feeling lonely and isolated as paternal grandmother

HI Everyone and thank you again. I spoke to almost no one about this except for you all. I am much better now and will move on from this. This has only confirmed my belief we are all one people who can only survive by supporting and honoring each other.
I love my family very much and we can only enrich each other by our differences, is my belief.

I wouldn't talk to the Church body about this issue. Enjoy weekly GC visits and your son.

Idk, York, I don't remember any of my Jewish friends ever calling themselves the "chosen people" or saying non-Jews will "go to hell." That's kind of outdated, I think.

Then again, I never hear any Catholics say it either these days. That priest was wholly out-of-line, imo.

I wouldn't complain to him or to the church about him though. I doubt it will get you anywhere, and it might just make trouble with dil if she gets wind of it. The less focus on religion in this scenario the better.

I think the children not looking at you May, was more likely because they were horrified to hear their grandmother was going to hell.

ultra

Growing up I didn't really have any contact with Jewish people, till I went to work, although I have to say my ulta Catholic parents only imparted positive things about them and their faith. I also don't remember any negative attitude towards the Jewish faith at school, they saved all their hostility for Protestants. The nuns actually told us never go in a Protestant church it was a mortal sin, they then downgraded that a few years later, to "you can go into a C and E Church if you have to, for say a wedding, but do remember God won't be there, he's only in Catholic churches, the one true faith". The older C of E Churches (pre reformation) they deemed were stolen from Catholics for which transgression, they, Protestants, will be consigned to hell and damnation. This was in the sixties, Love and Peace had yet to reach them. I think Catholic schools have lightened up a bit now, and when I've been to church they are positively welcoming of "the others". Sadly not May1's experience.

I'm wondering if the situation arose because it was "first communion". Which involves a Catholic belief which is anathema to Jews.

I should have added that my Husband's young life involving his care by the Catholic church was a bit of a 'curate's egg' which makes me very bitter indeed. But there were many good people too, so I have very mixed feelings.

I am past myself with upset to the Priest and attitude to that one Church. Blame to the other family seems the wrong approach to me. Nobody should have talked about their after gathering in front of you, but I see no other fault to lay at them. Do start going to GSs games, to support him.

As an atheist (originally C.ofE.) married to a practicing Catholic and I have (with one exception)always been treated with friendly respect by the Catholic priest/nuns in the many areas of the UK in which we have lived. Even my husband would agree that my knowledge of the Bible exceeds his, and although he can reel off Latin he has little knowledge of it's translation. What we both agree on and follow are the Christian values of kindness, honesty and respect for others and surely this is what Judaism, and for that matter, many other beliefs value too. I feel so sad for your situation MAY1 and hope the previous posts will help you.

WendyBT , I know. That's why I posted. It wasn't typical and I was hurt. It may just be this order (if that is correct term)? Or my sons family. Sometimes it takes years to accept others or understand or even be aware of how someone different might feel. My next door neighbors growing up were Catholic and I spent many lovely holidays with them and went with them to church at times- I am not making any judgement on anyone. I am coming out of my sadness with this support. Thank you for posting.

This made me sad and also very cross. I am Catholic, the only one in my family and I don't recognise the church you describe. How can they call themselves Christian and be so unwelcoming.

Thank you NannyC1, paddyann, and diddy1, you are all nice people. I appreciate you.

Dont be upset, you have your faith and they have theirs, why cant they accept that. Enjoy your Grandchildren, and do not be ignored in the future, you are a very important Grandmother, being the paternal Grandmother.
Sending you hugs and a bouquet of flowers xx

Lewlew the catholic church and the world is a very different place than it was in the 50's and 60's and thank heavens for that.However although I was raised catholic I nor any of my family was ever discouraged from having friends of different faiths and I was born mid fifties .

I raised my child Catholic as it was her fathers religion. I'm Protestant and I stood next to my daughter when she made her 1st Communion. No problem at all. I recently attended her father in laws Muslim funeral again no problem at all. I feel sorry that the church you attended made you feel as you did. As far as you GS is concerned he is only a child and you can influence him with love.

Thank you star lady, Anya. Lewlew I know there may be an undercurrent but in today's world, we need to stand for each other. I remember those days but today's Pope is an inclusive one. All of you who have taken time to assure me or share your beliefs are such good people. You have no idea what this has meant for someone like me.

TerriBull Mon 08-May-17 17:55:33
Oh I am glad not to have been the only one brought up like this. You created your own 'sins' by lying that you had sins. Job done!!

Their treatment of May1 may also be part of how their parish/priests view the Jewish religion. In my catholic upbringing days we were totally discouraged from having Jewish or Protestant friends. Going into a Jewish home was actually a no-go area in the late 1950s early 1960s. Remembering that makes me cringe.

I grew up as a Catholic and now I don't practice any religion. The way you have been treated is disgusting and very un Christian. The very reason I put all that religious nonsense out of my life. The way you have been treated that family is similar to way they were when I was young. I thought the they had reformed and modernised, that doesn't seem to be the case. You are a very significant grandparent and your Son needs to have a word with the rest of the family. Shame on them for not inviting you back to their house.

"What kind of sins do a 7 year old year old have that they have to 'fess up before they receive communion?" Indeed Lewlew. I made some up because at that age I don't think I did anything too bad, so every week it would be "I've been telling lies and have been disobedient" even if I hadn't, because I had to say something. Now, having not been for years and years, I think I'd start with "where do I begin and how long have you got? " Lets face it we were all fed a load of drivel, when I was being prepared for my First Communion, my class did a trial run with un blessed hosts and we were told to take the wafer on our tongue and swallow without biting, because if we did bite we would be biting Jesus' legs off. Nuns! Batshit bonkers they really shouldn't have been round children

How very uncharitable of them. I thought kindness and compassion towards others was key to everything!

I feel so sorry that you had to go through that. It does seem that paternal grandmothers have less involvement with their grandchildren. DS lives twice as far from me than DIL's parents and they frequently post on FB what they are doing with the grandchildren, whereas I am not invited. My mother always used to quote 'A son is a son until he gets him a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for all of her life'.
I am fortunate in having a lovely daughter and see my DGD and twin DGSs several times a week, but I still miss my 3 DGSs.

Kindness and compassion is to be preferred to organised religion in my book. I have no time for it. Frequently people who go to church are the biggest hypocrites. When our father was dying my sister 'could not help because [she] had to go to church'. That same sister said that I was not fit to be her second son's godmother because I was divorced. Now she has stolen a legacy that our mother left me.

I hope you have friends who appreciate you - it is a sad fact that families cannot always be relied upon and the upset caused by such people is too destructive to cling on to. xxx

May1 said: the sermon made it clear who was going to hell.

What kind of an uplifting message is that for a first communion class of 7-8 year olds to hear???

I see they do not all call it 'confession' here in the UK now, it's called 'reconciliation'. In my day in the US it was done in a dark booth with a curtain and you had to confess every little thing. What kind of sins do a 7 year old have that they must 'fess up' to receive communion?

I lied one time to my mother as I did not want to practice my piano for a full half hour so knocked off 5 mins early and told my mother I was done. The priest would say, for your penance say 5 our fathers and 10 hail marys and go and sin no more.

I am American-born and brought up catholic in schools for 12 years (my dad was a fox-hole convert, my mother thought she wanted to go with her Boston Irish girlfriends into the convent).

Not been in a church for decades... the catholic church has a LOT to answer for concerning child abuse by priests and nuns. My late brother was regularly physically punished in 8th grade in the 1950s for things like talking in class, really! I was luckier, I went to a girls high school after grade school that was taught by a more liberal order and we had several lay teachers.

Still... being told I was going to hell if I took bc pills did it. I was in enough trouble for dating non catholic boys. Why? They just wanted to be sure you were going to keep popping out kids to populate their parishes. At the time I was in school, evidently the catholic church had a lot of freakin' money and real estate. They owned the luxurious Watergate Apartment Complex in DC.

My old high school is gone, closed... lack of students. Churches in parishes are consolidated now. We used to have 4 catholic churches in my New England home town, now there is one and only rotating clergy to officiate at masses.

Good riddance! If a church cannot look after its own in a spirit of generosity and inclusiveness, they don't deserve them. If your DGS's family are so conservatively entrenched and prejudiced, they may end up alienating DGS some day as this is how they will likely behave to his friends.

I also worked for a high-profile Jewish law firm in DC and each Christmas they would give us massive Christmas Party, with presents, which they all attended, and we had all the Jewish hols off as well.

Ultra-conservative leaning sects of religions and closed societies have a lot to answer for. Just keep showing your generous and caring side and your DGS will grow up valuing that and you.

Mazel tov!