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Grandparenting
Any advice is appreciated!DIL at a loss here!!
(307 Posts)Hi all,
So I'm a DIL and the main reason I've come to gransnet is to ask you lovely ladies for your honest (happy for brutal honesty) opinions on my situation.
So my MIL and I do not have a good relationship, this all started before I got pregnant and worsened during my pregnancy. It started off with MIL and the other inlaws expecting to throw my baby shower the way they wanted it (my sister held the shower) during the shower MIL made quite a few nasty comments to my guests in regards to me (told everyone I was having a cesarean to spite her as she was going on a cruise at the scheduled date- this was docs choice not mine, said my size was going to lead to the baby being born tiny and sick- I have anemia and cannot put weight on no matter how hard I try, that I don't help her enough, that I've taken her son away- he moved in with me but still sees her regularly, that I'm lazy and don't work hard- I worked 60+ hour weeks up until birth, that I'm using her son- I actually make more money than he does ) about a week before I had my baby she was insisting that DH take DD to her and leave me at home when she returned from holiday (DD 5 days old) so she and her family could have bonding time with their baby (exact words). This I was not ok with so her and her family ended up visiting, showing up at 9pm, they then made fun of me (calling me a brat and that I was looking dreadful) then MIL got her turn to hold DD and started coughing all over her, she then informs me that she had picked up a virus- I asked them to leave at this point. Since then we have butted heads over everything, I'm not comfortable with unsupervised visits as she has shown me countless time she doesn't take any regard towards my safety concerns for DD and seems to purposely do the opposite of what I ask and then hassles both DH and I to let her keep the baby constantly, when I take DD to see her she constantly makes passive aggressive comments (eg she said I need to wear makeup and take care of myself so DH doesn't wander.. That I'm keeping her away from her baby- my DD, that I should let them have her whenever they want and that I'm too clingy, overprotective and a b**ch, ruining her family dynamics, tells these things to DD) she also refuses to follow the rules I have set (no sick visits allowed- the past 5 times I've visited, even with checking that no one is ill someone has been sick and she has lied to me about it, no children kissing baby, no kissing baby on lips, that she is not to stand and walk with baby as she has serious health issues and cannot walk unassisted, no solid food- baby is only 3 months) none of my inlaws have made any effort to actually come and visit apart from the first visit and seem to prefer to whinge amongst themselves and plan spiteful things (eg my DDs Xmas gift from them is apparently photos with their name labels so she knows who they are) I've said to them countless times that all they need to do is message me if they would like to visit her and we can arrange it but not once has this happened, it seems as if I'm the only one who makes the effort to organise for them to see her and they refuse to come to us, we have to go to them. I've actually gotten to the point when even a phone call or planning a visit leads to me having a giant anxiety attack and I have been experiencing extreme anxiety around them! To make matters worse DD is a shy little baby and they refuse to pass her back to me when she needs to be fed or is hysterically crying they just ignore me until DH tells them to hand her back. I'm just at a loss as to what to do any advice would be appreciated
Thanks for clarifying, Elegran.
Looked back at that other dil thread and have to say that there are many differences between the two stories. Sure there are similarities, but aren't there similarities among several mil stories, as well? For example, many of the estranged gps here have noted similarities in what has happened to them. I don't think it's fair to suggest that this thread is fake just because there are a few similar phrases or anything like that.
DILseeking, I hope you weren't chased away by such nonsense and keep reading here for advice. Best to you!
They forget what it is like completely and times have changed
I hope that is not a universal they Misty !
DIL, what did your DH say or do, while that was happening?
Which are posters happier to do :
1- Respond in good faith to a possibly fictitious thread?
2- Respond with doubt to a possibly genuine thread?
Yogagirl, you asked another poster whether you had been unkind but you have "no time or inclination" to check back on your posts to see for yourself. Strange.
Teehee?
Oh sorry Yogagirl I thought it was you, must not have read it properly. Was just trying to clear it up!
Here,here Elegran
Dilseeking it was GNHQ that used the term troll, it was not me Xx
GNHQ keeps using this word, and in my opinion they always use it out of context, I don't know why they keep doing it 
Yea I think she doesn't realise how much things have changed, and that I saw her a couple of days ago and we had a little argument, DD was overwhelmed by all the family being in her face so I tried to have a bit of down time for her and MIL was whinging to others (but right in front of me)about how I wouldn't let her do a few things with her, I ended up biting back a little and told her that they overstimulated DD and I'm not going to hand her over to be a toy for them while she is exhausted and overwhelmed, MIL was a bit unhappy with that and I ended up leaving after a few not to nice things were said about me as well as a few things said about DD that really got to me
I am not a troll nor did I post a different thread, the first time I had been to gransnet was when I initially posted this current post, I'll be honest I don't have the time to go posting to get a rise out of people (which is why I don't respond immediately here) reading from the extract Yogagirl copied yes I can see how it looks similar to how I started this thread but I assure you I am not here trying to cause trouble
Poor you sounds worse than my mother in law .They forget what it is like completely and times have changed .You are getting up at night so bound to be tired as well as exhausted .It is you and your husband's baby and your husband will have to tell her politely to go ..I had comments as I was breast feeding and she wanted to. Give a bottle but it was subtly done not in front of husband .This mother in law needs avoiding ! Good luck
I sometimes think that there should be a bit of leeway. There is a difference between calling someone a troll, which is accusing them of bad intentions, and saying something like, "Oh, come on! You must be kidding us, surely?" or, "Are you winding us up with this? It does sound very farfetched?" People DO post windups for a laugh, without necessarily being full-blown spiteful trolls who want to see blood spilt on the forums as a result of their trolling. I could certainly name two who have admitted it in the past. To be called out for "troll-hunting" for unmasking them would be a bit much.
complaining bitterly about how a poster has hurt their fragile feelings by some innocent remark and how they are being victimised and hounded by everyone for their forthright views. Then they sit back and read all the posts defending/attacking them and say "Tee hee" to themselves.
Ooh!! Interesting Elegran
No Willa, someone who reads but never posts is lurking. A troll joins with the intention of causing mayhem - insulting other posters, ranting about the website owners to get them into trouble with the law, posting what they know are untruths, setting posters against each other by making deliberately controversial or unacceptable statements, sending members unpleasant private messages, complaining bitterly about how a poster has hurt their fragile feelings by some innocent remark and how they are being victimised and hounded by everyone for their forthright views. Then they sit back and read all the posts defending/attacking them and say "Tee hee" to themselves.
I guess I'm mistaken but I always thought Troll meant someone who signs up for a particular forum but has no intention to write or contribute anything. They just like reading all the threads. Curiosity maybe?
not worth a reply
Jalimal why are you questioning b8bbity - are you GNHQ?
You were troll hunting. You have been told so. STOP
Who are you talking to bibbity?
Are you GNHQ?
Sometimes it is very obvious when someone is bringing the same issue to the table... I think Shoezone is a fair example of that. But the rules are clear and we do not allow supposition about someone's intention to be posted on the thread. However if you do have concerns we are always very grateful if you can let us know and we can do some investigations at our end. So please do keep reporting anything that you think might be amiss and we will take a look asap
Eglantine21
When we all respond questioning the school uniform threads, is that troll hunting? I've only been here a few months but even I recognise that one!
Why is hunting a troll bad? Shouldn't they be outed?
And now am I derailing?
Not yet quite got the etiquette of posting I'm afraid.
Troll hunting is when you post about your doubts that the poster is real.
GNHQ rules are idiot proof (or so we thought)
If you think a poster is not who they seem then report them. Do not post about it on the thread.
You were troll hunting. You have been told so. STOP
I darent say!
Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
School uniform threads? What are they or what is problem with them ?
Me too Elantine re etiquette 
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