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I think this is very sad. At 19 years she is old enough to take on lots of grown up responsibilities like buying a home, getting married or having children but it seems she has not learnt how to be respectful. Maybe she has never been taught this while growing up ( you mention your daughter's mental health problems).
As hard as it maybe for you I would not send her money like that next time. I would wait till she contacts you or deigns to visit you then suggest that you go shopping with her to choose a present. If she makes excuses then say well we will postpone it till you do have time as I would like to spend some quality grandma time with you and maybe have a lunch treat too.
Absolutely do not let her walk away with money without consideration for you. Respect is one of lives valuable lessons and she needs to learn to show some.

I'm sorry but you seem to be the problem. This is perfectly normal behaviour for a 19 year old and you seem to be giving presents and expecting a past on the back for it. Teenagers are not renowned for doing this. You also say you don't talk to your daughter either. Are you sure the problem isn't with you? This is such a petty thing and you are making a huge deal about it. I'm sorry but i really think you need to consider your own behaviour. As said before you seem really needy. You are going to be low down on her priorities which is as it should be.

I was 19 when my father passed away. Everyone had so much to say about how I should handle and be more adult about my feelings towards his sudden passing... I had just finished my matric exams about a month before. I was stressing about passing my matric year. I was stressing about my mom and what wold happen to her going forth. I was stressing about my siblings as they are much younger than I am. How was I going to now take the role of being there for my mom and for my siblings. To be strong. I was worrying about job possibility in that coming year.

Maybe her mother having mental health issues in some way puts strain on her emotional well being?

Suppose you had received a thank you note, how much better would a few words on some paper make you feel, or an e mail, or a text, nice to have of course but if you want to do a generous thing, do it, for its own sake.

She may be a rude girl and recover from that. Give her time.
Don't give her any more money if it pains you not to have the thanks.

She is who she is, a lying fibber maybe, she is also your flesh and blood, do nice things for her with no thought of thanks and in time she may prove to be better at the social niceties.

Give a gift because you want to not because you want constant praise for your gesture. So she isn't quite up to speed with being thankful, or maybe she isn't one who knows how to express this gratitude. She isn't your grandson. They are different people. This is a fragile time in her life. It's transitioning from teen into adulthood. Loads of self stress happens around now. Could you perhaps be there for her instead of seeming needy? Sorry to be blunt.

It's common curtesey to acknowledge a gift and say thank you, no matter what the age. My 6 and 9 year old granddaughters have been doing this since they could write.

Does anyone really think that using money as a means to control behaviour is a good way to foster a relationship?

Some friends of ours gave each of their teenage GCs a generous amount of money, monthly for pocket money. There was only one stipulation. A thank you. If that was not forthcoming, neither was the next amount of money. The children soon got the idea. Good manners cost nothing. Bad manners resulted in no pocket money

Yes she should reply but 19 year olds are self-centred and probably too busy with their own lives to think about your feelings. I know only one of my three daughters ( in their thirties now) remembers to send birthday cards, thank you notes or get well cards to their great aunt. (No grandparents left now).

My own grandchildren are all under nine so they are still family orientated. I don't expect that will last as they become teenagers!

Try to keep in touch with your granddaughter by occasional text messages, greetings cards or Facebook likes/comments, but keep it light-hearted and not too needy!

I agree with lemongrove 19 is an adult and your granddaughter should have the courtesy to reply to you.
I would just send a card in future, although the unsigned cheque idea is good ?

Just being 19?! It would be excusable at 13/14 sort of teenager
Age, but she is an adult now.Thinking back I always sent messages ( actually letters back then, no phone at Grandma’s) for any gift received, no matter how small.
It’s all to do with how you are brought up though.
Scale back on presents for the future, or just a card, now that your DGD is actually grown up.

Being a self-centred teenager is all very well, but lying to her Granny?

Send a cheque but don't sign it. She'll be in contact!

What did she say when you asked her if she'd had time to spend the money you gave her, marylane?

I agree with those who imply she is just being a selfish teenager. I know when I was in my late teens the world was totally fascinating. I didn't have time for parents or grandparents. All that counted were my friends and partying day and night (whilst holding down a job to pay for it all). I can remember MY mother grumbling that she never saw me! I just thought "what's her problem?" I saw it all as nagging...

Of course I grew up, settled down and had my own children and then got close again.

I don't think I actually MEANT to be so selfish and self centred when I was a teenager. So what am getting at is perhaps the person who mentioned 'nagging' may have a point. Not that YOU see it as nagging but maybe GD does? Just like I did.

It's upsetting but only if you take it personally. Just keep doing what you always do, let her know you love her and don't get too upset if she doesn't seem to care. As you say you have always had a great relationship, she will care, she just needs time to do the exciting, selfish growing up bit.

JMO

Send a cheque but don't sign it. She'll be in contact!

There will probably come a time when right out of the blue your DGD will make contact because there is something going on in her life that she wants to share with you.

My eldest DGS didn't keep in touch all that much when he was in uni but now he has graduated and moved into a flat with his girlfriend I get lots of updates, photos on facebook and jokey requests for recipes etc.

Just hang on in there.

I agree with the last two posters I m afraid you have to expect much less contact how ever close you ve been once grandkids reach mid teens
Of course she should have acknowledge and thanked you for the gift but I think it’s a very very normal progression of growing up to not be so close I adored my Nan and we were as close as possible but once my ex came along and I fell in lurve I moved away both emotionally and geographically without a thought Now as a Nan myself I can only think how much I must have hurt her and for that I m so sorry and mortified I certainly made up for it in her old age and looked after her for a number of years but that wasn’t the point I didn’t think twice at the time

I'm with Luckygirl. She is just being 19 and however close you have been in the past I'm afraid neither grandparents or parents figure very highly on a 19 year old agenda.
It will only become a problem if you take umbrage and start being miffed, expecting more than she is prepared to give and making her feel resentful and obligated
But some people can be relaxed about other peoples' behaviour and some have definite ideas about what is due to them and get upset when others don't live up to their expectations.
I suppose it depends if you are prepared to accept what she is happy to give or whether you can only be happy with what you want from her.

some people on here were never 19? Its a bright new world with all sorts of amazing things and people in it and we take it for granted that the folk we love will still be there when we get past the new love affair with life thats happening to us.Your GD is just 19...for many thats what 19 is .She'll grow up and she'll come back ,its what teenagers do .

Her behaviour is very hurtful; you have attempted to keep in touch and she can't be bothered, so seriously, don't you be bothered to give her any sort of birthday, or Christmas present. Send a card, but no more.

Your DGD has lied to you in the past yet you feel you have a good relationship with her?
I'd definitely cut back on the gifts to her. A card should be fine.

Is she at Uni or live away? My granddaughter's communication seems to have dropped off lately - she's 20, recently moved in with her boyfriend, working 2 jobs and back to studying for her last year. She also lives 2 hours away. We've always been quite close but I realise she's now living her own life and us grandparents have to take a back seat - as long as she's happy and healthy I'm ok with it. Granted your granddaughter should have sent a message of thanks earlier but I wouldn't make too much of it.

I think this is very upsetting marylane I know how I would feel as I am close to my DGD who sounds similar to yours in circumstances but is only 13, she's beginning to grow away though spending more time with friends.
Someone once said to me, " We love our children more than they love us." I suppose that applies to GC too. Not sure what I think about that. We can only try to enjoy our lives and hope they will be happy in theirs.
Plenty of good advice from everyone on here about giving less money etc.
All my best wishes .

Good advice from Luckygirl