Granddaughter wants to live with me !

I agree. Do it. Make sure you get the child allowance. You won't be sorry but make sure you lay down the ground rules (teenager) how lovely you must be if she would rather be with you
Best of luck. X

Yes we have our grandaughter living with us only under more tragic circumstances. She was six and was with us fortunately at the time of our sons death.sounds harsh but she did not witness his murder.
She never went back home. We have a special guardianship she is now 16 nearly 17.
Perhaps you can speak to the parents and sort things out. I would certainly do it.

Well it worked extremely well for me and didn't spoil my relationship with mum and dad at all I think they were grateful that I wanted to be with Nan she was only 63 and heartbroken at losing my grandad I stayed till I left home at 18 I moved around the world and by the time Nan was in her 80 s I was back in my home town and spent a few years visiting every day until she started falling, then I took her to live with me (by now she had dementia ) and I had three children it wasn't easy to help her but I just about managed until she died 3 years later
I ve no idea if my parents gave Nan any money for me probably not as we were all very working class with not a lot but I m very glad I had those three years living with my Nan

l have same issue, except its my 14 year old grandson, who wants to move in with me. at present he stays most nights during the holidays, term time will be back to weekends only. he has to share a room with his 5 year old brother, who sings in his sleep & has frequent nightmares, so he doesn't get enough sleep.

"My granddaughter has requested to come and live with me due to overcrowding at home ."

"She's a delightful 14 year old , living out in the sticks until they can return to town. A 5th baby is due at Christmas and I think she needs some space to be a 14 year old! ( she's the oldest )"

Your posts provoked so many questions in me:

Are her parents aware of the request?

Is it overcrowded?

Why are they living in the sticks? How long have they been there? How far is it from your granddaughter's friends and school?

What has to happen for them to return to town? How likely is it? Is there a timetable?

As the oldest child, is she being expected to care for her younger siblings? Is there a large age-gap?

I have a dear childhood friend who was nine years older than her youngest sister and who ended up doing all the work that a nursemaid, had one been available in the 1950s would have done. I also had a less close friend who was the eldest of a family of 22, Both of these girls would readily have jumped at the chance of getting away from being their younger siblings' nursemaid. So I understand your GDs request and your willingness to have her live with you.

In the west of Scotland when I was growing up, the eldest grandchild frequently lived with a grandmother and it didn't seem to affect their relationship either to their parents or siblings.

As the others say, give it a trial period, if her parents consent - without that you can't do anything until she is 16 as far as I know.

She is old enough to want to be an adult, if treated like one, so have a frank talk with her about chores, when she has to be home at night, going out with boys!, smoking - it's an endless list, and remember too that however grown up she feels she is, half the time she is still a little girl, taking her teddy to bed. (And long may that last). If she moves in with you, a frank talk about sex is indicated too. They don't know everything at that age, even although they say they do. (Said the retired school mistress!)

These last 2 posts are inaccurate. Should your DGD become your formal responsibility, there will be benefits to be sorted out; but it sounds as if you are a very long way from that.

As for why there is another child on the way:

1. OP has not shared sensitive family information with us
2. Since I trained as a midwife in 1972, the rate of unplanned pregnancies has remained consistent at about 50%.

Dependent on her stillgoong to same school of course

Do not worry about money.

You will receive about £400 a month in child benefit and child tax credit.

Do it!

Maybe let her stay at weekends and school holidays to see how the arrangement works out ...is it just overcrowding or the teenage hormones kicking in. If she can still attend the same school it would probably work out ok but another school could be a problem if she does,nt settle in easily and misses her old friends. Lots of thought needed before you come to a decision on this.

Tiredoldwoman - my grandson is coming up to 16 and sometimes stays the night for a break as he hasn't got his own room and enjoys a bit space when he stays. I only have a small house and the spare room is tiny. Sometimes he has said if I had more room he would come and live with me but to be honest I'd find that hard after many years on my own, though he is a really nice kid(especially for a teenager!) I find I do spend more though on food when he stays but it's not a problem. But, I'd give it my consideration if I were you.

Good question Eileen666! If your daughter is unhappy about this, you don't want it to cause a rift between you. I am of the opinion that, unless you are in danger, teenagers need to live within their family unit as there is a lot to learn about family life and the problems you face. Running away from problems is rarely a good idea. However, if all parties are happy, as long as you are all singing from the same hymn sheet, financially you would received the child benefit and child tax credits if she officially lives with you but get advice from CAB first.

Grab the opportunity with open arms! The finances will sort themselves out. Be grateful she loves you enough to come to you. You must be her santuary and place of safety, in her mind x Good luck

Sorry if I'm just being oblivious but do you have the consent of her parents?

Because regardless of what you or she wants nothing at all will progress unless they agree.

Can I please ask a perfectly simple question "Why the Hell are they having another child if the place they live in is OVER-CROWDED". Solution don't have any more children till you solve your housing problem then they wouldn't have the problem in the first place, would they?

I would do it if I were you. She needs space and will be doing her exams before too long and will need peace too. My teenage granddaughters live an hour away, lead busy social lives and we have grown a little apart which saddens me.

She is delightful 14 year old now, soon she will be 16, when she may become rather different. I spent a fair bit of time rounding my teenage kids up of an evening, 11 ish was 'where are they time' will you be ready for that?

Her parents must remain responsible for her upkeep and welfare, if she needs a dental appt, will you be taking time off work for that?

I stayed with my granny every weekend from 11 until about 15, when I started work, it was fabulous.

Is she just dreaming, or is it a serious request? Such arrangements are not uncommon. How close are you? Would she continue at the same school?

I.v dun it still am
sort the ground rules out first thing .
all the best

I certainly think you should give it a trial period. Plan for her to stay for a month and then see how you both feel about it. Be totally honest with her from the start - either you or she can decide that it isn't for the best and nobody need feel bad about it and you'll love her just the same.

After that, if you are both happy then you can make some more permanent arrangements with her parents re costs etc. It could be a lovely experience for you both.

I would do it in a flash! She's looking for love and time, not money. I'm sure her parents will help you out with some of the costs. Do it for her, it will do you good too and bring you very close. She's still very young, and you still have a chance to give her a helping hand into adult life. Bless you both, and good luck!

I would worry it would harm your GD's relationship with her siblings and parents.

I too would discuss a trial period.
Firstly a shortish time, 2-3 weeks (include a weekend at least)
Then maybe a longer period (half a term?) and build in time off for you.

Obviously you'll need some basic rules, and make the point that you may need to discuss some things with her parents before you can answer. I would also be very clear about her chores and responsibilities in your home. It may help to talk some over, then revisit after the first trial period.

I imagine she will still be going home a lot, and will be the responsibility of her parents.

As long as it is kept informal, parents retain responsibility, any financial arrangement is purely expenses, then you can keep it informal. It would be a good idea to let school know 'she's staying with me for awhile', emphasising its temporary nature.

I think we'd all like to know how you get on - I too have known it work extremely well. Grand-daughter gets space, the benefit of your wisdom, learns some skills, and you get a young companion!

Thanks everyone ( CassieJ especially). I'm still wide eyed about the request- lots to find out, think about, discuss !
It's most likely a flash in the pan idea - I'll let you know !
Have a good weekend everyone . x .

I knew someone who did this for similar reasons, they were very happy with the arrangements but I have to say that finance was not an issue. Her parents should be able to contribute to her keep as obviously their bills will go down a bit. I would offer a trial basis, just to see how things pan out - say one term? I assume she will be staying at the same school, otherwise exam studying would be disrupted at this stage? It is a big commitment though, and my friend did end up running a taxi service!