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Advice Please

(10 Posts)
SadGramma16 Fri 18-Aug-17 00:10:06

This is my first post so please bear with me. My daughter and my two granddaughters, ages 12 and 8 live about 3 hours from me. I go see them at least once a month and they are the joy of my life. Last time I visited my daughter blurted out that her live in boyfriend, he's 46, she's 36 had gotten drunk one night and ended up sleeping in the 12 year olds bed with her. My granddaughter woke up, saw him and went to sleep with her sister. Why would a grown man find his way into a young girl's bedroom and not his own? Anyway I called my ex (their grandfather) who lives nearby and asked if he would keep an eye on our granddaughter. Instead of doing that he goes to our daughter (mom) and makes up this big story about me lying about the incident. Now my daughter has cut off contact and knowing her I may never see my girls again. I'm heartbroken and worry about both girls because this man is an alcoholic and my daughter sticks up for him vs taking care of her children. She thought nothing about what he did. On top of all of this these girls lost their biological father over a year ago in an auto accident. I'm lost. I don't know if there is anything I can do to convince her to let me see them. Any advice please

PamelaJ1 Fri 18-Aug-17 08:01:35

Your story is very sad, I don't really have any advice except suggesting you speak to the children's other grandparents.
As this is your first post and you may not have come across the thread that warns us that posts do sometimes appear on Face book. Do be careful about revealing too many personal details that mean you may be recognised.
See the thread-GNHQ please make it clear these forums are public

f77ms Fri 18-Aug-17 08:13:23

Sad Gramma , If I found out that an alcoholic 46 yr old man had got into bed with my 12 yr old GD I would contact the police or social services . If your daughter is OK with it then your GDs really need you to step in on their behalf .

PamelaJ1 Fri 18-Aug-17 08:21:49

F77ms, it doesn't seem as though her daughter isOK with it.

Anya Fri 18-Aug-17 08:44:21

This is very worrying. Just the fact that he is alcoholic in the same house as 2 young children, not his own, is bad enough.

I think you have to bite the bullet and go and see your daughter. That visit could go either way, be prepared for that, but go more in sadness than in anger and thread carefully.

If you are able to talk to your daughter about the incident and she is willing to listen then we'll and good. If she completely backs this man and wants you gone then you know what your next step is - contacting social services.

What kind of children are you GDs? Are they quite strong minded and confident?

PamelaJ1 Sat 19-Aug-17 08:18:49

Do you think I scared theOP with my warning about Facebook? I was only trying to be helpful.

Anya Sat 19-Aug-17 08:22:58


f77ms Sat 19-Aug-17 08:24:02

Pamela The op says that her Daughter "thought nothing of it " and sticks up for him over the girls . Why do you say that it doesn't seem that her DD is OK with it ?

PamelaJ1 Sat 19-Aug-17 15:02:17

Sorry, the first time I read the post I thought you were saying that the D was Ok with the granny going to the social services. Now I've re read it again I understand you were saying that she was OK with his behaviour.

Starlady Sat 19-Aug-17 15:29:44

My heart goes out to you, SadGramma! It's possible that this co is only temporary while dd calms down. But the situation sounds worrying enough that you may want to contact social services. Please realize that this MIGHT end up with the girls being taken away from her. But if it doesn't - and if she finds out/suspects you're the one who reported her and her bf, she MIGHT co you for a very long time. But, imo, it's worth the risk if those children aren't really safe. You need to give this some serious thought. (((Hugs)))