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Anxiety re birth of third grandchild

(69 Posts)
Fellowfeeling8 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:29:54

Hoping for some soothing words from other grans. I have two grandchildren from my elder daughter. The first was born after a pretty awful experience, induction at 42 weeks gestation, long obstructed labour, failed Ventouse extraction, Caesarian section and second a normal delivery of a smaller baby. These children are now 10 and 8 years old.

My second daughter is, after fifteen years of marriage expecting her first baby at 36. She has been told she is carrying a baby which is large for her size and has been given the option of induction at 39 weeks or Caesarian section.

I am finding that I am so stressed by the whole experience this time that I am feeling that I am not being as supportive as I could be. Any pointers would be much appreciated. The baby’s due date is 29th November.

P.S. I have a medical background which I think makes matters worse!

f77ms Mon 13-Nov-17 18:41:41

I am not surprised that this is stressing you out FF 8 . What are your daughters feelings about what kind of birth she would prefer ? If it was my DD I would be advising her strongly to go for the section , for me it is just not worth taking the risk of going through labour then ending up with an emergency section anyway . I had one `normal` birth and had to have surgery 6 months later to put things right then 3 sections which were planned and easier to recover from . I think once your daughter has decided what she wants to do you will feel better able to support her in her decision . flowers

Fellowfeeling8 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:50:20

She had a scan and appointment today when she had lots of questions. I think she feels that if there are no signs that the baby is ready to be born then the induction may be unsuccessful. She has had a conversation with her sister and her sister has been pointing out the positive side of having a caesarean, the decision has been put off until next Monday and I think she is hoping that she may go into labour during the coming week. As you say I think once the decision is made things will be easier. Thank you for your reply and sharing your experience.

Coolgran65 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:01:26

I have 6 dgc and 4 were born by unplanned emergency C section after trying for a normal delivery.

If there is any doubt at all regarding a normal delivery I'd opt for a planned section.

Good luck.

vampirequeen Mon 13-Nov-17 19:04:49

I'd go for the planned c section.

Luckygirl Mon 13-Nov-17 19:14:48

There is such a thing as knowing too much! It can cause more anxiety.

I do hope that all goes well - and statistically all usually does.

The rule that rare things happen rarely is worth hanging on to.

NotAGran55 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:18:43

I had a very frightening emergency C section after a horrendous time trying to give birth to my 8lb son who actually got stuck in the canal and had to be pulled out backwards . He became distressed and they took a blood sample from his head whilst he was still in me to establish the oxygen level .
I had an MRI scan a year later which revealed that my pelvis was only capable of delivering a baby no larger than 6lb .
I went onto have my second son by elective C section and it was a wonderful experience .
I only wish that I had been warned in advance as your daugher has and was given the option to have the section.

Andyf Mon 13-Nov-17 19:21:44

Vampirequeen, me too.

Fellowfeeling8 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:31:31

Thank you all for your kind replies. A trouble shared feels like a trouble halved!

Rosepaul Tue 14-Nov-17 10:12:02

I watched my daughter go through a very long and trying labour only to for her to have an emergency C-section, I would encourage your daughter to have the selective c section it will be lot easier on your nerves. Hope everything works out well for you all

cc Tue 14-Nov-17 10:17:50

My DIL had high blood pressure followed by eclampsia and an emergency section at 32 weeks. 2nd time around she was told she should have a planned section but even then some medical staff were wrongly suggesting she could have a normal delivery. She developed eclampsia again at 34 weeks, after many stays in hospital with high blood pressure. Hope that she goes for the elective cesarean - safer for them both.

Mumsyface Tue 14-Nov-17 10:18:45

My DiL had a difficult first delivery followed by a planned C section. She said she’d have had a c section first time if she’d known how much easier it would all be - including recovery. I often wonder if the difficult first labour contributed to her post natal depression.

Cleverblonde Tue 14-Nov-17 10:20:12

I had an elective C section at 37 weeks (T2 Diabetes and potential complications) as on discussion with gynae we decided it was the safest option for myself and my daughter. As a result I had a really positive birth experience. Your daughter must decide what feels right but I would recommend the elective C section.
Doesn't help with your stress so all I can say as long as you are there when your daughter wants support dont worry about anything else.
I was in a different continent from my family when I gave birth and I know my mum was beside herself!

pen50 Tue 14-Nov-17 10:20:13

Another vote for planned caesarian. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have demanded it for both of mine. My body has never really recovered...

BRedhead59 Tue 14-Nov-17 10:22:50

I had a long labour at 36 weeks with my first and then an emergency CS - and another emergency CS with my second at 36 weeks despite having an elective CS booked. Turned out I was a 36 weeker - they were both fully cooked and good weights. At the time it was a bit scary but we soon forgot about it all and got on with bringing them up. Good Luck

ajanela Tue 14-Nov-17 10:25:01

I am sure your daughter and her partner will come to the right decision and you will support that with every finger and toe crossed.

My immediate reaction was have the C section but she might go into labour normally or be induced and have a normal birth which would be better for her. Having medical knowledge is helpful but don't we remember the awful cases rather than the good and you are also influenced by your other DD's 1st bad experience but the 2nd went well.

Sometimes this informed choice is very difficult.

Good luck

maddy629 Tue 14-Nov-17 10:31:11

Fellowfeeling8 Sorry to hear that what should be a happy time is being spoiled by anxiety for your daughter. I had my babies in the 70's, never had a C Section but I have had an induction, not a good experience. My son was 3 weeks late and the doctor felt that an induction would be the best thing to do. My son was born after 3 hours, in shock and taken to special care baby unit for a few hours to recover. I was torn and had to have many more stitches than if I would have with a C Section. If there is a chance of ending up with an unplanned induction I would opt for a planned C Section. Do let us know how things go. I feel sure that everything will be well (flowers)

Jane43 Tue 14-Nov-17 10:33:26

My two sons were born over 50 years ago, 9lb 4oz and 10lb 4oz respectively. Although I am 5 feet 8inches tall and was around 11 stone at the time both births were long and traumatic. My first Labour was 36 hours and the midwife had to administer an episiotomy to stop me tearing. The second Labour was shorter but he was in a difficult position and had to be delivered in hospital by forceps while I was given general anaeasthetic. I also had a haemorrhage after the delivery and my son was kept in a cot for 48 hours, nobody was allowed to hold him and although my husband saw him from behind glass in his little cot I didn’t lay eyes on him until the 48 hours was up and the separation from my newborn son was horrendous. Both experiences were very negative, affected my physical and mental health and I felt I had let everybody down. If I had been able to have a Caesarean at either birth I would have jumped at the chance. To this day the memory of both births brings tears to my eyes and I wish things had been different.

radicalnan Tue 14-Nov-17 10:36:41

My daughter has had 3 C sections, they are much less worry than long labours that end in emergency sections. I would opt for that choice if it were me.

icanhandthemback Tue 14-Nov-17 10:43:03

You could look on the bright side; early induction or C-section will give your daughter a better experience than going overdue, a placenta breakdown without the nursing staff realising because they missed the signs and then having a stillborn baby like happened with my MIL and my DIL.
Also, I know of several people who have been told they are having a huge baby only to find they have normal sized when the time goes. Conversely, I have known times where people have not had any indication they are carrying big babies and then end up having C-sections as an emergency because they have 10 pounders when they are only petite. Better to have a planned C-section where all the staff are ready to go than an emergency where anything can happen. Try to look forward to a lovely baby rather than a catastrophe flowers

singingnutty Tue 14-Nov-17 11:18:47

My DIL has had 3 sections and opted for the 2nd and 3rd. She had the first one as an emergency because she could not deliver a 10 pound plus baby - she had undiagnosed gestational diabetes. The 3rd section was combined with sterilisation and done under general anaesthetic. The 3rd pregnancy had been recommended against and she didn't tell anyone until she was 20 weeks pregnant! She is such a strong woman, and also now a child minder because she loves babies. To come to the point - a section is of course an intervention, but perhaps in the circumstances, particularly as this baby must be very precious after 15 years, to opt for a section is not a cop out. Your support whatever she decides will be invaluable.

IngeJones Tue 14-Nov-17 11:24:06

Sounds like they might have had a struggle conceiving. In that specific case I would choose to remove all risk to the baby and have the elective cesarean. (NB this is a layman opinion I have no medical training - but from what I have learned over the years that is the least risk to the baby itself)

Applegran Tue 14-Nov-17 11:30:16

In the end the young couple will decide for themselves, but it is worth remembering that a normal birth is good for the baby as well as the mother and a C section takes time to heal.
Having said that, of course there are some times when a C section is the best way for both mother and baby. My daughter has had both and would always say the natural labour was the best way.

Brigidsdaughter Tue 14-Nov-17 11:44:54

When I was pregnant with 1st, doc wasn't sure of,size so had an early X-ray which showed exact size for me and baby. (Had to hold a ruler front to back between legs!)

Showed poor position and large size. Was explained planned C better as otherwise could be v difficult with high forceps. Went for C and all well. All best to your daughter.

Brigidsdaughter Tue 14-Nov-17 11:46:07

Not nearly, late pregnancy!

Baby was 9.10lb and me 5.2 high so relieved really