Receiving or not receiving cards and gifts

It's probably unrealistic to expect an adult grandchild to send a card, he would never think about it.
My son now 41 sometimes sends me birthday Christmas Mothers day cards but not very often. He might send a text or e-mail not send a card. It's a bit hit and miss really, daughter is more likely but then again not always.
We have to love our nearest and dearest including their faults.
I wouldn't mention this to your daughter, you could never win, her son is the light of her life.
Don't let it get you down just carry on being a lovely grandma, one day he'll look back and think what a wonderful person you are.
I let things go these days, sometimes when there is nothing you can do about something it's best to let it slide, makes for a peaceful life.

Thanks again, everyone. I'm so pleased I posted on here. It's given me food for thought and lessened my feelings of guilt while helping me put it into perspective. Truly words of wisdom!

I think some of our generation are just fighting against the inevitable. Technology means that online transactions and messages are easier, cheaper and more instant. Cards are really a huge waste of paper and postage costs are exorbitant.

I still send Christmas and birthday cards and receive some from immediate family, but it is a dying practice.
My parents' generation saw greetings cards as an important social exchange. Future generations will see them as irrelevant and outdated.

Must admit that I never even knew the date of my grandparents birthdays, let alone sent them cards, etc.
I most definitely would not expect cards from a g.child once they are past the age where they make them themselves. Many young people do consider the whole card industry as just one big money-making scheme and do not wish to be part of it.
Send this young man a Happy Birthday wishes either by email, twitter or fb, whichever he chooses, and stop expecting a young adult to use their time sending out cards.
When my hubbie and I married in 1964 we took the decision then, not every to send anyone an Xmas Card. Kept to it all these years, do explain to new aquaintances that I will not join in the (to me) silly ritual of all exchanging these cards. Still amazes me how many cards i still receive - (none have ever been reciprocated). This includes the card that arrives, ritualistically, every year to the former owners of this house who moved abroad 15 years ago!!! Obviously, those senders, really care about the people they send their cards to!!!

Your grandson sounds a bit like mine, same age too. He never sends me or my husband a birthday card or present, he lives and attends university in London and also has a very good job. He comes home to visit his parents, never thinks to hop on a bus and come visit us, we never even get a phone call. Before he moved to London he installed Skype on my computer but he's never called me.It's always me who has to make the first move. It was his birthday recently and as usual we received a list of suitable presents, all very expensive. This year I just totally ignored the present list, I feel a bit mean but I'm fed up with our one sided relationship.

It is a sad and sexist fact but, on the whole, girls and women like to buy cards and presents and men and boys don’t. My daughter has fixed up a date to take her grandmother out for Christmas already and my son forgot my birthday. It doesn’t mean boys or men love a person any less. They would certainly be miffed if their birthdays were forgotten. However, the birthday calendar is not at the forefront of their minds.

I should stop buying the grandson a present and send him a card. If he ignores the card or your birthday you will have less to be upset about.

The problem with families is that pressing your point even when you are in the right is likely to raise the hackles of some others if they are selfish, stupid or entitled. So many people are intolerant and self centred today that it is impossible to reason with them. Added to this, children are often spoilt and unchallenged in a way that our generation were not and if a parent has to adjudicate between generations they will side with the child because they are frightened of them.

What a mess.

I do think posted cards of all sorts are on the way out and aren't viewed in them same way as they once were by lots of people. Your grandson may be a bit of a prat but I don't think he's all that different to many 20 somethings making his own life in the big smoke. Send an email or txt on his birthday and be interested in his life and doings. Unless you really know what he would like as a gift don't send one. Whether or not you send money is up to you but don't brood if it is not sufficiently acknowledged.

I really think that sometimes as our lives get smaller and quieter as we get older we place too much emphasis on our expectations of younger family members and see hurt and insult when it was not intended. On the whole I don't think younger people understand the need us oldies have for expressions of love back up the generations. Nor do I think accepting this is easy or necessarily pleasant. How many of us can recall their own heedless and often thoughtless younger selves? Keep doors open and things may change as they mature. A crabby, whinging oldie has little appeal to anyone whatever their age.

Here we go again - we have to accept their behaviour as normal and be grateful for whatever crumbs they give us, no matter how unfeeling and disrespectful they are. I bet your grandson is still expecting money from you when you eventually pop your clogs!

Just send a card if you want to and don’t expect a response. If you expect nothing - it’ll save disappointment. Cards are just not something everyone does anymore and to be fair, except at Card Factory shops the cost of a card plus postage is almost as much as a gift.

I wouldn't make a big thing of this. A lot of young people text or FB rather than send a physical card. Postage is quite expensive. My eldest is hopeless at remembering birthdays, anniversaries etc but makes a fuss when she turns up. Just her nature and a very busy life. A close friend of mine has said he can no longer cope with sending Christmas cards and can we forgo it now? I am happy to oblige. If you want to make a point about it being your thing why not text him to say that instead of sending a card and gift to him as he has issues with this you will donate the amount to a charity. Then each birthday, Xmas etc text him saying which charity you have donated his amount to.

Don't lose any sleep over your GS kids or adult GC are all the same.They're too busy with their own lives.

I cannot for the life of me understand this fixation with cards/gifts. If you have to remind someone to do it, then it’s meaningless.

Maybe because you are such a small family you feel more upset about your grandson than if you had a large family. We are a large family and for grandchildren,nephews and nieces birthday and Christmas cards and presents stop after the age of 16. My DC always sent a card to my Mother but my DB's children never did. Other than from two of my adult grandsons (I suspect my DD buys them ) l have never received cards from my grandchildren. I think card giving is diminishing everywhere. Certainly with the cost of postage to abroad I am receiving less and less cards now. So don't fret about it but when his birthday comes around just send him a happy birthday text.

The arrogance of youth plus the difference between the generations. Add to that we males are never as keen on remembering such things as you ladies and you have the problem in bare facts. Then that parenting has not prepared him for life in general and he is not going to change.

So just leave it and wait for him to approach you. That may not happen soon but you should be firm. Some things in life have to come home to one as a result of a lack of attention. If he does have any feelings for you he will one day realise he needs to make contact. If he does not then do not be surprised - he will not be worth your time or concern. Sad, but it does happen.

Just re readOP, so he did actually text and explain that he hadn't sent a card & why. In my world compared with my family that's quite impressive,he rembered & he contacted you. I think I would be inclined to text him & say sorry for being a bit over the top & that it's just a generational thing .

Sounds like he is very a selfish young man ... but the issue is not worth causing a family war over. Send him cards from now on but no gift, put the money to one side for sometime in his life when he has matured and maybe more deserving.

Think many of us will have to get used to birthday texts instead of cards. When printed cards were first introduced noses were probably turned up at receiving those instead of a letter.

Cards are going the way of the dodo....my daughter has stopped sending Christmas cards last year and rarely remembers birthdays. My son sends cards! It’s not a gender thing at all ....it’s a difference of personality’s. If you send my daughter Christmas cards she just piles them up and then bins them. We’re atheists I might add, but I’ve always sent non-religious cards. But she thinks it’s all nonesense and I accept her views.? Once these little traditions are stopped you’ll be surprised how quickly you get used to it.... send cards or don’t send them . Not a problem on our family.✊️

My son has never bothered with birthday or Christmas cards since he was about 12 years old. He usually sends me a very short message via Facebook for my birthday but, although I send cards to my daughter in law, him and grandchildren I don't get anything back (they are in the USA). I could be upset about it but choose not to be - I still send the cards because I want to. My d-i-l always texts to say thank you when I send over the birthday and Christmas money (I only did gifts one year and the postage was dreadful so I told her that I would prefer to send the cash and she said that suited her better too). If you want to send your DGS cards then carry on but don't let it upset you that he doesn't reciprocate - it doesn't mean he doesn't think about you x

Harsh very harsh I d just hang him Sarah, definitely a hanging offence One paragraph causes you to judge he’s an obnoxious little disrespectful shit Don’t hold back

What s so offensive about sending a text saying he hadn’t had time to get a card sounds perfectly polite to me at least he remembered the date his second text was obviusly a defensive one as he was made to feel guilty and don’t forget we only get one side of the story Carol perceived his second text to be patronising and bordering on rude but that’s not necessarily how it was meant to sound

Total storm in a teacup

Carol 25.Sorry for this but what relationship ? Your grandson sounds an obnoxious little****who clearly lacks respect
If he doesn't believe in sending cards that is his choice and as much as it hurts, you have no option but to accept this.
Personally I would not contact him or mention this to his mother. Send birthday and xmas cards other than to your grandson If your daughter gets wind of this and asks why then be honest and tell her what her charming son said to you.
I doubt you are the only one he offends.

I would simply just stop giving him presents and sending him cards, as he obviously does not appreciate them.

Being clever is no excuse for bad behaviour, rather the reverse in my opinion, as the more clever you are the better able you should be to appreciate another person's point of view. At 23 your GS is old enough to know that.

Should your daughter ask why you have stopped sending your GS presents, tell her straight out that you are not in the habit of giving presents to people who do not reciprocate, either by giving you something, or offering to help instead of buying you a present.

When I was studying and strapped for cash, I more than once gave my parents or other relatives a home-made gift token offering to do things like turning out cupboards when my aunt reached the time of life where kneeling on the kitchen floor no longer was possible.

As an academic, I don't give much for a university education that apparently is not teaching your grandson to see further than the end of his own nose.

meant I dont send Ch......... cards but I always send Birthday cards.

mostlyharmless I think you may have hit the nail on the head buy saying Physical cards are becoming less and less by the younger generation, (although there are greeting card companies where you can just sit at your laptop/phone ) and order and send like that.
I don't myself send Ch......s cards anymore.

But...I am hoping my values of birthday cards will impact on my GSs ! My 11 yr old GS and myself have just walked across to the Osy Mills and bought a small gift for his stepsister , he insisted on spending his £4 that another relative gave him last night, he bought some gel pens and I bought the card and a coloring book as he didn't have enough money left.He did say that if he had had £10 he would have spent it all on her..

My DS is now middleaged and hey, we're getting the cards and presents now! He was always anti-cards - waste of money - but I just plodded on, never forgetting but not being over-generous with gifts. They take a while to grow up these days and yes, I've come across that superior intellect thing - the midlife crisis is great!