missing grandkids

Nana, I feel for you. I'm so glad you're looking into volunteering, and I hope you get to move back home, eventually, or perhaps visit more often.

Catta, I'm aching for you. What a sad situation!

I do not understand this sentence though:

"I do not know what I have done wrong letters of polite enquiry then its wrong that letter she sent is the answer to everything"

Are you saying you sent letters asking why you're co (cut out) and they find fault with your letters? Or are you saying dil answered your letters and you think it's "wrong" that her letter "is the answer to everything?"

Wow you are wonderful. They are so blessed to have you. What memories you are creating. I know my sisters do a lot for their young families and grand kids too. I wish so much I could be closer to help more with mine. I know I have a special bond with my oldest grandchild as she is at the age to remember but she keeps saying nana 'I miss you so much'! and my heart melts. I need to move back closer to family but can't yet. Yes I am grateful for face time and visits but when they are sick and need you and you can't be there it breaks my heart. I feel for any grandparents not allowed to see their grand kids, I can't imagine the pain and anguish you must feel. It baffles me that parents can not see the damage they are doing to their children in not allowing them to have a relationship with their grandparents. Quite sad.

Catta, what a sad situation. So sorry for you and all grandparents who are not allowed to be a part of their grandchildrens' lives.

So sorry Catta join the club of cut out, good, kind Grandmothers, 5yrs for me

I know that I have 2 grandchildren who live 100 miles away but I never see them had no contact A spineless son and a spoilt daughter in law who is 8 years older than him and he is a yes dear no dear if you say so dear he is banned from seeing me as well cause she says so.I do not know what I have done wrong letters of polite enquiry then its wrong that letter she sent is the answer to everything I was not invited to their wedding in 1996 i was duped into handing over £10000 pounds for a deposit but in the end it paid for their St Lucia wedding no word of thanks
Thanks for letting me sound off my heartache but I do wonder what they look like and maybe one day they might want to find me

How different lives can be. Looking back I only had one set of grandparents and I saw them maybe once a year. My DC saw their's two or three times a year. I see two of mine every week and the other three live with me (and their dad) 3 or 4 days a week and more on occasions.

Currently I have sheets in the wash as DGD 2 has just wet the bed (long story), DGD 4 is in my bed and DGS has a dreadful cough and is quite unwell. We will have them for a full week next week as Mum is on holiday, then 4 days the following week. I will have to get up and get them to school, pick them up and also sort out after school clubs and sports activities as dad will be working. I am praying that DGS's cold will not pass on to his sisters.

I feel totally exhausted at times like this and it is like having a young family all over again, but Nanaisland and others I count my blessings that I am so involved in their lives, much as I long for respite sometimes! My heart goes out to you all.

Yes how true. we are not just grandparents! This forum has shared much good advice and encouragement it's a wonderful place to come together!

I grew up with what seemed like a fairytale setting of my dad's mum living next door to us. We had no division of the gardens so we could pop in to see her anytime. My other gran was 4 miles away and we saw her quite often. I have 4 grandchildren with 2 of them living in Australia. My sons partner is Australian so it was always on the cards that they might go to live there. They went when their son was 3 and their little girl 11 weeks old. It was very hard to see them go but I constantly tell myself that they will have a better life there. We Skype most weeks and I try to send them parcels as often as possible. My other 2 grandsons live less than 10 miles away. The eldest is nearly 19 and we don't see so much of him now that he is doing an apprenticeship although we had him a lot when he was small to give my daughter a chance to go out. His younger brother is 6 and because his dad no longer lives with them he spends weekends with his dad. I know that we come second to this. It can be difficult but you just have to try to make the best of the situation whatever it is.

Yes, your posts are showing up, if you see them as shaded that just means they are your posts.
You seem to have received some good advice on here. Look after yourself and remember we are not just defined by being grandparents, we are all people with our own interests and dreams and ambitions.

Being new on this forum I just want to make sure my replies to posts are showing up? I see my posts shaded? Is that the way it shows? thanks

Oops I hit post on last reply to you before finishing. I was just going to end by saying anyways o am going to look into some volunteer work at the schools which will keep me busy over winter.

Thank you. I would find that so hard living so close and not allowed contact them but seems you are managing and taken care of yourself! I am glad you have a good bond with your other ones! You seem to be doing everything right and perhaps one day your other grandkids will be able to decide on their own to visit without influences.
We lived within a hour of our kids before they had grandkids and then due to
an accident my husband had he had to leave work and that's when we decided to downsize and sold out houses which I didn't want to do as I loved where I lived and wanted to stay close But the living costs were better so we moved! But I find I never really adjusted here so I'm living in the past which we know doesn't work and today is all we have at the moment so I am trying to change the thinking!
Hubby loves it here but understands my needs to be closer. He's a country boy so we need some land in the country as he will not live in city. Anyways

Interesting what different expectations people have. My grandchildren live 200 miles away and I see them a few times a year. This seems perfectly normal to me. It was the same in my childhood. I saw one lot of grandparents fairly regularly, but the others were nowhere near us so it was less often. It is the same for most of my friends. As long as I get photos, communications from the children and updates on their progress, I‘m happen with the situation.

Very little contact with DGC. S not let us see them 4yr old seen three times 5 month old seen once. Live close. Other GPS see all the time babysitting as well. The class system has a lot to answer for

Tessa101, are you a member of a union/do you have a union representative at your place of work to whom you could explain your situation? or if not, could you join a union relevant to your type of work and get some free advice?

The threats you are being subjected to seem on the face of it totally out of order to me. Employees should be supported where possible. You haven't done anything wrong like pretending to be ill or just not turning up - and there ought to be more understanding/some flexibility - unpaid leave, perhaps? Maybe the Citizens Advice people could help - or perhaps you've got a nice MP who could advise? What would the rest of you suggest?

I know how you feel Nanaisland. My son and his wife and 2 grandchildren aged 7 and 4 have lived in Hong Kong for the last 3 years and I only get to see them a couple of times a year. We do FaceTime but it’s often chaotic. My DH’s grandsons aged 2 and 1 live in Luxembourg. Only 1 granddaughter lives in the UK a couple of hours away.

You've made me count my blessings. I was feeling hard done by because I'd done a lot a babysitting this week due to one of the grandchildren being off school sick. I could kick myself now thinking about people who don't get to see their GD much.

My grandchildren are in USA. I used to be able to FaceTime them but my daughter has fallen out with me so I have no contact at the moment .... So. yes, I know what 'heartbroken' means....
Oh, what I'd give to FaceTime them every day.....!

I understand fully how your feeling my DD and family including my 2 granddaughters live in Australia my eldest is 12 and youngest 8. I miss my DD and Gds very much they haven’t been home in 7 years but I went last year for my 60 th and Im booked to go this Christmas but my employers are unhappy with me taking extended leave again so they have threatened if I go I will be disciplined with gross misconduct so it’s bitter sweet for me I’ve worked for them 12 years but I have to see my GCs this Christmas. Life often throws a curve ball at us but I think you really need to start putting into place plans to move back ie getting valuations etc just to show your husband how serious you are. I used to send mine books then read them to them at bed time over FaceTime.Think we have to make the best of what we have. But like others say you never ever know what is round the corner and you don’t want to live with regrets. Hugs.

I was just thinking how tired I am going to be as I have all 6 DGC coming for weekend when I read this & now I feel humbled & so very grateful for the fact I see so much of them
I really do feel for you & send huge hugs to all Grandmas with estranged DGC or those who live far away.
I will never moan again about how tiring they are.

Nanaisland?.

It is so hard. I have the consolation that half my grandchildren are in the UK but I do so miss the ones I haven’t hugged for three years. Their mum has been too ill to travel to this side of the world and I am too old and infirm for a 34 hour journey.

We make do with FaceTime and messaging while I spend a small fortune posting parcels. I feel it brings us closer knowing they have clothes etc. that I have chosen for them. I buy as many clothes as I can find having regard to the fact that they are in a different season. Then I hang them up and photograph them and send the pictures for mum to comment. Last time my Daughter said they were all lovely so lucky oldest granddaughter got the lot. It helps the family financially too.

Good luck with being able to move closer some day.

Really appreciate what you are saying re distance,not enough GC contact, other half's reluctance to move and house prices! I have only one GC ,as my daughter cannot have any more children and adoption/fostering is now out of the question because of her husband's physical health problems.
The other grandparents -who live only an hour away from them - and who have other grandchildren, too - are around a lot to help/ support. This of course is good. However, they also pay for holidays taken together. This understandably excludes us; but does make it more difficult for us to to arrange our own times to visit, or to have daughter/husband/GC travel to see us. When we do go to my daughter's, the other grandparents insist on coming over too, or invite us over to their house. All this limits our special time with GC and is difficult not to resent. If we move closer (which we too are planning to do at some stage) we cannot see this changing much; and we know we will lose the friendships, community roles and networks of support built up over many years where we live now.
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Moving is a huge decision in later life, isn't it? and it is so difficult to know what to do for the best! I am sure you are making the right decision; but keep up your own interests and involvement in the wider world wherever you are. You and your GCs will both benefit. Good luck.

Hi,
I understand how you feel. I have been on here before. Our 2 grandkids live just around the corner but we are not allowed to see them. We haven't seen them for 2 1/2 years. We're not allowed any contact, direct or indirect. So we are in contact instead with our grandkids overseas and they are lovely. When I was almost done grieving about this, I sat down and had a good think. I know several women, quite well, who are in the same boat. I know of lots more, equally. I sat down, made a list of clubs and organisations to join, went to a different church, and got stuck into everything I could. Believe me, this helped. Most times. As time goes by the pain gets less. My son is welcome here as long as he doesn't upset me. My DIL is not welcome as she started this, will not accept any peace offerings, and has ostracised me and my hubby. And the kids, I believe, have shown no inclination to come and see us, which would depend on what they've been fed. Things may change. Equally well, they may not. It no longer concerns me. It's their loss. But boy, I'd LOVE to be in your shoes. Take care, enjoy your Christmas, and I'm sure you'll feel better soon.

I don't know how you cope. I still miss my granddaughter since she started f/t school - even though I see her at least 3 times a week! We used to have 3 whole days together every week and had wonderful adventures and great fun together.

Oh dear I know how you feel! I spoke to my little one today who in tears said"I want you to Nanna" . I know as soon as she is off the phone she will be off playing and happy with her Mumma but it is not easy. I also live a long way away and circumstances mean that for some of us it is not so easy to just say rent! I would love too and one day will, but we shouldn't be made to feel guilty as we all know life is short and all we can do is our best.