Any advice is appreciated!DIL at a loss here!!

Imo, your ils are bullies and cowards, putting on a front when dh is there because they're afraid of his reaction. They know what they're doing wrong, they just don't care, as long as dh isn't there to witness it and you have no proof.

Any chance of installing a nannycam that you only turn on when they are visiting? LOL - I'm only half joking.

Your in-laws clearly understand what sort of behaviour is acceptable to your DH, if they only act badly when he is not there.
And they obviously don't care what is acceptable to you or your DD.

Very brief visits, with DH never leaving the room, or no visits at all, is the way I'd recommend.

dil.seekingadvice you have tried to give your in-laws a chance to get to know your DD but it has been thrown back in your face with no respect given to you.
Now your DH is working longer hours the time spent together as a small family will be prescious. If the in-laws want to see your DD at least you can make the rules as they will have to come to your home (one at a time). But only when DH is there as well.
I think you are very kind, as me personally would of cut them out of my life a long time ago.
Take care xx

Thanks Nanawind I hate that I'm on medication and your right I don't want this around DD, especially when she's old enough to understand what is going on, she already seems to pick up on the tension and become very unsettled until we leave. Usually they don't behave in a nasty way if DH is in the room, it's if he steps away for any reason that it starts and seems to stop when he re enters. I think it's known he will get quite angry if he sees it first hand especially seeing as he gets quite mad when hearing that it has occurred. It's hard to think about cutting them out completely, I know they love my DH and I know it would hurt him for me to do so as he loves them all so much, and they do love my daughter even if they have some pretty awful ways of showing it I do believe they do but they just don't understand that their actions are dangerous and unsafe (and plain stupid for others). By the looks of it I won't be spending much time with them at all really, my DH has started a new job that requires him to work even more hours than before (he will be lucky to spend more than an hour a day with DD now unfortunately) and I'm also back at work Part time so it's not leaving much room for anything, especially with our agreement of me not ever being alone with them

Yogagirl, I'm not really sure how it would work, when she suggested that I said the doctor has no issues with her weight and he thinks she is perfectly within the range of normal. I think the only way to do it would be to cut a bottle (she's bottle fed, unfortunately I couldn't breast feed :-( ) or reduce the amount of milk, either one i wouldn't even consider doing (she's also drinking the recommended amount for her weight, being a first time mother I track pretty much everything just in case)

Dil.seekingAdvice
If this situation has been so bad that it's needing you to take medication and has put you into therapy then I'm sorry but I think you need to take care of No1 (YOU) and your DD first.
Take a lot of steps back and think do you want your child when she is more alert to see how you are treated, I hope you answer NO.
Do you want to still be on medication for along time NO.
Even with the support of your DH it hasn't stopped any nastiness then even though you don't want too, it is now time to stop contact with DD and this family. Think of how this will affect her when she is older.
I understand different cultures have ways that we are not used to but this is out and out bullying and what ever culture it is not acceptable.

Have you had someone tell you "I do not believe for one second.......", Smileless?

Sometimes when a poster is questioned about what's been said, it can help them see things from a different perspective, see things from another's point of view, well at least that's what EP's and GP's on estrangement threads are often told so I don't see why it should be any different here.

Some of DILseekingAdvice's statements have been questioned and clarification has been given. I understand that it's difficult for parents and GP's who are not estranged to believe a poster who says they don't know what they've done wrong, or that they've done nothing to deserve being CO. So, it follows that m's.i.l. who wouldn't dream of treating their d.i.l. so badly will find some things difficult to believe too. Is that the same as calling someone a liar? Not IMO which is probably just as well bearing in mind the number of times I've had posts on estrangement questioned.

I doubt MIL was thinking logically about diets and breast/bottle feeding Yogagirl!

I'm glad your DH supported you, DiL.
It seems, though, that it isn't safe for him to leave the room during a visit so maybe you should all be there only briefly, if at all.
It doesn't sound as if any sort of happy relationship is being set up between your DD and her relatives, only tension and disagreement which she will pick up on.

How do you put a 3mnth old baby, only on breast milk [or bottle] on a diet??

Starlady, yes MIL called DD fat to anyone who would listen and was insisting she be put on a diet and if we wouldn't she would make us (yea she's a chubby baby but no where near grossly fat) she thought that her having rolls were gross (I think they are pretty cute personally) she was annoyed by her being so "clingy" to me (she was crying because everyone was in her face) and said she wanted me to just shut her up so she wouldn't annoy everyone. She was grabbed (literally grabbed btw) by older SIL and she started crying so DH took her back (he had just walked back into the room at this point) and she went to do it again and DH got quite annoyed. This was all after MIL made comments about me so once I told DH he didn't want to be there any longer. I was pretty greatful to leave tbh

Not at all Starlady, the advice I've gotten here has been mostly fantastic and I understand that people will have differing views I don't take it to heart :-)

FarNorth, he took her back and said no when she was snatched and agreed that leaving was for the best after I had told him what happened, he was pretty upset at what had happened

Well I would agree re the bickering taking up time - everyone's! Hopefully the OP has got some helpful advice from the largely supportive comments.

I agree, FarNorth, I did say some.

Most posters on this thread were very sympathetic to the OP, tho, Luckylegs, and agreed with her plan to never see her MiL without her DH being there too.

I don't believe how some of you respond to posters and each other. You're unbelievable, don't hold back from nasty personal remarks, are completely unsympathetic and refuse to even consider dispensing any kindness. The poor girl who originally asked for advice must think GN is a nest of vipers, some of whom actually question that people are being honest!

Thanks Madgran77.
I don't have the time or inclination for any further bickering anyway.

Sorry thought quote would be highlighted ....

FarNorth said ....."To jog your memory, you said "I do not believe for one second that an adult relative that would love this baby, would allow a small child, cousin, to hold a new born baby & run round the house with it!"

So you were saying the OP lied. That was unkind"

Yoagairl This is what FarNorth said to you, just to save the thread dragging on with who saw what and when; who ignored what and when!! [hmmm] *To jog your memory, you said "I do not believe for one second that an adult relative that would love this baby, would allow a small child, cousin, to hold a new born baby & run round the house with it!"

So you were saying the OP lied. That was unkind*

For you FarNorth

Madgran77 Fri 08-Dec-17 13:41:59
Yogagirl Please read my post again...I didn't say YOU were unkind, I was commenting on Bugsy's comments to you!!!

Well, Yogi, if I was told I had been unkind I would check back to see if I thought I had been.
Lucky you, tho, as I quoted an instance of your unkindness for you. Did you spot it?

Sorry, DiL, for taking part in sidetracking of your thread.

Eglantine, I THINK GNHQ would rather we not suggest someone is a troll out here because what if we're wrong? How embarrassing for that person! They're not saying not to "out" trolls, they're saying just to do it discreetly and only to GNHQ. Then they can make a decision as to whether to delete the thread or the member.

DIL, so your ils were even criticizing dd? a baby? I'm glad you left. I don't like to advise people to keep children away from their extended family, but if I were you, these people would not see dd and me for a long time. And I would let them know why. I'm NOT saying "forever" - just until they can assure you this won't happen again. They may argue that you're "too sensitive," but, to me, that's just a clue to stay as far away as possible. Their behavior is NOT acceptable and there have to be consequences for it, imo.

Why is that strange Northstar not wanting to plough through loads of spent posts?