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granddaughter leaves with our great-grandson to punish us

(7 Posts)
unclegrandpa Tue 23-May-17 13:55:37

I apologize here for the length of this post. If it does not garner any response, thanks anyway for a place to bear my sorrow.

For the last 3 years we've walked on eggshells for fear our 22 year old bipolar granddaughter would follow through on her threat to take her son away, leave for parts unknown, and further, place him in foster care rather than with us if we contested her ability to parent. Her ability to parent?

Since he was born she's had several jobs, but has refused to buy diapers, milk, contribute to the utilities or rent. She's never gotten up in the night to attend to him or to my knowledge ever change his diaper. But I will not short her the clothes she would buy him for those occasions that she would decide to memorialize with photos. I will not short her attempts at bonding while she was at the beauty shop having her nails done or at some get-together where appearances were the priority. Her intensely attended facebook page is full of pictures that refute any suggestions of a bad parent. In fact his wonderful smile (and hers) suggest a real bond. The real bonding of course (which she may have deviously intended) occurred when we did everything else she was supposed to do.

As you can imagine there have been confrontations, some that start out trivially, occasionally escalating into events we've been amazed that our neighbors have not called the cops for.

The last incident was over a nose piercing her younger sister (she lives with us as well) received as a reward from my wife who took her out to have it done. Apparently our house is not big enough for two people with their noses pierced and accusals of "She's copying me!" were made by the older of the two. As the verbal assaults grew her younger sister told her that this was not her house to which she responded with "No, but I control it!" Ok, we're being tested, it's time to intervene. The response to basically go to your separate corners was a broken kitchen chair and in an attempt to restrain her from doing further damage resulted in her receiving an unintended bloody nose. Amazingly she pulled a phone out of nowhere to photograph her red badge and made a beeline to the bedroom where her son was, to show him and tell him how bad we were and that we were never going to see him again. And then she left.

It's been three days. My wife has had very brief exchanges via text and one voice call but nothing to confirm our great-grandson's well being, she claims to have left him with "someone". We are trying to convince ourselves that he's ok, but the emptiness we feel won't go away until we are certain.
We have thoughts of calling Child Protective Services with recordings of other threats and pictures of other damages, but living in Tx, we are fearful of some of the possible outcomes.

Our love wants the best for the both of them. But our love expressed in deeds and words just do not seem to be enough.

rosesarered Tue 23-May-17 14:20:58

This seems an awful situation for you.I think that you should contact child protection services and tell them the full story.You don't know where the boy is or who is looking after him.Are you a legal guardian for your other granddaughter?
This may give you the connection you need to find out what is happening.
Your GD may just turn up again, but you can't know that she will as she is bipolar and unpredictable.

janeainsworth Tue 23-May-17 14:21:24

grandpa what is special about Texas Child Protection Services that make you fearful?
I am sorry you are going through this, but you must act in the child's best interests.
To me that suggests making a report in confidence to the Protection Services, if your GD has a history of violent and unstable behaviour.

Smileless2012 Tue 23-May-17 15:10:59

I can only reiterate what rosesarered and janeainsworth have said grandpa.

I am so sorry, you must be at your wits end with worry. Please let us know how things goflowers.

Juney64 Tue 23-May-17 15:36:13

grandpa from what you've described, your GD doesn't sound reliable enough to make responsible choices for her child.

The safety of the little one must come first. You are in the situation and only you will truly know if the child may be in danger. If you feel that s/he is - you should contact protective services. Imagine how you would feel if something happened and you'd done nothing.

What an awful dilemma for you. I hope you are able to find a resolution.

Norah Tue 23-May-17 15:42:35

I am sorry. You must be bereft with worry. Does Texas have a scheme for fostering?

NfkDumpling Tue 23-May-17 15:47:32

Has she been officially diagnosed as bi-polar? And would her sister or the neighbours back you as witness to her mental instability? As has been said the child's safety is paramount.