderstood, she lived in Mississippi.

Public schools are the very expensive private schools here iyswim!

I wont, Jaloma1108 and Norah. Yes, in US one can pay for private schools and also for religious private schools. Some public schools are great, it depends on location. They are free tho. Then we pay for college/ university too.

Oh yes, don't worry about the schooling, they will sort it appropriately. My sister said many people in America prefer a private school education because of the quality of the schools.

and I wouldn't mention schooling either - I only said something very tentatively once and resolved never to mention it again!!

Monica, you say some wise things. Thank you.
Willow, I have definitely found some solace and thank you for your concern.
To everyone including any I have not answered personally such as TriciaF Thank you, Iam64, and Jalima, I cant tell you what it has meant to me to have your thoughts. You strangers helping me off the proverbial cliff...I am taking your thoughts and suggestions to heart. Holidays may be lonely or a struggle but there is always the next day.....and lovely people like yourselves who took the time to respond to me. I cant tell you what it meant. I am stunned. Thank you.

May. Why does religion even come into this You seem to have a good relationship with the grandkids and see plenty of them and meet your son so why not just completely leave the religious bits out of it and celebrate ordinary holidays ...

Presumably your son was brought up in the Jewish faith did he relinquish it and become Catholic ? Or else how does he manage I would say forget Christmasses and Hannukahs steer clear of teaching or talking about any of it to the children if it's this that is really causing you so much sadness steer completely away from both religions and see them in a completely non religious way and keep your religious ceremonies and how you celebrate completely to yourself

What happens if you invite the son wife and kids out to a restaurant or picnic? You say they never invite you but why don't you invite them I feel all this religious stuff is just getting in the way which makes it the opposite of what religion should be

Jalima1108 has a point, I go to sports to clap and watch my GC play, not to natter on. I don't visit anyone during the games, I just clap and go home after I say "well done".

I would not invite other GPs to our party, I assume they have their own (or not, none of my affair). But neither would I talk about our party in front of others to hurt feelings either.

At the risk of being lambasted I just don't 'get' religion. Surely we are all human beings and as such should be treated with respect and not be excluded for our beliefs. Your grandchildren's other grandparents may just have more family get togethers because it's their daughter and not because of their faith but being part of a US company work wise I know that religion features quite heavily in my colleagues lives (I'm in the UK). I find the whole persecution by religion abhorrent and it has caused nothing but wars and death for centuries. I'm not an atheist - I don't really know what I am. It seems so sad that you have be to an event which should have been a joyous occasion and gone home in such a distressed state. I'm glad that your son at least understands your situation even if he can do nothing to help. I hope you find some solace in most of the response on here

, a post seems to have gone astray.

Anyway. I still think that if May' has a truly loving son then he should want to sort the matter out and make it clear that she is as important in the family as are his wife's family. May should not be abasing herself in the way she is to try and make herself acceptable.

His children, her grandchildren, are half Jewish and have a right to know about that heritage and take a pride in it.

I used to watch their sports events but it got silly, me standing alone there and the kids with their friends and then going home with the other grandparents EVERY time.

Can you just go up to the other DGP at these events and start chatting; surely they wouldn't be so rude as to ignore you?
Although it was quite rude not to invite you to their house after the communion.

Perhaps they felt it would be uncomfortable for you to spend time with them at Christmas if they are very religious, although I do realise it is a time of a celebration for you too.

May1, I wonder if the differences between faiths is more of an issue in the USA than it may be here? Faith is so much more at the centre of life, even politicians have to state their position on abortion etc whereas in the Uk, generally our view is it's a private matter. Alistair Campbell said of Tony Blair "we don't do God".
I don't share the view expressed by some posters that religion is inevitably a Bad Thing. It only becomes a Bad Thing if its oppressive or excludes others.
In my city, the Jewish and Irish immigrants looked out for each other. Both were excluded because of faith and ethnicity. The Catholic Irish kept the fires going on Sabbath so their Jewish neighbours could come home to a hot meal.
When I was a child, there were huge gulfs between Catholic and Protestant families. That's no longer the case generally speaking in the Uk. the current gulfs are between Islamic families and everyone else.
Your grandchildren have a rich culture on both sides of their family. It would be a pity if that isn't acknowledged. x

May1 - Now that you've said you are Jewish it has become clearer.
I know people will say it's racist, or antisemitic or whatever, and it could well be. I converted to Judaism almost 30 years ago, as my husband is a Jew. I didn't realise all the complications at the the time.
We have a Jewish friend who fell in love with a Catholic girl. She converted and they married, but her very religious Catholic Mum refused to come to their wedding. They're now divorced, but halachically their 2 children are Jews. She has custody.
Having seen these things from both sides I know this kind of attitude can be very entrenched even though it's illogical. So can understand to some extent your extreme unhappiness.

Bibbity I am the most careful person in the world. The 2 holidays I share with them are benign ones that Jesus also celebrated.
I never say anything abt school choices. HS is a few years away and to be already saying all other schools aren't good enough is a bit much but I am not asked. she and her mother decide. I think you misunderstand that I am "offended" but I am simply sad and hurt. This group has helped me tremendously feel as if I am of value as a human being.

A friend recently told me when the other grandmother was there as the dad's mother she was always granny no 2 . Her son is lovely but cannot change the situation. I am " lucky " the other granparents live in other countries .but would love my DGC to have closer bonds with them .

And if her son doesn't see a problem?
OP said she collects the DGC from school, activities and see her son for coffee!

That seems a decent amount. What more should they give?!

Children are not timeshares. The family have their own lives to run.

It would be counterproductive to tell DS to "man up" when he feels he is doing his best, imo.

There seems to be a big cultural difference here. There is not, in the UK, this great gulf between Christian and Jew. Jews and Irish (catholics) were equally discriminated against in the UK, it gave us something in common and in the town I went to school only the catholic grammar school would accept Jewish girls who passed the 11+. The CofE school was Christians only.

I think in this situation it is time May1s son manned up and gave his mother the respect she is owed and insists that his mother is as loved and respected in his and his wife's family as her family are. In the end that is the only thing that will solve this very sad problem.

I see. But, why not try and invite them on a day, that is not the Christian holiday, to do the fun bits? Just try and see if they accept, if you invite for an eggy dye and hunt 2 weeks early.

Or, don't they celebrate a holiday mid summer? Have a do with exploding crackers and whatever it is your GC eat at BBQ. Invite them to a get away at a seaside cottage or a Disney place.

As a friendly message I would be very very carelful about pushing a differnt religion or negatively discussing their religion.

Religious choices are the parents. End of.
I am personally an atheist so would like to do away with them all together. I think they're wicked and cause nothing but pain.

But I would never ever go against a parents choice.

Indeed, Jesus was a Jew. Also the Catholic Church was only the first of many Christian Churches. I never read of this Pope advocating to anything but inclusiveness.

Norah
Thanks again.
I do Hanukkah and Passover with them in my home. No, it I am not a part of anything else in their holidays. I asked to be but it wasn't to be. They have a large extended family and fill the holidays with them. I do meet alone with my son once or even twice a month just to be. I only complained years ago about feeling excluded and it made him so miserable I didn't repeat it.
I guess I did all that I should and need to get a grip. I appreciate your comments and all the positive ones so much. I am feeling almost normal now. To reach across the sea to a supportive group has helped a lot. I will come back to this time and again. Sometimes loving others isn't enough, we want so much to be loved back.