Anxiety re birth of third grandchild

Just to add: My firstborn GC didn't die as a result of any mishaps in labour. It was a congenital condition and they only noticed something was wrong at 36 weeks so she was rushed for an emergency section. For her second she was given the option of a CS or a normal delivery. She choose a CS and for the subsequent two there was no option. Just thought I forgot to say that and didn't want you to worry more.....

Fellowfeeling8 - feel your anxiety. My daughters pregnancies were ALWAYS more stressful than my own!

Especially as my first born grandchild died at 2 days, so the second pregnancy was so stressful! I couldn't even 'talk' about it!

This daughter elected to have a cesarian for her second and has since had two more! All healthy babies am pleased to say.

Lots of brilliant advice and I think the bottom line is just be guided by the professionals all the way. IF baby decides otherwise then...so be it.

CS are not routinely performed for all the reasons stated but I know my daughter never felt 'cheated' in any way by choosing a second one (after that it wasn't an option to have a normal delivery). I was with her throughout as I was for my other daughters deliveries and t.b.h. there was very little difference in recovery time etc. It was still a wonderful experience seeing your GC enter the world. At one time a CS seemed to necessitate long periods of recovery. Now they are up and about sometimes the same day. I took my daughter for a shower the day she delivered by CS and the day after she was up on her own! Some pain but then there is 'after pains' with vaginal deliveries too!

Am sure it will all be a wonderful experience no matter what but like all us mums....you will still worry about it all!

Can't wait to hear the news......

Does your daughter share your concerns? My daughter also had problems with the birth of her son - he was large (9lb3oz) and she is a size 6!

She was happy to put her trust in the medical team and at no time stressed me with the details, although we spoke every day.

My advice is to let your daughter know how much you support her in all of this and try to stay calm for her sake.

Wow, thank you all for your kind messages, much appreciated. My daughter has sought advice from her friends who are mothers. Several of them have had Caesarean sections for various reasons, some when there was no option due to the placenta lying over the cervix, gestational diabetes where the baby was at risk, failed inductions and I think will she will decide on the elective section. She has mentioned that she will try not to feel guilty about it. I have tried to say that I don’t think she should feel guilty about doing what she is being advised is safest for the baby.
The idea that having a section is a type of cop out seems to persist. A friend who had a long and very painful labour has described to her the relief when it was decided to perform an operation. So for the moment that’s the plan. Must say I am quite relieved. She has not had any infertility, it has taken all that time (15 years) for her and her husband to decide they would like a child. They were very lucky to conceive almost immediately. I will certainly let you know what happens. Also we don’t know the sex so that will be a surprise! Thank you so much for sharing what must be very painful memories for some of you. It has been very helpful to me.

Not a fan of inductions, especially if they happen before labor does. I've seen them create the very conditions that lead to C sections after a long, unnecessarily hard yet unproductive labor. Can she schedule the straight C section a few days past her due date or just before week 40 (which ever comes after), to give Mother Nature a little more time to do the work?

....but no matter, the important thing is that whatever your daughter decides, she and her baby are going to come out of this OK. Your role is to be optimistic and very supportive. Visualize this: In less than a month, you will be a very relieved and happy grandmother!

All the best, Willa

I believe you when you tell us you are very stressed, and to me that is normal in the given circumstances. You have witnessed your part of delivery-trouble, so of course you can't stop thinking about all that could eventually go wrong. I think you might help yourself by talking this over with your daughter and asking her to understand your worry. Ask your daughter if she sees fit to keep you involved in the steps she's taking, calling you after a doctor's appointment would be great. Other than that you'll have to sit this one out grandma, and trust the good care she's in!

Oh, definitely go for the planned C-section. I had an emergency one first time around after a long labour and baby being in distress. He was 8lb and I had a general anaesthetic, so missed out. Second time , consultant looked at me at 37 weeks, and recommended elective section- good job he did, she was 9lb 3oz! I had an epidural and DH was by my side. Much better!

Tell her to go for an elective CS as I would if I was her midwife .My daughter had an emergency CS as she went into labour early and he was as a breech .He then developed a pneumothorax(a collapsed lung) His sister was a booked CS and it was so calm .My daughter did query though should she have tried a natural birth the 2nd time and my answer as a midwife was NO 2Healthy children is what counts

You cannot always tell how labour will go. I nearly died with my first baby, and the second birth DD, was long and difficult. I was terrified when DD went into labour, fearing history might repeat itself, but DD confounded all my fears when her first baby was born after a six hour labour!

Bless you. When my daughter lost her 1st baby I privately fell apart. I have lost 4 and her circumstances were exactly the same as my 1st loss and even worse in the same hospital. When she fell pregnant 2 months later I lived on nerves. It was so stressful. She had a bleed, days the baby wasn't moving and on and on. I know I put on a brave face for her bit every day was a struggle.
She had an induction at 38 weeks, 3 day labour and then c section. I was a wreck. Sleeping on the hospital floor!
But out came the most beautiful little girl - and the world was right.
It will end. Your daughter is being monitored and all is well. I so feel for you.

I don't feel a c section is ever the easy option it is major surgery but preferable to becoming an emergency which is as stressful for mum as baby!

Much better for both to have an elective c section. I had two because of complications. Recovery better now than 40 yrs ago. My youngest daughter had an emergency c section with her first (scary) and with her second was induced to try for a normal delivery but progress was so slow she had a section before the baby was distressed. Much less stressful than emergency.

Sorry you’re feeling so stressed about this. With your medical knowledge you will know that a Caesarean section is major surgery and that recovery can be slow and uncomfortable. If your daughters doctors think it’s necessary they would say so and not give her a choice. Having worked in a maternity unit, I would never opt for a caesarean unless doctors felt there was no option.
Not suggesting for a minute that this is the case for your daughter, but too many women look on a caesarean as the “easy option” these days and have little or no concept of the possible risks of major surgery.
I hope your grandchild arrives safely be it naturally or surgically.

The monitoring these days is amazing, even since your other grandchildren were born. Four awkward pregnancies/deliveries in our family in last 18 months, and all 4 babies are thriving.

Planned section all the way!

(my DD was 9lb 4 and breach so no way I was pushing her out!).

Don’t feel “cheated” in any way of not having a natural birth. IMHO much less stressful than an emergency section or baby in distress

My DD faced the same choice, but fortunately her little one decided to take matters into his own hands and arrive at 38 weeks, absolutely fine and with no complications, weighing 8lb 4, so not the huge baby she’d expected. My DDIL’s second was 10lb 4 and nobody had picked up that he was large. Again the delivery was uncomplicated. Try not to worry and encourage her to take advice from those best qualified to give it.

I had three births the first two naturally and ripped and tore badly and the third by cesarian section because of baby in distress at 37 weeks. Cesarean birth was by far the easier. He was almost three weeks early and 8lb 12oz so if he had gone to 40 weeks or longer would have been large baby to deliver. I was up and about day after procedure and home two days later and able to enjoy my baby whereas with first two I had so many stitches and was so sore I found it difficult to move and go to loo.

Definitely opt for the planned Section, so much easier.

To comment on one of the posts above - a C section does not always mean that another will be necessary in subsequent pregnancies. My DD had an emergency section (pre-eclampsia) but went on to have two normal deliveries with no problem.

Not nearly, late pregnancy!

Baby was 9.10lb and me 5.2 high so relieved really

When I was pregnant with 1st, doc wasn't sure of,size so had an early X-ray which showed exact size for me and baby. (Had to hold a ruler front to back between legs!)

Showed poor position and large size. Was explained planned C better as otherwise could be v difficult with high forceps. Went for C and all well. All best to your daughter.

In the end the young couple will decide for themselves, but it is worth remembering that a normal birth is good for the baby as well as the mother and a C section takes time to heal.
Having said that, of course there are some times when a C section is the best way for both mother and baby. My daughter has had both and would always say the natural labour was the best way.

Sounds like they might have had a struggle conceiving. In that specific case I would choose to remove all risk to the baby and have the elective cesarean. (NB this is a layman opinion I have no medical training - but from what I have learned over the years that is the least risk to the baby itself)

My DIL has had 3 sections and opted for the 2nd and 3rd. She had the first one as an emergency because she could not deliver a 10 pound plus baby - she had undiagnosed gestational diabetes. The 3rd section was combined with sterilisation and done under general anaesthetic. The 3rd pregnancy had been recommended against and she didn't tell anyone until she was 20 weeks pregnant! She is such a strong woman, and also now a child minder because she loves babies. To come to the point - a section is of course an intervention, but perhaps in the circumstances, particularly as this baby must be very precious after 15 years, to opt for a section is not a cop out. Your support whatever she decides will be invaluable.

You could look on the bright side; early induction or C-section will give your daughter a better experience than going overdue, a placenta breakdown without the nursing staff realising because they missed the signs and then having a stillborn baby like happened with my MIL and my DIL.
Also, I know of several people who have been told they are having a huge baby only to find they have normal sized when the time goes. Conversely, I have known times where people have not had any indication they are carrying big babies and then end up having C-sections as an emergency because they have 10 pounders when they are only petite. Better to have a planned C-section where all the staff are ready to go than an emergency where anything can happen. Try to look forward to a lovely baby rather than a catastrophe