Hi all,
So I'm a DIL and the main reason I've come to gransnet is to ask you lovely ladies for your honest (happy for brutal honesty) opinions on my situation.
So my MIL and I do not have a good relationship, this all started before I got pregnant and worsened during my pregnancy. It started off with MIL and the other inlaws expecting to throw my baby shower the way they wanted it (my sister held the shower) during the shower MIL made quite a few nasty comments to my guests in regards to me (told everyone I was having a cesarean to spite her as she was going on a cruise at the scheduled date- this was docs choice not mine, said my size was going to lead to the baby being born tiny and sick- I have anemia and cannot put weight on no matter how hard I try, that I don't help her enough, that I've taken her son away- he moved in with me but still sees her regularly, that I'm lazy and don't work hard- I worked 60+ hour weeks up until birth, that I'm using her son- I actually make more money than he does ) about a week before I had my baby she was insisting that DH take DD to her and leave me at home when she returned from holiday (DD 5 days old) so she and her family could have bonding time with their baby (exact words). This I was not ok with so her and her family ended up visiting, showing up at 9pm, they then made fun of me (calling me a brat and that I was looking dreadful) then MIL got her turn to hold DD and started coughing all over her, she then informs me that she had picked up a virus- I asked them to leave at this point. Since then we have butted heads over everything, I'm not comfortable with unsupervised visits as she has shown me countless time she doesn't take any regard towards my safety concerns for DD and seems to purposely do the opposite of what I ask and then hassles both DH and I to let her keep the baby constantly, when I take DD to see her she constantly makes passive aggressive comments (eg she said I need to wear makeup and take care of myself so DH doesn't wander.. That I'm keeping her away from her baby- my DD, that I should let them have her whenever they want and that I'm too clingy, overprotective and a b**ch, ruining her family dynamics, tells these things to DD) she also refuses to follow the rules I have set (no sick visits allowed- the past 5 times I've visited, even with checking that no one is ill someone has been sick and she has lied to me about it, no children kissing baby, no kissing baby on lips, that she is not to stand and walk with baby as she has serious health issues and cannot walk unassisted, no solid food- baby is only 3 months) none of my inlaws have made any effort to actually come and visit apart from the first visit and seem to prefer to whinge amongst themselves and plan spiteful things (eg my DDs Xmas gift from them is apparently photos with their name labels so she knows who they are) I've said to them countless times that all they need to do is message me if they would like to visit her and we can arrange it but not once has this happened, it seems as if I'm the only one who makes the effort to organise for them to see her and they refuse to come to us, we have to go to them. I've actually gotten to the point when even a phone call or planning a visit leads to me having a giant anxiety attack and I have been experiencing extreme anxiety around them! To make matters worse DD is a shy little baby and they refuse to pass her back to me when she needs to be fed or is hysterically crying they just ignore me until DH tells them to hand her back. I'm just at a loss as to what to do any advice would be appreciated
