Toddler tantrums

Nope, it certainly isn't learned behaviour. It comes naturally to most children, most boys especially in my experience. Suggesting that tantruming children are following the example set by their children is just plain wrong.

Sorry - learnt from whom?

Learned from whom?

My children were brought up in a different country and although they went through the "terrible twos" and drove me to distraction they never had meltdowns. Nor do I remember any of their friends having a tantrum. Is it perhaps learned behaviour?

Should have said made me smile ruefully.

Lisalou. Reading your comment made me smile. My mother has always had immature 'hissy-fits' which I had to cope with as a child and then growing up. This was always far more excruciating and embarrassing for me than any 2yr old's tantrum. I've just realised this is probably how I learnt to manage the toddler problems. Completely different set of tricks of course!

Hmmm distraction...I wonder if it works with tired, 80 year old dear mothers. I find when she is tired, she gets very fractious, bless her!

I still have too many 'fond' memories of walking out of stores and restaurants and heading towards the car with a screaming toddler in tow.

Tantrums usually happen when a small child is overtired or over stimulated. A warm bath with plenty of bubbles and a few toys always did the trick (provided we could get home fast enough .

There was a great book I read when second child was a baby, Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. Can’t remember what he said re dealing with tantrums, but it worked. Second one had two tantrums and that was it. Eldest was a nightmare. Wish I’d bought the book earlier! Assume it works for girls too.

Why would you have chocolate or coca cola in the fridge if a child is not allowed to have it because of ADHD? Surely the rest of the family don't need coke (vile stuff) and can hide the chocolate from him?

Poor child.

If they didn't have tantrums at 2 I would be worried!
I had a terrible tantrum in a cake shop when I was 2, wanting a particular cake, lying on the floor kicking and screaming (can't remember it!) and I still like cake now but am more restrained.

And if they were not thunderous at 3 I would be worried too.
Likewise very opinionated at 9 - they know everything by then apparently.

I think that 7 is quite a nice age

I remember a lovely older neighbour who was such a help to me, always reminding me that it would pass. When I trailed down the street dragging the wailing banshee with my other two squabbling amongst themselves, she would comfort me with tales of how bad her three girls had been, thirty years earlier. At least my lot never got into such a ruck that they fell through the plate glass window of the Co-op!

I don't think it's any more prevalent than it ever was. My eldest could tantrum for England 35 years ago and apparently so could I - I was adept at screaming myself sick or holding my breath so that someone had to bang me on the back. The best thing to do is keep calm and not rise to it, but it's easier said than done when you're out and about and getting those looks from people whose children don't tantrum. I remember carrying a wailing DD1 in from the garden stiff as a board and just depositing her in bed - for some reason she'd stay there shrieking and crying until she fell asleep. We count ourselves very lucky that our DGS don't seem to have inherited the gene!

W11girl, seriously?! Do you live in a parallel universe? I confess to having had daughters, who didn't tantrum in anything like the same scale as toddler nephews and grandchildren.
I don't see children who take food from the fridge as "stealing".

I've not seen this in any 2 year old I have known so can't give you any advice. However, I see a lot of children these days in supermarkets and restaurants causing a furore, with no control....is it the technological age we are living in?, the food they eat?, I don't know. My friends' grandchild has ADHT, he was fine until he stole a half a bar of chocolate and a can of coke out the fridge last week...both of which he is not allowed to eat because of his condition...he turned into a monster with minutes of consuming them....the poor lad, he doesn't understand what happens to him.

You cannot reason with a toddler in a tantrum and it doesn't work all that well trying to reason with older children either while they are all worked up, but afterwards you can discuss things calmly with the older child.

I knew someone who did throw herself down on the supermarket floor beside her toddler and drummed her heels and screamed. The child was so surprised she stopped her tantrum immediately.

I personally am of the persuasion now-a-days that ignores the tantrum and makes as if to walk away. In my younger days, when it was still legal, I administered a smart tap on the child's nappy!

For me it was and embarrassing, Always in public.
What made it worse was tut tutting and looks one gets from others as if we are encouraging our kids to do it.

I suppose it depends on the circumstances of the tantrum but ignore or distract or reassure would be my tactics. Find it easier with DGC than I remember it being with DS. I like what somebody said about once the tantrum is out of the box it's impossible to put it back in - how true. So I suppose we just have to try to cool things down.

Love it CoolGran!

The best advice I encountered when dealing with anyone's tantrums is - to remove the audience- no point having a tantrum if nobody notices!!

I don't think anyone has mentioned reasoning with them. I've seen many young mums do this and it doesn't work! I think children need to be at least 3 and maybe 4 before you can reason with them. It turns into wheedling and the child learns that he can get his own way when that may not be good for them.

I think that constantly reminding yourself that you are the adult not this little horror and that you need to look at the long term effects of what you do today, not what is convenient at this moment.

Vampirequeen, I think we shared a daughter . My #2 daughter had a tantrum in every shop in the village during the year after she was two, so, lucky granny that I am, I was prepared when #1 daughter's daughter turned out to be a very advanced child and began having them when she was about 18 months old.

I think the idea that it is partly frustration about not being understood is right. She was talked to in Spanish part of the time and English the rest and was not very early with speaking, which is common in those cases.

I had her for the day yesterday and, as she's had a tummy bug since Sunday night, my orders from her mum were to please bath her. We ran the bath, with bubbles in, found toys to play with in it, and then she decided not to have a bath. I offered a shower instead but no, not that either. I am not sure if it was our bath as normally we do it at her home and although she does fight sometimes she likes it when she's in. We sing songs and play. Her mum often says she has more fun in the bath with me, but that is so I bath her and save mum having to

I finally got her things off and put her in but she refused to sit and screamed all the time I was washing her. I wondered if the RSPCC would come. No toy distraction or other helped so I just got her out, clean but very cross. She was still poorly though and only just eating bits of toast after 2 days nothing, so it was understandable. Luckily she is so lovely and adorable that the tantrums are worth it.

watch a few episodes of supernanny - help like this just wan't available when we were raising children and its fabulous

I agree with the "ignore" advice. Only had two experiences of tantrums, one with my own son who used to sit behind the sofa and scream, occasionally pausing to peep out to see if there was a reaction. The second with a gd who screamed so much I thought she might damage her voice box. Took an hour but eventually she stopped and never did it (with me) again.

This reminds me of the 'Terrible Twos' regarding my son who was a red headed monster. Once he was trying on slippers in M&S and when we tried to get his normal shoes back on he refused to budge and for ten horrible whole minutes he 'entertained' the other customers with a shoe on one foot and a slipper on the other screamin gthe place down. It was a complete nightmare.

He's lovely now.

The problem is that once the tantrum is out of the box it can't be put back in. Keep the child safe. Hug him/her if at all possible but give it time.