It goes on and on...

Yup exactly bashing me and the school because ''everyone else is getting it wrong APART from her'' is not a good tactic

Put others down to build yourself up , deflect everything away from yourself so the blame or faults are ''other peoples''

Slate someone else as a carer to show you are a ''better carer than them''

She might as well bite , kick , scream , yell , punch ANYTHING ELSE APART from concentrate on HERSELF and her own path of recovery and proving to the judge that she in her own right in her own self is capable and not by putting others down!!!

She thinks I am putting her down by presenting the truth so has thought OK then I will 'present the truth of my own' by bringing up EVERY mistake I have ever made in my entire life hoping that it destroys my character and therefore makes hers good in comparison

I think the only truth which matters is the truth of the past 2.3 years that lo has been with me and or the truth of the previous 6.7 years since little man was born and in her care and YES the tooth which badly needs treatment now ( still looking for the right dentist as will not drag him from dentist to dentist and have them refuse to treat him! ) and his weight ( workable on and especially once the stress , insecurity and confusion in his life has ended as it is definitely comfort / emotional / stress eating! ) are CURRENT issues I am working on and both are FIXABLE , the past I cannot change , just come clean about etc but how about her coming clean about her current drug and alcohol use and mental health problems??? That would be a start to getting her son back , not lying , deceiving , tricking , blaming everyone else apart from herself , deflecting the focus and downright wanting to 'destroy the enemy' when the enemy is the one who has and still is preventing you from losing your child completely to adoption!!

Yet she refuses to see that and I apparently am the only person standing in the way of her and her child being reunited , well even if that is true I will not move aside so she can potentially HARM him mentally and emotionally etc and sometimes I feel like giving up because of all the stress and the stress to come but I look at little man and say NO I cannot do it - I cannot give up on him and his future happiness , never , ever , ever at all

Crazy thing is she thinks if he was removed from my care they would hand him straight back to her!!! .... erm NO , social services have initiated care proceedings because they have concerns about the child being in your care!! They are doing this because you said if they did not return him to you by Christmas you would take him so they had to do SOMETHING as they were not HAPPY for you to ''take him'' hence why it is at COURT right now , she almost tells everyone that SHE is taking social services to court to get her son back when actually that is not the case!!

If they had no concerns they would have said ''okay then , we will work with you towards reunification around Christmastime'' but it went to a legal planning meeting as they did not WANT that to happen so are taking steps to PREVENT it happening! I alongside them are voicing my concerns which is what she hates because she wants me to support her reunification which I cannot do because of my concerns the same as social services have!

I think I am going potty sometimes as it feels like this is ''her case'' which she has brought to court because she does not agree with him being in care when in fact social services have brought the case to court because they have CONCERNS about little man being returned to her care and I wish I saw it like that more as it feels my daughter ruddy brainwashes everyone into her way of thinking

I am a ''bad carer'' which AUTOMATICALLY makes her a ''good carer'' so a tooth which has not been treated as yet and being overweight are worse than drug and alcohol use along with mental health issues and a tbh 'dodgy' boyfriend who is supposed to be allowed not just around my Grandson but left in his sole care if my daughter goes out etc ..... HELL NO!!! Lol

But pick out my whole list of faults from 30 years ago and hers all automatically diminish erm not in the courts eyes actually as they want to know about current issues and current care and just the fact that she wants to remove him from me out of spite shows them she is not thinking about his best interests as would she rather rip him away and put him into stranger foster care or does she REALLY think they will be knocking at her door with him???

( Sadly I think she is under the delusion that if I can no longer care for him they will be knocking down her door for her to have him!!! Lol )

Anyway , even her thinking to me is a bit off key as her focus should be on proving herself to the judge not slinging mud at me .... it seems like a diversion tactic or ''look what a bad carer my Mum is'' ...soooo it necessary follows as ''look what a good carer I AM / will be in 'comparison''' as I would not have done those things to him ( ie his tooth would be fixed and he would not be overweight and I have not done all those bad things my Mum did in the past!!!!!! ) Look what a good / perfect carer I am for him in comparison!!

Yeah right , your Mum is not on drugs or an alcoholic with mental health issues , she takes care of herself and when the stress get's too much she reaches out for help and tries to get the situation resolved ( ie someone else supervising contact soon in the run up to court ) she SEEKS / ASKS for counselling ( not refuses it ) she COMES CLEAN about every single accusation which is thrown at her ( by you only as you are the only one who does it ) She does not lie about it but comes clean about everything , she is not covering anything up! ..... She did not take class A drugs while her children were young or end up on 'tag' twice , or arrested for drink driving both times refusing to do the breathalyser test , or in court for violent offences and assaulting a police officer all while her Autistic son was still in her care , or passed out drunk when the school bus dropped her son off so did not answer the door on numerous occasions , or child went UNFED ( and you have the cheek to say he is overweight now but at least I ruddy well FEED him! ) so yeah you point the finger at me if you like and ok the above is the 'past' stuff as well before he was removed but it was the past stuff while my Grandson was in your care and none of the stuff you accuse me of from my 'past' was when my Grandson was in my care or even born yet!!!

But let's look at your 'current' stuff , you say you are clean of EVERYTHING , don't touch a drop of alcohol and nor does your boyfriend who does not take drugs either and won't allow you to drink , he is not living with you and he was not smoking weed in front of the children at your sons Birthday party or pass out stoned on the settee towards the end of the party ....

All LIES so you can lie to get your son back and expect me to go along with it and remove him from his happy home to be subjected to both you and your boyfriend who don't abuse animals or drugs or alcohol ( she lied about the pet abuse and denied it of course to everyone ) and you have the cheek to be angry at me for letting the truth out so okay you have 'done the same' but in such a dirty , underhand , malicious , vengeful , spiteful way to the point of saying you don't want him in my care? well okay then I will hand him back and he will be ADOPTED and you will lose him forever and never see him again but of course that WON'T happen because you are going to lie your way through court and the assessments and psychiatric evaluations by saying all the right things and play acting which you are a bit too worryingly good at tbh but I hope to God they can all see through it because my gut flips at the thought of my Grandson being in your care unless something changes and you come clean and get some ruddy help ...please , for your own sake , let alone this being your last chance to get your son back who wants to stay with me anyway so you will have your work cut out as it is to resettle him!!!

Sorry to rant so much , it just feels wrong what she is doing and I am just about slowly recovering this week from the stress and trauma of it all xx

A lot of people are saying 'fair enough , she is fighting back dirty' but I do NOT feel it is 'fair' but yet I know she cannot help herself which is worrying in itself but let's just see how everything goes as I am done with my 'snooping' and 'investigating' and social services can take over that role now and do that part of things and I can just see to little man who still has no idea if he is coming or going but keeps saying ''stay with Nanny please''

I am going to be concentrating on ;

1/ Little man of course , bless him , and

2/ My SGO assessment , and that's IT unless we get our move to our therapeutic dream house as well , that would be some nice icing on the cake for us as well as little baby Granddaughter from my older daughter making an appearance in December and she is our Rainbow Baby after losing her baby sister 3 years ago so we could do with some joy tbh!! x

That's not a reasonable way to fight to get her child back. She needs to show that she is stable and reliable for him, as nannynoo did before her DGS was placed with her.
It's so sad that she can't see the right things to do to get her son back and give him a good life.
You're doing great, nannynoo.

Lots of (((hugs))) nannynoo! Lots of (((hugs!)))

" BUT what makes her able to sleep like a baby at night is that the lo in all of this is safe and well and happy!"

I think this says a lot.

So your dtr is bashing the school, also, not just you. Sounds like she's lashing out at everyone - not good for her, imo. Tbf she's fighting to get her child back, so I guess it's normal for her to lash out this way.

But you're obviously devoted to gs and have been there for him when she wasn't/couldn't be and for so long. You may have to "fight the good fight," but I think the court will see that gs should stay with you. At least, I hope they will.

I kept a calm head about the accusations against the school ... she went with all guns blazing and posting it on Facebook and ringing the school for what I am sure was an 'interesting' conversation ... I rang the school too with a query to put my mind at ease but was totally calm and polite in contrast to how I know my daughter is and her true colours will come out eventually and already are tbh

She called the previous headmistress a f*cking b*tch and you just don't DO that however angry you are!! Lol xx

Anyway seeing my solicitor tomorrow so will see what she says about all this

I suppose at least she has dished all the dirt she possibly can about me now so it is with the courts...

Just got to see what happens now and between the final hearing , there is nothing else she can do now to smear my name and character / capabilities etc so now I just have to leave her to it to 'prove herself' her 'current self' which is what it is meant to be all about

She is panicking I reckon because eg things are showing up in her hair strand test so they know she is lying plus she has to have a psychatric evaluation which am sure she HOPES she can trick her way through , live in boyfriend has not been DBS checked as yet and some very interesting things are going to show up plus the truth usually reveals itself in time naturally ( I have already seem smidgings of her boyfriend having a temper and he smacks the dog ) and we have till January for more truths to out but there is no more truth about me to out unless she remembers more from the past lol and I will be dealing with the accusations of the 'current' stuff and hopefully they won't use the past stuff against me as I have learnt my lesson and I don't do those things any more ( and we all make mistakes!! )

I am SO hoping they have seen it all before and the brutal character / capability assassination does NOT work!

She may have run out of options then lol ( silly , silly girl!! )

Ahhh thank you , am going to try and simply 'ride it out' now as the truth will naturally become evident if it is not already tbh

Sorry to hear about the rotten time you're having, Nannynoo. Whatever your daughter has bought up is in your past - its very clear that you have only your grandsons best interests at heart. I'm sure it will shine through. Stay strong.

I'm glad they told you the old stuff doesn't carry much weight. It's how you are now, and what's best for your grandson now, that's important.

As far as I can see, you're doing everything right, nannynoo and I hope it's all sorted out for you soon.

The social worker said she needs to talk to me about some of the things which is fine - I will just be honest!

Everything my daughter said has to go into a report for the court

She also said she is finding this a really unpleasant and stressful case BUT what makes her able to sleep like a baby at night is that the lo in all of this is safe and well and happy!

The funny thing in all this is even though my daughter has raked up some BAD sh*t from my past I am willing to be honest about it all! ..... I am also being honest about how HARD I am finding all this stress and am now on the waiting list for some counselling plus I get online support from you lovely people and some kinship care groups and I get telephone support and a friend rings me when things are pretty bad too for a chat and I have let her sister know what is going on and am basically reaching out for help in all this and being honest and getting some counselling ....BUT let's be HONEST here it is my daughter who needs the HELP and support and counselling etc but she WON'T be honest about ANYTHING and prefers to mud sling , get irate , be abusive and lie about everything under the sun which I REFUSE to do!!

I am keeping myself well by reaching out for support which is helping me soooooooooo much but she ''doesn't need any help and is fine and does not need counselling or support etc coz she is fine and everything is fine and she is getting her son back soon!''...

Well let's just see how it goes as have been told they know this type of thing goes on and they do not take seriously stuff from 10 , 16 , 20 + years ago and they concentrate on the CURRENT issues which I am dealing with but in a way which is BEST for little man and working together WITH him to achieve it!

His tooth WILL be sorted and he WILL lose weight ...... oh and we WILL get the perfect house for us , just this minute heard that the last man in the house chain who came all the way from Cornwall to Bristol today with the paperwork has backed out and pretty coldly and rudely too

So there is a lady who has lost her husband and needs to be near her daughter let down , a little boy with special needs who needs more room and space let down and all the man could say is ''that's none of my business .... nice lol

Not PARTICULARLY having a good day lol BUT I am not giving up and I told the others the link in the chain is broken but we just find another ( nicer! lol ) one!!

Anyway chin up and I'm not giving up for sure xx

There is a strong , consistent , steadfast power in me and it's called LOVE! x

I got a phone call from the social worker today

My daughter has emailed the guardian with TONS of sh*t about me from my past and my parenting of her , there was reams of it she said and she was honest and said it does look BAD

My past was NOT squeeky clean and I will admit to ANYTHING which is TRUE , all of it , every single one of the many points she has brought up if nessesary

The main ones I am going to work on ( nothing I can do about my past , have learnt my lessons and do none of that stuff any more with anyone let alone little man ) are the two current issues she has ie how long it has taken to sort out little mans bad tooth because the hospital appointment took 10 months to come through and it was me who fought to get that appointment as his dentist kept saying to leave the baby tooth till it fell out naturally and it never did so now it is decayed etc so she took a photo of it and sent it to the guardian with the full character assassination lol

It is not that I have not been looking for the right dentist as with his Autism he needs specialist dental care and after waiting for 10 whole months the appointment came through slap bang in the middle of our holiday so I rang them to reschedule it and she said the computers have been down all week so to try again and I got caught up with other things and then we went on holiday so I was taken off the list

I have since been looking for a paediatric dentist who specialises in children's dental care alone especially anxious ones as they will know how to be calm and patient with a child who has Autism and is nervous and a hospital situation with all the noise and crowds / lots of other people waiting etc well hospitals are an environment he hates so a nice calm room just for him with no hospital waiting area he will be calmer for him

But anyway , his weight is something else I am working on as he comfort eats especially has got much worse when his Mum said he had a room at her house along with the wetting himself and sudden behaviour changes / insecurity and anxiety etc and he himself says ''see Mummy Saturday , stay with Nanny'' so he has worked out in his head what he wants

But I AM stressed , hurt and worried about all this as the court guardian has A LOT of whack in court hence my daughter e-mailing her with all the tons of sh*t about me but anyway will concentrate on the current stuff which I know will be solved and then she has NOTHING on me re the current care of her son or the care of him for the past 2+ years!!

The total historic annihilation of me is done now , so there is no more stuff she has on me so it's done now and I will just be honest about all that even though it is bad but none of that is relevant to the current care of my Grandson so I am going to try not to worry about that even though I have done some BAD THINGS in my past I have learnt from them and would never do them again and none of those things impacted on my Grandson or were done once he was born or in my care from birth so she is simply playing dirty to take the focus of HER and make me out to be a bad carer and so compared to me she is presenting herself as a good carer but let's hope they see through it but am willing to take a grilling for little man if needs be tbh but thanks a lot for all the extra stress while I am trying to concentrate on looking after your son but she does not WANT me to do it well , she wants me to fail but if I fail lo will SUFFER and does she REALLY want that just to 'win'??? ... Sadly yes!

You are right, nannynoo. You should not be having to deal with this without help.
Make sure the SW knows exactly how bad things are getting.

Stay calm, Nannynoo, and keep note of every text your daughter sends. Hopefully, for the sake of your grandson, your daughter will be stopped from doing this to you.
Thinking of you. Stay strong!

Plus it possibly puts my Grandson at risk!

MY DAUGHTER IS NOW SAYING SHE NO LONGER WANTS MY GRANDSON IN MY CARE

Things are not good atm she keeps messaging me with all sorts of stuff about my past , saying it's my fault she ended up an alcoholic , had to block her on messenger ( wish I found out how to do it earlier )

I do not want to bring little man into that environment plus as she has PR she could keep him there after contact so I have left a message with the SW manager to ring me urgently but she has not done so yet but I could do without this stress

I feel I need to ( gently ) suggest I do not supervise any more contact alone and that they need to find someone else to do it ASAP as this is a ridiculously hostile and stressful situation

Ah thank you Serkeen I am doing everything in my power and more to protect him

The guardian visit went soooooooooooo well!

She said try not to worry and she could see lo was so happy here it was just blatantly obvious

They do worry about the emotional impact if the child is returned against their wishes , so you show 'em little man! Lol

Court again today , strained and stressful as usual and not sure what is going on exactly as no one really tells me , just waiting around for an hour or two then just 15 minutes in the courtroom ( am not allowed in as my daughter said so )

All the SW said is ''it went well'' but not sure how well things can go in just 15 minutes lol but I have submitted everything I know and a pic of my daughter drinking wine when she swears she is totally abstinent , plus news links to her boyfriends history of gang related drug dealing he went to prison for ( twice )

My daughter told me her hair strand test came back positive for MDMA ( ecstasy ) but that she did not take it and someone must have spiked her drink ( soft drink I presume lol ) but they are also doing a psychiatric evaluation ( thankfully ) and I asked for one after the dog abuse

The RSPCA pretty much said she lied to them about it but they have to check the dog over and give her a talk and a warning so I hope it stops!!! She lied to the SW about it so it does not surprise me!

Also her and her boyfriend have to have a parenting assessment and he has not got a clue , let alone about how to deal with a 10 year old boy with Autism ( I don't think he has children but if he has he does not seem to see them )

So that all should be starting soon and they are finally letting me off from supervising contact soon as they do agree it is getting too much of a strain for me as the case ( and hostility from my daughter ) proceeds , so that is good news so I can just concentrate on myself and little man now and my guardianship assessment

I have found a lovely new house to move into in the next couple of months as well and the court guardian and SW's have backed me on going for it due to it being near little man's school etc , let alone being 5 minutes from some lovely woodland walks and nature etc!!

I don't know how my daughter is dealing with the stress of this case but she is taking it out on me now and I got some horrible texts after court as she does not want me to move into the lovely house as it has a spare room for an overnight carer for my Grandson so I can get some respite , she seemed miffed that I was getting 3 bedrooms when she had 2 but she cheered up immensely when she realised the same rule would apply to her ''if she gets her son back'' so she left the text conversation happy! Lol

I feel the new home will be therapeutic for little man and me and if worst comes to worst ( sorry to put it that way but it is TRUE ) I can keep a room there for him always plus will do fostering , after this experience it is something which I feel I would be good at and do well

So I do have a plan B but I still do not feel that my daughter ( or her boyfriend ) would cope or that little man would be happy there - I honestly feel he would definitely not be happy there

So all I can do is keep doing my darndest for that not to happen but next is me concentrating on my guardianship application and I have an appointment with my solicitor on Friday

nannynoo your post gave me goosbumps.. I sooooo hope you do have people in your corner fighting for your little man x x If anyone deserves someone in their corner it is you sweetheart. I do not know what that little boys life would be like without you init. I think when he grows older and realises what his grandma was prepared to do for him he will feel so happy and something that he will take with him through his life ..

Keep fighting for this is a fight that is worth fighting for xx

I was feeling like I had no power or say before but perhaps that is not the case , feels like they want me on board now

It is so good to have some back up and for them to be taking me and my concerns seriously!!

I thought they had pretty much given up after the care order was not granted but obviously not

Gawsh does that mean I finally have people fighting in my corner with me for what is best for little man?

I can still hardly believe it if so , has felt like I am all alone and isolated in this case , the back up and team work should work for good

I hope everyone is finally on board!!

It will actually ease some of the burden if we work together as a team!

Its good to see that the local authority are to pay your legal expenses, this is what should happen.
You are now a party to the proceedings and like your daughter, the social work team and the children's guardian you now have your own legal advisor. You will now get copies of all the documents in the proceedings, you'll make your own statement in response to the various assessments, including the one for your SGO assessment. So relieved, its been a long haul for you and your grandson

Thing is if she was honest and got some help and support then little man could go home and be HAPPY and am not ruling that out completely but she would have to stop with the lies and cover up tbh

Sadly I have a feeling she won't

If she gets him back by being honest ( and getting help etc ) I would not mind but if she gets him back by lying that is VERY worrying indeed!!!

And that is MY FEAR

My daughter fears the truth coming out and I fear the truth NOT coming out...

So I am in a very uncomfortable position too

Yet because of her lies it has made my path a difficult / stressful one too xx

It was changed to this coming Thursday the appointment with the guardian

Am just going to be my natural self no pretence , no stress , just me

She is going to spend over an hour with just me before my GS gets home so yes I will have everything prepared I want to say to her

It's not about taking sides or not supporting reunification if he would be HAPPY at home , would miss him greatly but then could RELAX and get on with my life! lol

I just have to do what I am doing ie speak the truth only because my daughter is lying

If she came clean we would get on so much better and be able to all work together for little man's sake and I would be fine with that even though I would grieve the loss at first which is only natural after waking up to that little face and smile and kisses every day for over 2 years , of course it will leave a 'gap' in my home and heart BUT if he was happy then it would be 'okay' not UNBEARABLE like it would be if he was returned to an unsafe environment with him at risk of harm!

So I HAVE to do what I am doing because my daughter is using deceit and lies to get him back rather than an honest genuine recovery which is rather sad considering she has this chance which she is lucky to have and yet will not 'come clean' and be honest about eg the help she needs etc

Anyway the sw rang today and said the legal dept said they are going to pay for my solicitor and to get her on board and they want me to be there at court on Tuesday ( my daughter does not want me at court but I will go because I have been asked / told to )

It is hard not to be at some sort of loggerheads with my daughter as this very situation of wanting to protect my grandson and having genuine concerns naturally puts me at loggerheads with her , the court situation I go in the room with the LA legal team and she goes in another room with her solicitor and the court battle is one against the other and I cannot help that be so

Like I said if she was not lying to everyone including the judge and was being honest then I need not be in this situation which I HATE AND FIND VERY STRESSFUL but am civil to her when I see her and vice versa tbh , then the battle rages behind the scenes lol

Btw she is lying to social services about the pet abuse as well and will probably lie to the judge about it as well and I have a feeling she lied to the RSPCA inspector as she said ( I have rang them twice so far for an update from the officer who attended but he has not got back to me so far even though they said the reportee always gets an update afterwards )

P.S Starbird I want a good relationship with my daughter and I never confront her about things as it would do no good and I understand she covers things up due to fear but it is not actually doing her or her case any good but lying and covering things up is the method she is using and she will stick to it I reckon and there is nothing I can actually do about that just can't help wishing she came clean for her sake as well as her sons ( and the closeness of our relationship tbh )

It is hard to feel close to someone who is lying about everything and making you out to be the liar etc and trust is a vital part of a relationship and if you trust someone to tell you the truth you can get on better but we have to do our best to get on for little man's sake but it is sadly not a 'real' closeness as that takes people being real and I really wish she was / could be with me and everyone else involved but she is not honest with anyone so no one can support her which must be very difficult and lonely in itself! x

Thinking of you today, hope it goes well for all concerned.

Writing things down for the guardian is a very good idea, to help you remember what you want to say or just to give her to read so that you don't have to talk about upsetting things if your GS is there.

I hope that things go well for your GS.