It goes on and on...

Totally understand why you want the truth to come out, nannynoo. It's for gs' benefit, nothing else.

But, imo, the social workers are right about your needing to "get on with your daughter," right now. If she does get him back and you want to keep up a relationship with him, you will have to have a pleasant relationship with her, too. If you don't, she could easily cut you out of his life. Don't count on her to care about the close connection you have with him or how he might feel about it.

Tell the sws what you feel you must, but let them handle any problems. Please don't tell her what she should/shouldn't do or get in any arguments with her now or if gs goes to live with her.

Good luck with the guardian on monday, hope it goes well. Maybe write things down as a reminder of what you want to say, you wont forget anything important. S/he will look to see how you and your grandson interact and should,depending on his age, talk to him too. It shouldn't be stressfull, they are professionals so hope it isnt as bad as you might think.
Remember this person is representing his best interests and the assessment will be based on his wellbeing. Most i portant, remain calm. Good luck.

nannynoo really glad you have reported DD to the RSPCA , it was the right thing to do regardless of the fallout . DD is obviously incapable of looking after a child if this is the way she treats an animal , I do hope you are successful in keeping your GS safe and away from her , it is heartbreaking to think he could be returned into an abusive environment xx

This isn't me 'hoping she fails' it's hoping the truth comes out so that there is no risk at all of little man coming to any harm

Thank you so much , all I can do now is watch and wait and keep things as normal as possible for my Grandson

It is worrying that things are trundling ahead now when my daughter has only been clean of alcohol ( IF what she is saying is true ) for just 3 months now so that is WAY too early to be talking about reunification imo , yet because it is going to court it seems it is a possibility now even with only 3 months of 'sobriety' and no real and lasting change

So this 'space' between now and the final hearing I am just going to carry on doing what I am doing and 'wait and see' if the truth comes out naturally as I hope it does and it usually does sooner or later - I just have to hope that it all comes out sooner RATHER than later ie too late for little man , so am going to 'watch and wait' and apparently it is usually when the heat is off that things / the real truth comes out as she is not fighting to keep a lid on it and be on her best behaviours etc and feels she has 'won' and is in control

Have been told that is when the truth comes out , maybe she thinks nothing is going to stop her so she can do what she wants without it ever being detected

Tbh I don't think it will take any or much effort on my part for the truth to come out , that will happen naturally one day , so I can just concentrate on little man and myself xx

It is a stressful time and I will still be getting myself some support though just to help me through it all as it could possibly be set to become much tougher when the truth is actually revealed! x

nannynoo you have always had your grandsons best interests at heart. Stay strong, he needs you. I pray you will be able to keep him safe. ?

I can't cope with the 'get counselling to prepare yourself for if he goes home'' right now!!

Knowing my daughter I knew she would try and get him back this way but yet I was still hoping it would be by getting a genuine recovery

It is not hoping she fails it is hoping the charade cannot be kept up indefinitely

I have a very strong feeling she lied to the RSPCA if I go on what she said , so it is my word against hers , as with everything else to be honest but I still hope the truth comes out in time for little man and I hope to God her dog is not still being abused!

Oh and get counselling to prepare for it

Both of the social workers have said I need to get on with my daughter in case she gets him back

Anyway it is not over till the fat lady sings and I am NOT GIVING UP!!!!!!!!!

Serkeen , my daughter says ''she is fine and does not need help''

The social worker visited today and said she feels I have to prepare myself for the possibility he MAY go home as they do not know which way it is going to go...

The thought depressed me and I cannot say it doesn't

I told her I just want him to be happy wherever he is and that is the truth - I would cry and miss him GREATLY BUT it's the horrible cloud of WORRY on top of that which would make it unbearable!

Sometimes I feel like giving up because the courts are all for reunification with the birth parent and because of the way my daughter is fighting this battle with lies and a cover up and yet seemingly winning

I hope they listen to the guardian who may be the only hope little man and I have got!!

Why 'risk' it with a child with Autism who cannot even SAY if something bad happens to him?

The hair strand test results are not back yet and apparently the longer it takes means they have to look into it in more detail if they find something , so the quicker the better for the person being tested as if clear the results come back sooner , but we'll see

The social worker said my daughter has been bringing up stuff about my past to her and I knew she would do that ( playing dirty lol )

She is denying her boyfriend LIVES with her when he 100% does so all these ruddy LIES are concerning ie he was not smoking skunk on the day on my Grandsons party when he clearly was and now he is not living with her when he clearly is and has nowhere else to live so WHAT IS SHE HIDING and why???

Why not just COME CLEAN?!!

I hope and pray that the truth comes out IN TIME TO LITERALLY SAVE LITTLE MAN

God knows what will happen to him otherwise and I will have no control over what she does / they do with him or how she AND he treats him!!

He is not her PROPERTY

I know she cannot parent him properly but if deemed fit enough by the judge who was already NOT going to do a hair strand test as he obviously believed she was fully clean that is WORRYING yet am so glad I submitted my evidence in order for him to order it be done

I have a feeling she LIED TO THE RSPCA as well as she said they are fine with her and she just promised to stop rubbing her dogs nose in her poo but THAT WAS NOT THE ISSUE

I have a strong feeling she lied about shutting the dog in the drawer and if they both denied it then I look like the vengeful Grandmother who made it up to blacken her name because I am against her!!!

Who is fighting clean here? Who has NOTHING TO HIDE? Who is lying over and over and will lie to the judges face and already has to get her son back?

It is SO concerning but no one seems to be listening apart from the guardian who is visiting us on Monday

I hope my daughter does not pull the wool over her eyes as she has to visit her too and she 'presents' herself SO well , well enough to fool a judge , the RSPCA and most of the family who will see it as a 'happy ending' if he is returned!

The social worker says she feels I should get some support not because the court process is stressful but to prepare for the fact that he might go home

I even feel I may have to do that and have been grieving a bit already due to that 'fact' but every fibre of my being does not want to ( and for ruddy GOOD REASON! )

That phone call from the guardian sounds encouraging, nannynoo.
Don't let your daughter's irrational attitude upset you. You're doing a great job of looking after your grandson.

Totally agree.. your battle right now is to save the boy from a terrible life.

Don't worry about being the bady simply because you are NOT, you GS would not agree that you are the badly and he matters far more..

Would your daughter consider joining an AA organisation, they are a GOD send for people that are addicts

Plus the truth to come out as my daughters deception plus treating me like the baddy is hurting me

I do feel she will always say I ''stole her son'' though until she get's the proper help and takes responsibility for herself , until then I will always be the baddy but at least I won't have to hear it / deal with it so much as contact will be reduced once little man has permanency , she can take me to court once a year so I have to be prepared for that but she has to prove there has been significant change and the judge is reluctant to move the child if they have been settled for many years tbh , not sure the stress will ever end unless she 'comes clean' as we will always have to see her and have avenues of contact open to organise the contact itself but the stress will still be much less than it is right now and I do not have to answer the phone and her messages etc as tbh both me and little man need to settle and feel secure again!

I want that feeling of security and being relaxed back , for both of us!!

We went for a lovely little walk with the dog , we bumped into one of the little girls he used to play with , she asked if he was 'with me' now but I didn't know what to say but it was still nice and familiar to see her and the whole walk reminded me of how things used to be when he first moved in , going for walks with the dog without a care in the world and funnily enough his placement felt secure then and we were both happy and secure

I forgot it used to be / feel like that and it was a lovely feeling , without a care in the world , no cloud of uncertainty hanging over us and funnily enough I thought it would be temporary back then but further in ie 2 years later with no REAL change on my daughters part ( not inner changes ) I feel we NEED security and to settle again properly and to be able to walk down the road without a care in the world again x

Far North she resents me because I get to do all the fun stuff with him that she wants to do and I understand that but you have to put the hard work in to get the fun stuff and you also need tons of patience and empathy , some things she has demonstrated by the treatment of her poor little dog that she has not got

She seems to think it is my fault she has not got her son back because I am ''holding on to him'' and she thinks I should have no concerns about her ( or turn a blind eye to any ) so if I report her I am a 'traitor'

I will be notifying the sw if contact becomes too difficult or hostile

The guardian contacted me today and they have appointed this new one who sounds lovely on the phone , very rational and clear and she WANTS to know my concerns and she is coming to visit us on Monday

I do not want to get too optimistic but there are 4 people here who want little man to remain with me 1/ The SW and child protection dept 2/ The guardian by the sounds of it 3/ Me and 4/ Little man himself!! ... The ONLY one pushing for his return is my daughter but it was nice that the guardian reminded me today that if the authorities had no concerns about my Grandson they would not be taking her to court , they would just hand him over , especially as she still has parental responsibility , it would make things easier and cheaper but they would not be doing their jobs properly if they did that and their solicitor is gathering evidence for the reasons NOT to return him as they have concerns as well , the guardian wants to know where HE wants to stay and what will be best for him , my solicitor will be evidencing how much better off he will be with me permanently and so it is only one person in court with their solicitor who is actually going against 3 other authorities including child protection themselves who have a duty to protect the child!

The judge said the only reason a care order was not granted was because my daughter promised not to remove him! I was thinking it was because he wanted my Grandson returned but that is not the case and the main person here is my Grandson and HE gets to have a say now and I am SO happy about that because why would he start wetting himself when his Mum told him he has his room at her house now?

The guardian will be taking things like that into account plus the fact that he only stopped wetting himself over the 6 weeks school holidays when he had less contact and was more settled and his anxiety reduced!

Beginning to think I may have a case now , was worried the judge was supporting my daughter's case but there are many other 'strands' to this and the main thing my daughter is going on is her parental rights plus not drinking heavy like before but it will take more than that to be given the full time care of a vulnerable child who 1/ Is already settled and happy and wants to remain where he is and 2/ Has limited speech and if anything happened he could not even tell anyone

Plus it does not look good that my daughter is lying in court and getting a 2 bedroom flat and decorating a room and saying ''I am getting my son back'' is no ruddy guarantee!!!

I feel like she is trying to bully and lie to get him back and I understand she feels he 'belongs' to her because he is her child but he is not an item of ruddy property he is a little boy with feelings and emotions and complex needs who needs the best support possible in life and I know I keep bringing it up but if you can lock a dog you supposed to 'love' in a drawer as a punishment when angry what the hell will you do to the son you 'love' and 'loving him' did not mean you stopped drinking and got help while he was in your 'care' , let alone 3 years later and I feel she has had 'every' chance and yet knowing she is on her last chance she is still choosing to lie and trick her way through it to get him back rather than do the hard work involved on herself and be honest about needing help and about where she is really at!!

I need ruddy help and I am not going to pretend I do not!

Thing is if she was honest with everyone she would have more chance of getting him back , they took her to court because he said she was going to remove him by Christmas because she was ''better now'' and if she said she was not going to remove him because she needed more time to proper work on her ( genuine ) recovery they could have worked with her without even court being involved and once proper proved herself fit they could have returned him ( rather than say I am removing him soon because I am better now and they along with me have their doubts so of course they would take her to court before December!! )

Silly girl!

Are you making the social workers aware of your daughter's attitude to you, nannynoo?
It doesn't seem to be the attitude of someone who genuinely cares for their child and wants him to be well looked after while she is not able to do it.

Wow thank you Swanny - I feel I am doing something anyone would do to prevent their beloved Grandchild from being adopted

Yet I get so much treated as the 'baddy' by my daughter when we ALL would have LOST HIM COMPLETELY by now if I had not come forward and no one else in the family is willing to have him due to his Autism and difficulties etc , poor little sweetheart , he is such a joy , it's not ALL hard work lol x

I would not HAVE to be the baddy if my daughter was not putting on the performance of her life and lying through her teeth to everyone , was hoping she would recover but her fake recovery is causing so much stress and anxiety that I have to watch it does not make ME ill

If I had no concerns then I would be SUPPORTING reunification and would be booking my next trip somewhere sunny with a lovely beach looking forward to sipping a cocktail and proper chilling lol

Gosh nannynoo it sounds as though you have a lot to contend with. My DGS has also been diagnosed as being autistic and we all strive together to provide the best environment and support for him we can. It's hard to imagine the difficulties you must be facing without total family support. Not much consolation for you but anyone in your situation has my utter admiration. Counselling for you could be so beneficial in helping you continue to provide the unconditional love and help he needs. You are one of life's angels (((hugs)))

Keep on keeping on, Nannynoo. I love your name, by the way! It helps to be able to get it off your chest here, I'm sure. I'm sure you're already doing so, but keep a note of your little mans anxious behaviour, and when it occurs.

Thanks silverlining , it is hard to stay calm but I am trying

Plus trying to be reasonable , it is tough enough supervising contact which is expected of me right now but will be discussing it further with them very soon

Then I get angry texts through from my daughter as well which does not help but because on this occasion I had a part to play in making her angry I apologised and meant it x

I honestly can't apologise for ringing the RSPCA etc though but it seems they have not been round to hers yet but if I am responsible for doing anything with even a sniff of vindictiveness in it I will apologise , the rest is purely out of wanting to protect

I do not want to be guilty of being vindictive at all , however angry at her I am lol

It is purely out of wanting to protect her dog and son that I have done anything else apart from the one thing I said sorry for

I will keep 'my end' clear anyway but I won't be victimised either xx

The guardian shoukd certainly come and visit you at home. S/he is acting solely fir your grandson, not you or your daughter, but him and will provide an independent report and recommendation for the court.
Contact should be supervised by an independent professional as it also forms part of the assessment for the court. You may well supervise contact afterwards but if it is difficult and causes your gs distress then alternative arrangements should be made. All this is about the welfare and best interests of the child so keep a written record of dates and times of any incidents.
It is good you have sought some help and support for yourself. Try and keep calm, not get upset or angry if you can help it and remember you are doing your very best in a difficult situation. Good luck.

I feel the court appointed guardian needs to maybe come and visit little man and I

I also need to let him / her ( it might not be the guy I spoke to on the phone now ) know the things I have noticed eg ;

When my daughter told my GS he has a room at her house he started wetting himself every day immediately after

His behaviour suddenly changed and was presenting as feeling insecure ( before this he had been so settled )

Then contact was upped and he was NOT coping with it

He has limited speech but still says from time to time even up to very recently ''bye bye Mummy and Daddy , stay with Nanny''

We were singing ''5 little ducks went swimming one day'' today and he wanted it to be ''5 little Daddies went swimming one day'' and he had a Hula Hoop snack on each finger and I drew a smiley face on each finger so the hula hoop was like the Daddies hats lol but I changed it to Mummy during the song and he screeched out vehemently ''NO MUMMY!!!'' which concerned me a bit and I quickly had to change it to Daddy again

Not saying he does not love his Mum but I do feel he feels highly ANXIOUS about possibly going to live with her and HE knows his own mind and should have a say at least!!!

He has become reluctant to go to contact again and I have had to go back to erm 'bribing' him to get him there so I think he is settling again but is still confused and insecure to a degree and has been saying ''bye bye Mummy and Daddy , stay with Nanny'' more and more recently xx

I think HIS voice should be heard now!!! x