Worried about possible autism

Both my DGS are on the spectrum. Both were early talkers, walked normally and had no problem with eye contact. One, however has incredible meltdowns if everything isn't in order, from quite an early age. The other was absolutely fine until Reception class in school but now has intense interests in particular subjects and his conversation tends to reflect thus, which has made it difficult for him socially. While I'm a great believer in early diagnosis for lots of things, I'm with those in here who say keep a record of behaviour that concerns you and watch how he develops. The downside to early labelling is that people's expectations sometimes change.
As soon as they decided that DGS2 was on the spectrum the teachers (and his mum) used that as an excuse for him not making progress. So he went into school and was assessed as very bright with an excellent vocabulary. At the end of Year R and Y1 he was well behind where he should have been, knowing few letter sounds either to read or to write. In the end I had to step in and teach him myself.

Perhaps we all have a little autism in us and it might manifest at certain times in our life just for short periods.

My GS was diagnosed with Aspergers at 7 after problems at school and meltdowns at home. He was taken out of school one day each week and went to a centre where he was taught how to cope and socialise. He went on to do very well and graduated from Cambridge. It wasn't until GS was diagnosed that my son, his father, realised that he too was autistic. I'd always known that he was " different " but put it down to his being of very high I.Q. When I read up on the symptoms of autism, generally unknown all those years ago, I realised that there were signs going back to pre birth. He seldom moved in the womb, he never cried to be fed, he never looked at me when breast feeding and was a very reluctant feeder. He didn't say a single word until he was three and then started talking fluently as soon as he went to play group. He made no friends at primary or junior school, none until he was put into an express stream at a grammar school where he was with other extremely clever children and bonded with them. I wish I'd known about autism way back then. As it was, I always thought that he was as he was because I'd been a useless mother and failed to bond with my baby. Now I realise that this is a trait that has passed down the male line of the family and that my OH is almost certainly autistic as well. It explains a lot but doesn't make him any easier to live with!

DS2 was diagnosed with 'mild autism' when he was eleven. This after a very long journey for him and us, badgering for a referral from when he was 8 - we knew something was not right when he was a toddler - he would hide / run away from crowded / busy situations. I could NEVER sit down and have a cup of coffee at a mum's gathering - he always wanted to be 'out of' the crowd. He walked on tiptoes, avoided eye contact, wet the bed at night until he was past seven years, didn't cope at school socially, couldn't sit and engage at family mealtimes, would physically shake with nerves just packing his bag for school in the morning ... There were many, many signs. Initially it was a case of 'Don't believe you / you are over-anxious parents' then, what have YOU done wrong, before proper investigation.

We learned that he is very sensitive to noise - even the clatter of cutlery at a family meal-time was / is hard for him. His senses are very acute so smell, touch, taste etc. are all affected. He approaches life with a very busy - very intelligent mind, but very stressed by 'normal' life. So, like the apparently serene swan, he is paddling furiously just to stay afloat and he tires quickly.

Despite his diagnosis, he was never offered any further support re building social skills - it seems he had this 'label' from the authorities and that was all. He now suffers anxiety and depression that impact on him being able to sustain full-time employment.

For years I was made to question my own parenting. The fact that we had three other healthy, happy children made me able to believe I was not a terrible parent, but it has been a hard road. I think we have had to be 'pushy' parents along the way - and now, given the dire state of mental health support, we continue to have to jump up and down to get things moving for him ... Grrrr.

My little granddaughter showed signs of autism very early. She was quite indifferent to people. As an infant I would carry her about while I played with her one year old brother and, although she always watched what was going on, she never became excited by anything we did. When she started to walk (13 months) she would find little nooks to squeeze into alone and away from the world - a trait of autism. When she found herself in a situation which overwhelmed her she would cover her ears and close her eyes. She is now eight years old, extremely intelligent and in mainstream school but she still spends a lot of time in her own little world and is completely oblivious to other people unless they matter to her.
It is true that autism is talked about a lot now and the word comes up a lot when a child has issues. But the fact is that there is more of it about than was at first realised.

and even if he is diagnosed as autistic at a later date, he will still be your grandson and you will still love him just the same, I promise you.

We were unaware that there was anything 'wrong' with our youngest until a nursery teacher pointed it out to us. It was the most upsetting time of our lives the way we were treated when we discovered that he was not reaching the standards that everyone else in this world sets.

He does have problems for sure, and is on the autistic spectrum but we are still no further on how far in that spectrum he is. He is now nineteen.

From my experience, leave well alone with suspicions and just be there for them all if it turns out he does indeed require help in life. Be kind. Be helpful. Be there. xx

Really the problem with GS1 is that in spite of being diagnosed with ASD and ADHD he keeps up with the school work and does very well with some things. The school is happy with this but we wonder what he could achieve if he could actually focus.

I remember my GS how he would sit hours filling a bucket with pebbles and as you say blanking out adults. He is now a teenager and has lots of friends but still hardly speaks to us or to his aunts and uncles.
When he does speak it is usually when he has somethng important to say and his vocabulary is good and if not, he is quiet.
We all speak English but German is our family language.
When DD1 was about 9 they said her written German was not good enough and we changed over. Children here are used to other languages being spoken and experience it every year on holiday. 2 languages does not cause autism and even autistic tendences fade away as a child develops or it has really been diagnosed and can be dealt with.
I can understad your being worried about it.

Thanks again for all the replies, truly heartwarming! Makes me realise how we all have our own little quirks and personalities, and who's to say what 'normal' really is!
Vive la difference! Que sera sera, and DGS will be loved for the little chap he is!

I am still unsure about this issue of an actual increase in cases of autism or if it is down to a much better recognition of the condition .
At one time many children with what we see now as autism was just put down as "educationally subnormal."

www.parents.com/health/autism/history-of-autism/

I had the same worries about my grandson. Suffice to say all my worries were in vain. He has changed completely and is now a budding rugby player, loves school and doing very well.

Nelliemoser - thanks for the very interesting link

All of my DGS's are on the spectrum. GS1 was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome when he was in Reception class age 5. My GS2 was diagnosed as Autistic at age 6. GS3 age 4 has no formal diagnosis as yet, but is so like his oldest brother that we are in no doubt he is an Aspie. They are all very intelligent, but we're failing in school as the teachers had no idea how to teach them, or deal with their sensory overload. My DD took them out of school and educates them at home. They are doing really well now, youngest grandson is learning to read even though his speech is not exactly understandable. All lovely boys, I adore them.

deedah my AD hwas disgnosed with adult ADHD not long ago; I remember being bemused and troubled by her inability to focus when at school, and it continues to be a problem, though she is seeing a specialist who has tried her on various drugs to try to help.

Did you see Rory Bremner's documentary on ADHD devongirl ? I know he said he didn't feel like himself when he was on medication. The trouble with GS1 is that he's such a one off that I would hate to lose too many of the qualities that make him special.

I don't know what to say as it is quite early in your Grandsons development but my Grandson has Autism and all I can say is don't worry , it is something to adjust your world to but he can grow up happy , whole and still reach his HUGE amount of potential within him

Just enjoy him and you will adapt if he does receive a diagnoses of Autism but he is still gifted and an absolute treasure and that will never change xx

I embrace my Grandsons Autism as part of who he is and just try and help him with his anxieties etc together , side by side , and glad he has you on his 'team' x

We are all on the spectrum we need to get out of this habit of trying to put everyone in labeled boxes unless it is very severe and needing professional intervention please enjoy your little ones for what and who they are enjoy their individuality and little oddities surely that's what makes us all interesting ( or not) accept the differenences and for goodness sake stay away from medication unless truely necessary We are hellbent on destroying personalities in the quest to be 'normal'
I d never heard of autism, Asperger or ADHD when I was growing up but they must have all existed but they were accepted as just peoples differences or eccentricities

I m not in any way decrying professional help if a child is struggling or severely impaired just saying don't look for it in every little milestone or difference

Well said, Bluebelle.

and nannynoo.

The reason you didn't hear about children with ASD BlueBelle is because they were frequently in special schools and institutions, whereas now they are in mainstream schools.
I can think of children I taught who clearly had ADHD and who would have benefited hugely from specialist support and treatment had it been available.
It is not a "label" it is a diagnosis.
The parents of autistic children in the past, had a desperate struggle to be taken seriously and to get the condition recognised.
As the grandparent of an autistic child, I find this minimising of it as a "quirk" or an "eccentricity" quite upsetting, frankly. I see at first hand how hard life is for my grandchild and his parents, as I know others do on here.
Reading Steve Silberman's book on Neurotribes might encourage a little more understanding.

Not having a formal diagnosis isn't automatically a problem and having a formal diagnosis isn't automatically a help. I'm not speaking from a position of ignorance. My entire adult life has been spent in the company of Aspies (their own term). Tolerance of quirkiness and eccentricity helps enormously. One also needs a certain toughness.

I think the point is Baggs is that it really is a spectrum. If you met my grandson you might think at first sight that he is just a bit "quirky". What that actually represents is hours of work by his parents and his therapist to support him in developing appropriate strategies for communication and social integration. You will not have seen the huge amount of support, the rehearsal of strategies, the setbacks, the frustrations and the melt-downs.
In the UK, with good support for special needs, a formal diagnosis is not always necessary. Where my family lives they would have nothing in place at all without a medical diagnosis and support from the Asperger's Association.
I would not suggest the need for formal diagnosis of a very young child for what might only be developmental anomolies and probably not without the triad of difficulties being apparent.
I would keep notes, watch and wait.

? (in lieu of a 'like' button, mamie).

You ve misunderstood me Mamie I too have experience within my family I am far from ignorant of the spectrum and I also fully agree that it is bloody hard work and full on dedication for a parent to work with their child to help them learn how to process and live in this big bad old world, if it doesn't come naturally and well done your family Also in no way am I saying children who are serverely effected shouldn't be professionally helped (I did say that in my post) but there seems to be a need now to find every small difference and label the child and that's what I take issue with If a child is shy, hesitant or enjoys only one subject they are ' autistic' if a child has low concentration and needs physical instead of achedemic work they are
ADHD This dilutes the real problems some children face

I d be really interested in which country you are talking about where you say there would be no help apart from medical help ?