Gransnet forums


missing grandkids

(48 Posts)
Nanaisland Thu 16-Nov-17 11:19:57

I am new to this forum. Glad I found it. I have two children and they each have one child. one is 4 and 1. I am 1,000 km away. I miss them everyday. We face time a lot and send mail but my heart aches not living closer to be there to help out when they get sick or just be around when the holidays or other things pop us. I was back visiting in April, August and few weeks in October this year as I knew I would not be back for Christmas. I find that the hardest as all my family is back there, and we have no one here so it gets lonely. I know I have a special bond with them regardless living so far away and I pray we can one day sell and move closer but right now it is not possible.
For all the grandparents who have their little ones close by cherish the special moments with them. I face time daily and send things in the mail for my granddaughter who is 4 and loves mail. But I just want to reach into the ipad and hug her. My granddaughter tells me 'I miss you nana'
everyday. Breaks my heart. I long to have them here for sleepovers and doing special things with them especially when I hear my sisters tell me stories and how involved they are with theirs..My heart aches then more. How do others who live away from their kids cope especially around the holidays not seeing them?

ninathenana Thu 16-Nov-17 13:16:14

At least you have contact Nanaisland
Your situation is not great and I'm not trying to belittle your hurt but lots of us would be so happy with what you have.

Bellasnana Thu 16-Nov-17 13:38:48

Nanaisland I feel for you, I really do. I have only one granddaughter aged 6. She was born in the US and I live in Malta so I made a lot of trips to see her when she was a baby.

She then came to live in Malta and for three years I saw her every day, picked her up from school, had her every weekend, she helped me have a purpose in life after my DH died.

She has now gone back to the US and, like you, my heart hurts so much. Technology is great, but not the same as having a cuddle, is it.

I'm going for a visit for her 7th birthday, but am already dreading having to leave her when I come back again.

It won't help you, but I do have an idea of how you feel, and I'm really sorry for

Synonymous Thu 16-Nov-17 14:07:18

I know it won't help you muuch but truly many of us would give their eye teeth for what you have. You have the health to travel, you have a welcoming family which many on here do not, you have the technology to actually see them and talk to them and since you don't say otherwise then they are healthy. You can write and send something funny or special. So many blessings! Every time you feel a lack of something concentrate on giving thanks for something good connected with them because you truly have a great deal for which to be thankful.
Perhaps adopting a lonely little family nearby would help you both? Just start gently and be kind to flowers

Yogagirl Fri 17-Nov-17 08:46:55

Count your blessing Nanaisland or move nearer. I would move nearer to them & the rest of your family, no matter what. Life is short, you never know what life will throw at you next.

Nonnie Fri 17-Nov-17 09:24:53

I'm another who would love to have the contact you have. We are 'allowed' to see our GS but not often and then have to travel up to 5 hours each way, depending on traffic, to see them for half a day. Not long enough to do very much once we have bought them lunch and they are too old for the play centres so unless there is something suitable at the cinema all we can do is take them to the shopping centres. DiL will not allow them to come and stay, says they are too young but I suspect they will still be 'too young' when they are at secondary school. No one else thinks they are too young, including them as they beg us to come and stay.

They love to talk to us about their father, who died in July, but are reluctant to take home the things he bought them in case they get 'lost' or 'broken'.

It is hard enough to lose our son but we feel that we have lost his children too.

ninathenana Fri 17-Nov-17 09:35:01

Nonnie flowers

Your last sentence pulled my heartstrings (sending you a vertual hug)

GrandmaPam Fri 17-Nov-17 09:58:10

I know what you mean about being distant grandparents, but I've come to terms and embrace the different relationship I know we have with our two. They're not as far away as yours, granted, but 250 miles so far enough to not be able to see them that often. When we do though, its so lovely and we all see it as a really special time - I'm sure more 'local' grandparents don't always get the same kind of greeting we get when we go to pick them up from school as a surprise! Make the most of it, see them when you can, and don't be too disappointed with face time etc - we have found our two don't particularly like it anyway. We 'bond' all over again every time smile

nipsmum Fri 17-Nov-17 10:07:58

I know how you feel. My solution was to move. My Granddaughter was 18 months then. Now have 3 granddaughter's. Aged 14, 11, and 8. I see them almost daily, I get to do school pick ups, taking to Brownies and Guides, also get to attend school plays and have even helped children in school to learn to knit. Moving was the best thing I ever did

ClaraB Fri 17-Nov-17 10:13:38

I feel your pain. My two DGD's who were 10 miles away have recently moved 140 miles further. away. We tell ourselves what a good move it is for them - they've been able to buy a fabulous house and SIL doesn't have to commute to London. I've just been for a 3 day visit to help out as parents went away for a night and I loved every moment of being there.
As others have said we are lucky to have contact and it's just a different ball game now. I could haves cried when I left all the way back down the motorway but that wouldn't solve anything. Just make as many visits as you possibly can whilst you can.

MancunianCraftyGirl Fri 17-Nov-17 10:15:41

My son and daughter-in-law have split up, and I am estranged from my son. My daugheter-in-law and grand-daughter (aged 4) live 5 miles away, and I have been trying to see my grand-daughter for 11 mnths. Whilst my daugher-in-law is not obstructive, she is not very helpful either! I just keep persevering ... 💜

MancunianCraftyGirl Fri 17-Nov-17 10:18:41

... in the meantime, to keep in touch I write to my grand-daughter 💜

sandelf Fri 17-Nov-17 10:26:59

Years ago I read 'The Rules' (it's about dating, finding Mr Right without getting your heart broken) - one of the strategies for not being too occupied with 'will he ring' etc was to have a good schedule of activities, seeing people etc - summed up as being 'Happy and busy'. I've found it useful in all sorts of situations ever since. You may not be able to do the 'Happy' part always, but busy certainly helps.

Elrel Fri 17-Nov-17 10:34:10

When I couldn’t see my oldest GD I gave time to the local Access/Contact Centre. This is where children see their NR parent for a few hours a week. It gave me the opportunity to unobtrusively facilitate the contact and I became aware of others’ difficult lives.
I've now signed on with Beanstalk, a charity providing regular reading support in schools. Again I am offering support to children who need it and it is lovely to be greeted by other children around the school.
I’m fortunate I know that I do see all my GC several times a year. Situations change, GC grow older, nothing, bad or good, lasts for ever.

Antonia Fri 17-Nov-17 10:37:35

Please, if you feel so strongly, then try and move. We moved back to the UK to be nearer our 3 year old Granddaughter and we now see her regularly at least twice a week. As someone else has said, it was the best thing we did and we are so grateful to be near.

Elrel Fri 17-Nov-17 10:41:48

Nonnie - it’s good that your GS want to stay with you. I hope that sooner or later they will persuade their mother. A thought for when you visit - I’ve been surprised how child/family friendly many museums and galleries have become, different from the old style gloomy halls and dusty glass cases.
My sincere sympathy at the loss of your son.

Farawaynanny Fri 17-Nov-17 10:46:00

I feel for you. My grandsons aged 10 and 11 are in New Zealand and I only get to see them every couple of years. I feel that I’ve missed out on them growing up and will never enjoy the kind of relationship most grandparents have with their grandchildren. The upside is that they have a wonderful lifestyle and the love of a large Kiwi family.

jenwren Fri 17-Nov-17 10:57:11

Elrel I just started with Beanstalk on Wednesday. Absolutely loved it and the three children were respectful and keen. I would recommend this childrens charity to anyone who can commit three hours a week for a year and make a difference.

Nanaisland Fri 17-Nov-17 11:00:39

I am sorry to hear of the struggles others have! I am forever grateful for my loving family and I would move closer in a heartbeat but we're not in a position at this time to move.
You all sound like a wonderful group of caring loving grandparents and I thank you for sharing with me and for your understanding and encouragement. We are all different in our relationships with our grandkids and just nice to know we're not alone with our feelings and we have a place on here to share🙂

Nanaisland Fri 17-Nov-17 11:11:08

How sad for you! I just never understood how parents can deny a grandchild their relationship with their grandparents regardless of what went on in marriage😟Just not fair to the grandchild. I hope this changes for you and you get to see her soon!

Nanaisland Fri 17-Nov-17 11:16:44

Everyday I want to move back. We have family back there and nothing here. My husband loves it here but he knows I am not happy so my goal is to move back but a lot to consider at this time. We're both seniors and we need to sell and find something else and prices are much higher closer to home. So I am always searching real estate!

Nanaisland Fri 17-Nov-17 11:30:14

Thank you for sharing and even though we haven't met I am sorry for your loss. Take care.

nipsmum Fri 17-Nov-17 11:59:03

You could always try to rent. You don't have to own a house to be a good gran. Life is too short for regrets.

milliespain Fri 17-Nov-17 12:12:30

Oh dear I know how you feel! I spoke to my little one today who in tears said"I want you to Nanna" . I know as soon as she is off the phone she will be off playing and happy with her Mumma but it is not easy. I also live a long way away and circumstances mean that for some of us it is not so easy to just say rent! I would love too and one day will, but we shouldn't be made to feel guilty as we all know life is short and all we can do is our best.

lesley4357 Fri 17-Nov-17 12:15:17

I don't know how you cope. I still miss my granddaughter since she started f/t school - even though I see her at least 3 times a week! We used to have 3 whole days together every week and had wonderful adventures and great fun together.