my grandaughter

Lots of sound advice as usual so I will not repeat it! However I was struck by you referring to your 21 yr old granddaughter as a 'child'! She is certainly not a child but an adult of whom society has certain expectations. I switched from using the term 'child' to 'young person' from early teens with mine and I think it was good for our relationship development and acknowledged their changing sense of self. I may be wide of the mark but is there a possibility that your g'daughter is acting as a child here?

Really awful for you Eileen66, and threatening you is just dreadful. You are obviously and justifiably so upset. Are her parents around to help you sort this out?

Children steal for all sorts of reasons. I stole sixpence from my mother when she had confiscated the packet of silver cake decorating balls I was playing with and dropping on the floor, to buy myself a new packet. I had a son steal from me in his early teenage years, his school friends had a lot more money than he did and he wanted to keep up. I found £5 had disappeared from my purse and told the children there would be no TV or any treats from any of them until it was returned, and that if it wasn't back in 24 hours I would go to the police. I would have done too, in those days the police were more prepared to help out with wayward children. With about an hour to go, it reappeared in my purse.

Later when my father was nearing the end of his life, my son admitted he had stolen from Grandad too, and wanted to confess. Grandad always thought the world of him, and I thought it wrong to for my son to upset him in his last few days, and told him to keep quiet about it, he would have to live with it. After a breakdown, he is now a son I am extremely proud of, they do grow up!

Being threatened is much more serious. You cannot ignore this and need some help locally, from the police if need be. Girls and young women today can be just as violent as boys plus an extra nastiness. Until you have had advice I suggest you should avoid her and on no account let her into your home. Your safety is paramount.

Mother or father... Sorry

What did she steal Eileen ? did you see her?
And what has she threatened you with and on what sort of occasion Is it when you ve said no to her There's still not much to go on ....Is it something valuable or a lot of money if so go to the police if it's the act itself but not the value can you talk to her is she approachable? Does she visit often? has anything like this happened before ? Has she a man ther of father you can talk to? But be VERY VERY careful you have got you're facts correct as there would be no turning back if you accuse her and there's any doubt at all

So sorry for this,interested in how she threatened you and why.
We have(had) a friend who always stole from us at any chance-but was so plausible that no-one could believe it.She stole from so many people and we later found it out.Still find it hard to believe
We have found money several times -once when really broke found £40 just outside small supermarket,no-one there but went back in to see an elderly man frantically searching his pockets he looked so amazed when I gave it back to him.I can not understand your granddaughter and only hope things improve for you as you must feel so hurt.
Unfortunately there are always dishonest people -but many good ones too.

Have just read your update...have nothing more to do with her.

Ask her...if she denies it accept it... but hide your purse next time she comes...and if poss lock your bedroom door. You could have made a mistake....on the other hand stealing from your gran is dispicable and i'm sorry to say may mean it's for drugs.

if she's threatened you I'd stop having anything to do with her altogether and tell the police. That's completely different.

So sorry your trust has been violated like this. I would have to ask her why, she might need help.

eileen68. I think the solution is not to let her come to the house again. Meet her in public places like a cafe and if she asks why, tell her.

First time I shoplifted my Mum took me straight to the police station.

...that was when a policeman could give wayward children a good talking to (and it worked!).

The OP has given an update and is clearly very upset.
Eileen66 you say your GD has threatened you and this makes this all very much more serious.I feel you must share this with some one else and get support and perhaps advice. I hope you get this sorted my thoughts are with please keep yourself safe.

The OP (*Eileen*)has replied.

(Violette the OP gave her GD £10 before she knew the girl had stlen anything).

A lady I know told me that when she was a child she stole 50p from her grandmother, unaware that her GM saw her doing it. Her GM took the 50p then said " My dear, you must be in dire need if you are stealing from me ". She pressed the coin into her hand and folded her fingers tightly over it, and never said anything about it again. This lady still has the coin and has never taken anything that isn't hers ever again--she felt so ashamed of herself.

I thought eileen66 said it was £10 ? ....first ask directly the question 'did you take/steal/borrow £10 from my purse ? She will probably deny it. SO ...as a test next time she visits you leave your purse in sight ....no money in it (or maybe some loose change so it feels normal) put a note in it ....sorry, no money this time ...no money kept in the house any longer, as someone is stealing it ......see what happens ! This could lead to other things, so please be careful. If she is prone to anger or violence lock the doors and do not let her in ...you can never be too careful ! may sound extreme, but may be what is needed. Good luck

I ll reserve judgement until OP comes back with more information her original post was very sketchy we don't know what was taken or even if it definitely was taken Could she has misplaced something or had less money in her purse than she thought she had Did she see her steal? has there been anyone else visit?Is she close to this grandaughter or did she just pop in on a one off ? is it her father who just gone to US Lots of questions let's see if we get some more meat on the bone before jumping to the gallows

my granddaughter stole from me , yes i am 100% it was her , I did not misplace it; There wa only me and her in the house , she is not on drugs , resides with her boyfriend and his family , she also has threatened me , My son who went to the US, is not her father. , i am 66 and i trusted her , I did not misplace it , thank you all for your messages
Eileen

Sad but another sign of our changing times? It does need to be tackled otherwise you will never feel relaxed in her company again.

Just what I was thinking Exaltedwombat the OP has not offered a clue as to what was actually stolen which could be anything from a cake to millions of pounds worth of jewellery .

'Adult Financial Abuse'. Good God! What's with this mania for putting labels on things? Like parents who aren't so much concerned about sorting out their kids' bad behaviour as long as they get a 'diagnosis'.

Some of us are running a LONG way with this from very limited information! What was stolen?

Perhaps eileen66 could return and give us a bit more information?

franjess2000. There may not have been a theft so your suggestions are somewhat harsh. My Mother was convinced the cleaner had stolen her pearls, until she found them in a cardigan pocket. Once an accusation has been made it cannot be retracted, and I for one would never think the same about a family member after such things have been said. Some on here have good reason not to trust as they have experienced the terrible things that drug addiction can lead sufferers to, but I don't think we should automatically think the worst. Yes, stealing is awful, but facts need to be established first.